Yes it's wimbledon. We know what that means; supermarkets stock up on strawberries, the weather becomes turbulent, and I get some wanking material. More is less or whatever, and watching these Eastern Europeans run around grunting, sweating and groaning, does more for me than any kind of shizz you find on yazum these days.
So we have Maria Sharapova, Ivanovic (yum), Hantuchova (she'd still get it), etc.
And so as I'm ogling at Hantuchova today, I take a look at her opponent. Cute face, decent derriere, potential.
Fuck.
It's Laura Robson.
She's 15.
motherfuckers.
Only in tennis could they allow such jailbait to cloud my fucking innocence. I called my psychologist, and he quickly eased my fears:
"Bossa, did you get an erection?"
"No"
"Did you fantasise about fucking her?"
"No"
"So you simply admired?"
"Pretty much"
"Then this is much worse than I thought. You are suppressing your natural desires."
"What?"
"What you should have done was simply taken a look, fantasised and then forgotten, that is natural"
"But she's fucking 15"
"Yes, but to repress such desires will cause you them to get pent up, and manifest themselves later. My job is difficult you know. I get sexual deviants, incestuous prowlers, rapists and sex addicts talking about their problems with me constantly. They talk of their actions and desires in the most minute, painstaking detail. They leave nothing untold. Do you know how difficult it is for me to listen to this? To listen to this and not get aroused?"
"What?"
"So I let myself get aroused, because that is nature, and this is the reason why such sexual deviants end up in jail, and I'm sat here lecturing you and getting paid"
What a fucked up guy.
Loving the grunts from Sharapova though. Bet if you banged her you wouldn't know if she was faking it or not. Hey, even I've faked it before. Lets set the scene: weed smoking, drinking and no sleep in dam. I stumble into a hookers den, loosest pussy in the west, I ram away, get tired, don't wana hurt her feelings, so fake it.
Yep, faked it with a hooker. That's what a sensitive guy I am.
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3 comments:
Watched that match as well today, knew as soon as this post started where you were going!
15! I was only saved by the fact that I just didn't find her attractive, nothing to do with age (or lack of it).
Also whilst watching the match I decided to do a google search for Hantuchova's camel-toe and wasn't disappointed. She'd definitely get it, although definitely not standing up against a wall.
Ivanović is top notch, there's no arguing with her 'talent'.
Another one that I've always had a thing for is Flavia Pennetta, looking forward to seeing her tomorrow, if the BBC have her on their interactive match choice option.
Then there are the ones that shouldn't be allowed to be screened on daytime telly. Kuznetsova, Venus Williams, Mauresmo, and one that a lot of people disagree with me on - Janković.
I look at her and just see one of those blow-up sex dolls from that classic episode of Only Fools and Horses.
I don't care what anyone says, she's fecking ugly.
The fact that Joppa thinks she's hot says it all really.
jankovic is a dog, but a lot of people like her because she looks quite chavvy (in an eastern european style chav sense), and she looks filthy.
you know she's take it up the wrong un.
agreed about flavia pennetta though, she's nice.
TBH even sharapova isn't that hot, I mean if you look at her face, its kind of standard, and she's flat chested too. But still, she has an elegance about her, and when she gets playing, such aggression :D
lol @ "Yep, faked it with a hooker. That's what a sensitive guy I am"
....I'm still trying to work out if this makes you sensitive or what it makes you? haha
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