Heatwave

I think we can officially now call this a heatwave. This was the second weekend I basked in sunshine. The sunshine of the gods. And this led me to ask the question, how the hell do the sunny states of Nevada and California attract so many poker players?

I woke up Saturday, hoping to heat up a few tarbs, and seeing as I hadn't really played in a few weeks, I was actually feeling slightly enthusiastic. So I roll out of bed, turn on the laptop, brush my teeth, take a slash, wash my face, stroll to the kitchen, pop some toast in, heat up 4 180man sngs, butter the toast, pour a glass of OJ, sit down and play.

2 minutes in, and I'm getting sweaty balls. So I decide that maybe as its 11am, its ok to open the curtains, get some sunlight into the dragons den. And then it hits me.

Its fucking gorgeous outside. The 'this happens twice a year in London' gorgeous. So I decide that I'll take the laptop outside, make full use of my wireless connection. I grab a beer, head to the garden, and sit down.

Now, I expected some glare on my screen, but I didn't expect to basically be able to see anything. Not to worry, if I get 2 inches from the screen I can still see what my hole cards are. I'll just play level 1 poker, after all, when in rome...I was playing $4 180manners.

Next hand, and the gods reward me for my bravado. That's right, most fish would be running back inside, crying that the sun was too bright. Not me, I got balls. Balls that perspire. And I look down at (well look directly at from a distance of 2 inches) pocket Aces.

Oh yeah.

Whats the action? Can't see. What position am I? Can't see. Just wait for the warning sound, and then I push in, just about managing to find the all-in button. Then I realise, it's not Aces I'm looking at, but A-3os. I'll be honest, I have no idea what the action was, because as soon as I managed to run back inside, I had busted, and had 3 other windows beeping at me. Whatever.

Anyway, I pretty much intentionally busted in the other 3 sngs, just so I could go back outside. And once outside, I had not regrets. It got me thinking, how the hell can poker be so popular in warm states, cities or countries? Crazy bastards. If I lived in California, I'd finding some kind of outdoor gambling activity, just to enjoy the sun, y'know, set up some cock fighting or something.

However, the sun isn't always this good to me. Whatever the air temperature is, add about 15 degrees and you get the tube temperature. Urgh, I hate public transport in the summer.

So as I sit on the tube, there is only one thing that saves me from jumping under the train, and that is the summer women. Wearing their skimpy little tops, and making me even fall in love with the average girls. As I sit there with my fellow co-passengers, watching a 40 year old woman get up, catching a sight of her tight buttocks, and nodding knowingly to my fellow sexual deviant co-passengers. We know what we like, and it isn't vanilla. We like variety. We like filth. We are connesseuirs of the tube pervert.

As I start to wonder if I should maybe one day say something to one of these sirens that catch my eye, I then fall into some sort of a heat coma, and wake up only once overground to the sound of my phone beeping.

Ah, text message. As I pull out my phone, I notice everyone has their blackberry or iphone out. And me, yass sir, I got a fcking message. I even seem to sense some respect from my fellow cattle class passengers, and then look down to see that Orange mobile have mailed me an advert.

FFS.

However, these people don't know that, don't ruin the illusion. And I subsequently smile, maybe even laugh, and pretend to text back.

My fellow passengers maintain their respect for me, and I even see a pregnant woman give me the sign as if it say "you so sexy, me so horny, if i werent preggers i'd do you right here, ah fk it, il do it anyway"

sorry love, banging a pregnant woman is almost like partial paedophilia in my eyes. call me in 3 months, no wait, make it 6 months, gives you time to lose that excess you carrying. wait, is she even pregnant? don't know, but gotta say, if you're a fat girl and someone offers you a seat, what do you do? say, "no im not pregnant" and die of shame, or just sit down, live the lie.

An interesting question. Let me get back to you on that one.