Bossanova's Lay Lay Blog

FTP down the drain...

2011-09-21T05:05:00.000-07:00

I played poker for the first time in months this weekend, and visited both the pokerstars and FTP sites to see if they even still existed.

I had a few doll in FTP, less than $30 IIRC, but enough to play some sngs for a bit of fun...but the software wouldn't load.

So I tried pokerstars...same problem. Turns out I needed to re-install the stars software, so did that and deposited 50 doll, and bust it all on a half dozen MTTS, including twice busting when my pockets AAs vs KKs got cracked on the flop by a dirty K, after getting em in pre.

Anyway, today it surprised me to see that FTP was actually some kind of 'ponzi scheme'.

Read this, an interesting article on the thing:

http://dealbreaker.com/2011/09/on-the-bright-side-some-people-got-130mm-worth-of-free-poker/

Thinking of new ideas

2011-02-21T07:12:00.001-08:00

Been thinking of new ideas for blogs/websites, as want to be a bit more pro-active and test the waters to see what I can do.

I've set this up:

http://thedailyhype.com/

Not sure what the aim will be yet, but was thinking a site where you could post the most interesting news of the day, kind of like what dealbreaker do for financial news, and see...

Spinning it up

2011-01-04T14:47:00.000-08:00

I'm going to bust soon again, that's a given, but I'm on a hell of a heater right now. I started with £100 in BF account, and with a mix of trading and luck got up to £370. I think subsequently bust due to a (admittedly short) run of dodgy bets, involving laying away teams in the Apertura, and betting on the Carling Cup.

So I re-deposited £50, and have now spun this up to over 500, including coming 4th in a short handed 22doll tourney on betfair, with 135 entrants.

Now, I've withdrawn some of that, but the problem is, if I have say 250 in my account, unless I'm risking at least half of that on a bet, it just doesn't excite me. What's the point in betting £20 to go from 250 to 270 if I win, or 230 if I lose etc.

So I've begun laying correct scores and stuff like that at 10s and all to make £25. I don't know why, but having all that on the line gives me a thrill. I've dodgy every bullet so far, but it won't last.

Anyway, Christmas and New Years came and went. Christmas spent at home, then spent a few days at my girlfriends place. For new years I went to the Hoxton Bar & Music Hall and it was quite lame to put it mildly. I had tried to get in here to no avail. Bar & Music Hall is quite wanky tbh, all it serves is weird Belgian beer like Vedett and Duvel. Vedett is just about drinkable, but Duvel is like drinking semen laced sewage. Don't ask me how I know what semen laced sewage tastes like.

Anyway, those days away made me realise the thing I miss most when I have to share a bed: the ability to let out a good beer fart. I was in bed on NYE after having drunk mostly Vedetts, and had some really intense trapped wind. I tried to let out a silent assassin, but just as I let go, a sound like an old man blowing his hooter rang around the room. So I just played it cool, pretended that never happened, and sneaked off to the toilet. But it's the same problem there, you can pretty much hear everything that goes on in the toilet across the whole flat, so I spent about 15 minutes in a drunken haze wondering how the hell I could let out that wind on the sly. . FFS. I just crept back to bed, the missus was sleeping, so I just let rip. She woke up instantly, and I just pretended to be asleep. Whatever. Anyway, such are the problems of shared bed.

Still trying to decide whether or not to back Arsenal at near evs tomorrow vs Man City, what does everyone think? I know would-be won't agree...

Live Blogging International Football

2010-11-17T12:20:00.000-08:00

Backed Algeria £10 at 2.3 vs Luxembourg

Layed England £25 at 2.5 vs France

GOLO: Benzema 16mins good start

This England side is perfect to lay, too much inexperience, France need a win to lift confidence. England now 7s, going to wait a bit before covering myself. See how the game pans out.

Luxembourg still 0-0. 48mins.

Isn't Nasri a beautiful footballer? Not in a sexual way, although he does slightly resemble a thai lady boy. He could be the key to the next French generation. Actually, he will be the key, Gourcuff isn't up to scratch.

I can't believe I'm actually watching Lux vs Alg.

2030: Time to drink another London Pride, hoping the comfort of a few pints of plain will numb the pain of watching this 'football'.

2033: Nice to see England resort to playing that beautiful breed of football they call 'the English way'. 40 yard punt forward, Carroll nods down, Gerrard strikes over. Us Latin countries are eternally jealous of this style of football.

2034: Luxembourg have an attack. This is news worthy.

2036: One of the officials is sporting a fine tache for Movember. Either that or he's Russian, where Movember cometh not once a year, it cometh as part of the package.

2040: Algeria miss an easy chance. Cleared off the line. Sigh.

2042: Really enjoying the colour commentary from Andy Townshend in the England match. An exemplerary Irishman. 'We have to try and play down the flanks'. I think he's commentating on the Eire match, it's quite psychedelic listening to this.

2043: England now 10.0 to back, might cover soon.

2048: Mexican wave in the England match. Yeah, the fans are that bored.

2049: Half Time Boos in England match...

2053: Great save by Lux keeper...the wanker.

Portugal vs Spain set to start, might lay Spain...

2100: Not looking good in the Algeria game, 5 mins to go...

2102: Seriously bad miss by Algeria :(

2104: Why is Portugal playing in white? ffs, we're at home, we shouldn't be pandering to the Spaniards. grr.

2106: Laid Spain for £25 at 2.4

2107: Algeria finishes 0-0. Fail.

2112: Barca vs Real starts a couple weeks early. Busquets takes our Ronaldo, yellow card. A minute later, Ronaldo returns the favour, yellow.

2116: 2-0 France, no need to cover, England won't score 3.

2122: Looks like Ronaldo coming off injured, think I'll exit the bet if he does, we just don't have enough attacking potential without him.

2125: Just realised I'm missing The Apprentice. I mean the ITV pundits try their best, but nobody beats Alan Sugar for one-liners.

2126: Who do you guys reckon is the hottest on The Apprentice, the blonde (Stella I think) or that brunette with short hair? I'm going for the blonde, she looks kinkay.

2134: Massive miss by David Silva, all alone in the box, heads wide from the penalty spot. Hits the target, and thats a golo.

2140: OMG

ROnaldo with the greatest skill, chips Casillas, it's pretty much in, why does nani nod it in? Nani was offside...god. I think nani was onside anyway, and he was inside the goal too i think, that ball went in ffs. Ronaldo robbed of a true wonder goal.

2141: SPain clear one off the line! Crowd going crazy! But we still didnt score ffs

Still creaming myself over that goal by ronaldo that should have been

2148: GOLOOOOOOOOO POR TU GAL

POR TU GAL

POR TU GAL

POR TU GAL

fabulous from CR7, and superb finish by Carlos Martins

2156: The Asian girl, Sandish, sacked in The Apprentice. Doesn't Alan Sugar usually sack the Asian girl in the second week?

2158: England loses 2-1, Crouch scored on 85mins, and Engerland rallied late, but not good enough.

2212: POSTIGAAAAA

2-0

good stuff.

2220: Here's the Ronaldo goal that was wrongly disallowed, what a masterpiece

2230: 3-0!!!!

WOW

postigolo!!!!

haha take that spain, you fkin cheating cooonts

2238: This should be 5-0, spain are rattled.

2256: 4-0

ALMEIDA

ALL OVER

SPAIN GOT A ROLLOCKING

GAUDI, KING PHILIP, DALI, PICASSO, PENELOPE CRUZ, YOUR BOYS TOOK ONE HELL OF A BEATING

good night, much love

A portrait of the artist as a gambler

2010-11-15T13:43:00.000-08:00

I've always had the urge to just put everything down and run to a far-away place, attempting to become some kind of a Kurtz-like figure imposing my influence on some culture that simply isn't ready for me.

I'd probably choose Brazil as my destination, and would head for the hills, attempting to bribe and infiltrate my way into a select community, before building up my influence and attempting to conquer the favelas, and then the rest of the country.

This urge has amplified in recent weeks. Maybe it's the fact that all I seem to do is work, and yet can't afford anything of note, the fact that I am braindead all day long, and then go home and watch tv or youtube to complete a day of brainfrying. Maybe it's the fact that all I can see when I wake up is suffering. In the mirror, on the street, opposite me on the train. That Monday morning look, is this all really worth it?

I look at others going to work every morning, and it kills me. That look of hopelessness, of being beaten to nothing by the system. I often feel this intense sympathy, and feel it strongly, until some fat unhygenic person stands next to me and starts sneezing in my direction. Then I go back to thinking about Brazil.

And so what have I been doing the past 6 months? Avoiding poker for one. And avoiding anything productive too. I've been seeing a girl for a while, and end up doing nothing with her, which gets me thinking, when has a man ever achieved anything with a woman by his side? It's pretty rare.

There are many distractions in this world, to stop us ever achieving anything. For most of us, it is work which is our major distraction. Travelling to and from work, being at work, getting ready for work, we're talking 11 or 12 hours a day. And then the rest of our time is taken up by women, television, gambling and drugs/alcohol.

I guess it's a real life sedative, putting us all into a coma.

Poker:

None.

Writing:

Some.

Sports Betting:

Yeah.

Been back on the sports betting, and guess what you lucky boys and girls, I'll start sharing my tips with you all in this blog. I'm +130% this month, so let's keep this shiet up.

Right now, I got a few active bets, I got Cher and Wagner to win X-factor (15 and 200), and will lay off Wagner this week at 50, and waiting on Cher, and for Porto at 17.5 for the Europa.

Mid-week internationals = yawn. Excuse me whilst I got find an MLS or Indonesian league match to bet on.

Firenze...che bello

2010-04-28T10:30:00.000-07:00

So, I made it to Italy and it was as I had hoped. Landed in Pisa on Friday morning, having not slept Thursday due to the early flight, and went directly from the airport to the centre of Pisa to take a look at the leaning tower. We were greeted in Pisa by unrepenting rain and a swarm of Italian and Japanese tourists. It was a good way to open the weekend, however, the fact we were dragging about our luggage and getting soaked wasn't the perfect scenario.

The girl I was with asked a young Italian if he could take a photo of us by the tower, and following this experience I came to the conclusion that young Italians are clearly not tech-savvy. Both photos were terrible. So I obviously cornered a Japanese tourist, who took an acceptable photo.

We caught the bus to Pisa Centrale station, and on the fourth attempt at trying to buy train tickets from a machine (the queue was depressingly long for the over-the-counter ticket desks) I succeeded, and for less than €6 each we had booked our train to Florence. Beat's the £19 I paid for a Stansted Express ticket...

We had a quick coffee at the train station, and the cappucino served to me in one of those typical train station places was actually fabulously frothy, which bode well for the rest of the journey.

We ran to the platform indicated on the boards, and jumped on the train. After sitting their for a few minutes, and realising the train was supposed to have departed already, I asked somebody if we were on the correct train. No...it seems I was heading towards Livorno, which is pretty much the wrong way. One thing Italy isn't good for is signs or instructions, that's for sure.

Once on the correct train, I hoped that Florence would provide a more fulfilling experience than Pisa. Granted, the leaning tower is spectacular, but the rest of the town was village-esque, and offered nothing of interest.

We arrived in Florence at about 5pm, and our hotel was opposite the train station. We slept a couple of hours, before going out for a bite to eat. We found a nice Pizzeria Ristorante, and I had a Fiorentina pizza with a shared bottle of Chianti, and it hit the spot. We walked around the centre a while longer, and struggled to find any bars...this was the only strange thing I found about Florence. Whilst in countries like Portugal or Spain there are an abundance of bars all over the place, our latin counterparts don't seem to have this kind of culture. Later, we were informed that in Italy all the bars will be in one region of the city more or less.

We eventually found a bar, and whilst having a quiet drink were interrupted by a Northern Irish couple by our side (completely smashed obviously) who asked where we were from etc etc. I don't mind when this happens tbh, but this couple were past the point of coherent speech, and were repeatedly telling me the same story about some American family they met at Dublin airport who had been stuck there for weeks, and why would they even bother going to Dublin they asked me, they lived on a ranch! I replied by stating that maybe they just like to see new things, and are probably bored of the ranch. The blank expression that greeted me told me that from this point onwards I should just nod and grin. Once her boyfriend went to the toilet, and the girl I was with went to the bar, the N.Irish girl informed me that I was not very portuguese looking because I was slim, but that I had the brooding eyes or something. Ok...at this point I worried slightly, because her boyfriend looked mental. The boyfriend returned with shots of baileys mixed with sambucca for all of us, and my companion returned with shots of limoncello. At some point, I noticed that he was beginning to make moves on my girl, and she on me. Haha, the bastards. They weren't even remotely near worth the hassle, and so we made our excuses and exited back to the hotel.

Upon returning to our room, I wondered whether anybody would have made the swap if they were in my position, and whether it'd be worth it. My question was answered by the most incredible sex I'd had in a long time, and I decided I had made the right decision sticking with the girl I had travelled with.

The rest of the weekend involved an absurd amount of gallery visiting, including The Uffizi, Palaccio Vecchio, seeing Michaelangelos David, Ponte Vecchio etc., with lots of good food, good drinking, and a copious amount of intercourse too.

In short, it was a good and rather uneventful trip. I know it makes better reading when I get drunk and piss on side streets, before failing epicly at making moves at the girl. But personally, I prefer eating good ice-cream in the sun with a good looking girl by my side.

Today was the funeral of my friends dad, which had been delayed a week due to the travel chaos meaning the priest was stuck abroad and family couldn't fly in, and this lowered my mood. These funerals always get me. The complete pointlessness of everything becomes apparent when you see a woman crying over a man that she had loved for decades and now is gone forever. Upon viewing such harrowing scenes, a darker side of me urges to never get close to anybody like that, and therefore I'll never feel such pain. But I imagine the good times outweigh everything. But in that moment, the good times that existed seemed to be drowned out under the howls of women crying.

Dreams fade in a plume of ash...

2010-04-20T09:34:00.000-07:00

I've been quite busy in recent weeks, largely with matters that would essentially bore you to sleep, in other words work and the like. My recent disappearance from the blogging scene co-incided with a disappearance from the social scene, as other commitments (and namely a girl, whom I'll discuss in other posts) have enveloped my life and engulfed up my free time like a cloud of ash rushing towards England.

Yeah, I'm pissed off at the ash cloud. I've been looking forward to a weekend in Florence for weeks, and now it looks almost certain to flop. Yeah I can re-book it, but it doesn't take the bitter taste out of my mouth.

I end up wanting to grab my PC at work and throw it out the window, urinate on the walls, spit in the face of anyone who remarks at my actions and walk long into the distance with dreams of becoming a world renowned writer.

I've not written much in recent weeks, and instead of writing I end up dreaming of what I'd say on chat shows and in press conferences about my latest books. Turning up at gala events with a celebrity by my side, and running as far away from my currenct existence as possible.

As I chase my dreams in my mind, the dream itself seeps away. It's always been like this, wanting to be the greatest without doing any work to get there.

I haven't played poker in months at least, and I'm truly pleased to be free from the shackles of spending 12 hours on a Saturday playing 20 MTTs on stars and busting busting busting min cash bust bust bust fuck fuck fuck, sunday comes, ok more more more, sunday goes, and Monday...Monday brings death of the soul.

"How was your weekend?"

I'd lie of course, what kind of person spends a weekend in-doors playing poker. A person like me. I escaped, but replaced the vice with others.

Thats enough for today, please let me somehow get to florence....

Death in the Express

2010-04-15T04:13:00.000-07:00

On Saturday night I was out in the West End with a girl I've been seeing, and whilst contentedly eating my Sloppe Giuseppe at Pizza Express I received a call from my close friend.

This friend calls me on a frequent basis, and I had spoken to him the previous day, a conversation that I had largely forgotten, but which had culminated in a lazy agreement to meet him up over the next few days, largely to end the phone call.

I decided not to answer, as I wasn't going to be able to meet him that night, and I'm not a fan of speaking on the phone at the dinner table. He then called me again minutes later, and I was frustratedly encouraged to answer by my companion. I answered, at the table, and the noise of the room unexpectedly drowned out his voice at the other end. Something strange occured here, as I can't remember the last time I answered a call at the dinner table, and would generally have walked outside at this point due to not being able to hear anything. But I did answer the phone at the table, and didn't leave when not hearing anything.

He said something to me, and I replied "yeah", despite not knowing what had been said. He then uttered something else to me and I caught the name of a friend of ours, and assumed he was meeting that friend and wanted me to tag along, I replied "I'm out tonight mate, I'm in central London, I'll call you tomorrow", to which I heard his dejection and...what was it? shock? disgust?, no...surprise, yes surprise at my comments.

I had not been able to hear anything from his end, but yet felt his disappointment as clear as anything at the end of the call. This feeling stuck with me, it lingered uncompromisingly, pushing me to decide that I'd call him back once outside.

Once outside I was distracted by a group of men dressed as women on a stag-do asking me for a lighter, and by the biting cold that had emerged following a mild day. As I shuffled towards the tube station at a quickened pace, thoughts of speaking to my friend had been replaced by thoughts of a bottle of rioja and warm bed waiting for me on the otherside of my journey.

The following day I called my friend, and asked "What were you saying yesterday, I couldn't hear a thing", to which he replied "I was calling to let you know my dad had just died", and with that I understood perfectly a thousand things about myself and this world.

Snow has killed London

2010-01-10T13:08:00.000-08:00

Last week it snowed, and blah blah blah the whole country seemed to grind to a partial halt. But we are all accustomed to that, so I won't dwell on it.

As you read in my last post I was out Sunday night until late, then barely got any sleep before going back to work. The first week of January is typically one of the busiest weeks of the year in my line of work, so arriving on Monday with 2 hours sleep wasn't the best preparation, in particular knowing that the only pleasure I had gotten the night before was from my right hand when I got home, but I battled through regardless.

Midweek it began to snow, and it was a bitch to get to work, but you don't care, so lets not go there. On Friday night I did a fuck up at work, and had to work through lunch and stayed until about 7pm sigh. Afterwards I met a couple of friends, we went for a couple of pints round the Moorgate area and there was a noticeable lack of activity everywhere. In need of some beautiful women to gawp at, I suggested to my friends that we should go to the infamous Reflex and get our fill of 80s music and a club full of essex girls. We arrived at about 9.30, which is usually peak time for this city club and the fact there was no queue outside was a slight worry. The last time I came to this club at a similar time there was hundreds of people in there, so I dropped a bollock when I walked int to see two...people there. Yes, two people in the whole place.

We swiftly left, checked out a couple more places, before cursing the snow gods and having an early night.

On Saturday I decided to try my luck again in the city, and went for a few pints in the Shaftesbury Avenue/Chinatown area, before grabbing a bite to eat at Wong Kei I had gone down on the tube with my friend, and we met up with a couple of other friends who had driven down. After eating, we discussed what to do with the rest of the night. The pubs all looked dead again in central london, but not as bad as on Friday, however the friends I was with wanted to go to some place in Bayswater, and I reluctantly agreed. The problem was, they forgot where they had parked. It was like something out of dude wheres my car, as we walked for about an hour looking for their car. All they could remember was it was next to Pollen Street. If it helps to understand, these guys are huge stoners. Eventually we found the car, and by the time we got to bayswater we couldn't get in.

What an epic fail weekend.

The dutch girl from last weekend text me and would-be, and we both added her on facebook. We were less than impressed as we refamiliarised ourselves with her the image of her face, however, I have come to the conclusion that she simply isn't photogenic, and that after a few beers I can come to appreciate the intricacies of her beauty. It lies there somewhere. I messaged her today, just saying she can take a look at the opening couple of pages of a short story I'm working on, and I'm in the process of trying to omit scenes of domestic violence, suicidal thoughts, drug abuse and despondent thinking from the text. However, I'm not particularly bothered about her, I'm just trying to monitor the situation and see if I can get an easy lay out of it.

One I am bothered about is the translucent girl from work, someone I have yet to work out. Whilst suffering from enormous fatigue on Monday, I was invited to go and see the musical Chicago midweek, with a gay guy from work and 5 girls...I know, this is so so gay, but at the time it sounded like a good idea and I agreed. The instant feeling of regret once I had uttered the words was not a good sign, but either way I'm hoping I get a chance to make the move again. With each passing moment I am more convinced that I really need to pull out of this and not make the move, but I'm only (hu)man and my penis dictates otherwise.

Finally, you may have noticed that would-be's blog has disappeared, basically he got smashed on Friday with his new work mates and might have mentioned the blog. Some of the material on the blog, about the circumstances of how he got the job, could put his position at risk, so he's taken it down as a precaution...I'm sure he'll be back soon.

For now though, if you miss your fix of tales of degeneracy, then check out Joppas blog, those tales of new stadiums and darts...100% degen...

Tales with a would-be degenerate...

2010-01-04T12:22:00.000-08:00

As I'm sure you've heard, I went out with Would-Be last night to Leicester Square for a couple of pints. Here is his version of events, I suggest you read that before continuing with this post. Ok, now I'll try and tell it through my eyes.

The plan had been to have a drink or two, waste a couple of hours on a Sunday night, after all I had to wake at 6am for work the next day, and he...erm...he had stuff to do or something. So we were both only meeting for a couple of hours.

We met at Leicester Square station, and went to the Wetherspoons pub on the square. We had a couple of bevs, talked about an array of subjects, and I think Would-be had an Irish guy proposition him with sex in the toilets. He said he rejected the offer, I'll accept his account of events.

As its about to hit 10pm, and we're finishing our pints, would-be says a couple of girls are checking us out. I'm not so sure, but he's adamant. We strategically move into their line of sight, and I'm further convinced that they aren't checking us out. At this point, I can see doubt creep into Would-be's mind, but only for a split second, and we both agree "Ok, lets do this for the blog. If we get shot down, it'll be hilarious, if we bang them, we'll be legends". At this point we were finishing each others sentences and thinking as one.

Would-be asks who I want, I (idiotically) let him choose, and at this point I thought he chose the blonde, leaving me with a brunette with piercings all over the shop and wearing a dog collar. I was hoping for the blonde tbh. Would-be leads, asks if we can join them, they literally jump at the chance, and we get talking about who they are, what they do etc.

The pub closes, and we suggest moving on somewhere else, and again they jump at the chance. Everywhere was shut, so we suggested going to the casino, and they seemed happy with that idea, and so in we went. At this point Would-be asks if im trying to slyly swap choices, and I get confused, the whole time I was only eyeing the brunette pierced one...turns out thats who he wanted, so at this point we are finally with the birds we have chosen. Now, in his blog would-be says the blonde was a dog, and ok she wasn't great (neither was the other lol), but they were both 6/10s, and I honestly think most of you fish would have chosen the blonde just from looking at them.

Turns out the blonde was a frigid bitch, and the other seemed horny as fk. As would-be says in his blog, we ended up back at his, but all in the same room, and it began to flop. Actually, it never really got going when I look back. Piercings girl gave some pretty clear signs to would-be, but mine was talking about ghost-hunting or some shit, and each time I'd try to flip the convo to something deeper, she'd start talking about famine in africa or some shit. Still, I was doing the best I could with the tools provided, and back at the flat, her leg was rubbing mine, and would-be was doing ok with his bird, but then things just started to flop because of the situation. They kept moaning about having to wake up early, and I was like "so do I!!" lol. In the end, we had to resort to some old school shit, and tried a bit of truth or dare, and this was the straw that broke the camels back.

Ok, at least I found out would-bes weirdest sexual fantasy is to be the guy at eurovision that goes around speaking to the different tables when the points are being read, and he'd love to take all the hot eurovision singers and bang them or something...

By this point the dutch girl had bored me into a catatonic state of indifference, not even would-be could snap me out of it.

Once the ball dropped, we ushered them out of the flat at the speed of light, ignored them completely as we walked 10 minutes to the bus stop, traded numbers, told them to fuck off (well not quite, but we were close to), and I had to hop in a cab to get home to get 2 hours sleep.

Still, if at first you don't succeed...

She replied...

2009-12-23T11:53:00.000-08:00

but a general message.

"Im with my family, things are ok, i hope you have a great xmas."

blah blah blah.

No mention of meeting up...

the classic gentle put down

I feel quite upset actually.

I feel alive, or half-switched off, not sure...

2009-12-22T14:04:00.000-08:00

Poker:

I haven't played any in weeks. Like I've said before, I'm sick of it, I think I've quit. So if you like to read my blog for infrequent poker updates, then don't read on, go and wank off to a video of Devilfish instead.

Life:

Something strange, and slightly unsettling, occurred at work today. I work under a manager who must have learnt her management style from some kind of Stasi handbook, with her technique based on the principles of micro-management, inefficient over-planning, paranoid delusions of grandeur, and an impressively narrow view of the job role.

Anyway, I hate to say it, but I have bitched about her before. Yeah, I know...it's a bit feminine of me, even homosexual I might say, but I'm a liberal, so it doesn't bother me.

A colleague would often email me, or vice-versa, with such well constructed sentences as "the dumb fucking bitch is doing my head in, stupid cow", or "when the fuck will she shut up", and occasionally "arrrrrrrrrrrrgggghhhhh FFS".

This colleague quit recently, and now my boss for some reason has access to his emails, to check if clients have contacted him. And she saw such emails. Yes, incredibly nice of her to read private emails.

She questioned me about it, and it surprised me slightly - although the eventuality that I would one day get caught had crossed my mind, and obviously spurned me on to continue acting as I had - but I felt completely bored by this whole debacle. "Why are you reading private emails?" I asked. She didn't have an answer. And we left it at that. To be continued tomorrow I guess.

The reason I bring this up, is not because it's interesting - it clearly isn't - but because this feeling of detachment seems to be something that prevails in my life. I just feel like its not me experiencing things, like I'm living in a dream. This all came to a head in a rather frightening experience a few weeks back when I was in Portugal with my dad, who had some kind of an 'attack' where he almost fell to the floor and shook violently, and when I looked in his eyes he was on another planet. I stayed during the episode, then when he calmed down, I rushed to grab the car keys, to take him to the hospital. In my rural region in Portugal, to call an ambulance is a waste of time, it'd take about 2 hours for one to get there probably. Anyway, once I returned he was looking better, and I was shaking with fear, absolute terror. At first I started to feel like I was watching a film, and then this changed to an almost hyperactive feeling, I almost wanted to smile or laugh, I felt full of energy, full of life. It was terrible, I really felt horrified with myself for days afterwards. Actually, I still feel horrified now. In one of the worst experiences of mine for years, I reacted in an unnatural manner.

It reminds me almost of when I was younger, and if somebody relatively unknown to me (a distant cousin, or a boy at school in another year) died, I'd react by laughing. It's not really the best of reactions to have at such things, but I couldn't help it.

This detachment has often followed me around. A girl would say "I love you" and I'd reply "Why?". In a fight, a guy would say "I want to kill you", I'd reply "I want to kill me too".

Recently I've attempted to combat this, to try and feel alive again. I think its working, but I'm taking some strange routes. I've quadrupled my weekly alcohol and drug intake, and the downers make me feel alive. I've begun to starve myself on weekdays, and the hunger pains make me feel alive. I've lost a stone in 4 weeks, and I feel alive, despite the fact I'm fading away. I've begun to stand dangerously close to moving trains and traffic, and the rush of wind makes me feel alive. I used to feel alive when a poker card turned my way, now I feel empathy for the loser.

I think I'm nearing the end of this experiment though, so don't worry dear readers, I'll be back to write another largely ignored blog post soon.

On a more positive note, I asked a girl out friday, and she said yes, but she was drunk. She's actually away right now, and she asked I text her to arrange the meet, so I text her a few days later to arrange it, as shes back day after tomorrow I think, but haven't heard anything yet. It's only been 29 hours, 43 minutes though, so maybe it isn't quite yet time for me to give up on her.

I'm really hoping she replies (obviously I'm not messaging her again now), otherwise I'm set to have a very boring, and ultimately depressing, christmas.

I want some fcking binkage from this bird, ONE TIME FFS ONE TIME.

I'll post some epic sex posts if she says yes, so please please pray for me too, otherwise I'll have to post more stories about mingers, shoes and....hand histories. Yes, I'll unleash some hand histories on you. You have been warned...

Worst date ever?

2009-12-16T13:41:00.000-08:00

Lol, read this (its NSFW by the way):

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191

About my worst date ever. Nothing truly shocking comes to mind, just the usual. I once had been chasing a girl for a while, and with no luck up until this point, when suddenly one day she texts me "I really want to go ice skating, and have nobody who wants to go with me, please come". Oh I came. Afterwards, I replied "Yeah of course", and off we went. It wasn't really that strange, I think we were 15 at the time, so ice skating was pretty common.

One small problem; I had never skated before. Not even roller skates or anything. I was a virgin (in every sense to be honest). Off we went, and with an ice rink full of expert skaters - or so they seemed - I held her hand romantically, stepped on the ice, looked in her eyes, and fell. I fell viciously to the ice. Taking her down with me. And she took down a couple of people standing near her too.

To have a whole rink of people laughing at you simultaneously isn't exactly the best way to get into a girls good books.

Another time, when I was 16, I went to a bowling alley with a girl and a few of our friends. We were getting on great, I was right in there, when one of my mates thought it would be funny to tell security that I had offered them weed in the toilets. Just like in the movies, in a darkened corner, I was moving in for the kiss, when suddenly two huge security guards grabbed me, and threw me out in a typically aggressive manner. "Don't think you can come here, and sell drugs you scummy bastard. Come back and we'll kick your teeth in". I was seriously baffled, what drugs had I been selling? But they scared me, and I went home for a pity wank. Later that day, I got a call from a few friends laughing their heads off, and all was revealed to me. Looking back, it was all very surreal. Why had they not just searched me or whatever? I guess they couldn't be bothered.

A bit more recently, maybe two years ago, I took a girl to a trendy bar she chose in a south-west London suburb. I've probably told this story before, it feels like it, but I'll brush over it quickly. So I had been told she was frigid etc, but things were going well, we had drank 3 drinks each, so we're feeling slightly loosened, she kept inching closer to me.

'Another drink?' I ask, she accepts. Things are going great, when I slowly touch her hand, which is almost on my fcking knee. Such a smooth move, a little touchy touchy, see how things are going, its worked pretty much every time before. It was like slow motion. Her facial expression went from joyful, to surprise, to sheer horror. 'Never been touched???' I thought to myself. She said something about not being that type of girl and walked out.

Then the barmaid brings over the two drinks I had just ordered. A Jack Daniels/Coke and a glass of Chardonnay. I hate drinking chardonnay, but I wasn't going to leave it there. Even the drunk old guy in the corner looked at me with pity.

Zoning Out

2009-12-10T14:11:00.001-08:00

Lately I've been zoning out a lot, not knowing where time has disappeared to, and feeling quite detached from my surroundings. It's an experience I am relatively used to, although in recent years it had subsided. My most intense period of zoning out was probably when I was working at Charing Cross Hospital, as part of a work placement for uni. It was a time when I pushed myself to the limit in a sense. I was working two jobs, one of which was for my degree, and was running on empty long before I began a drawn out phase of cannabis, whiskey and eating problems, which left me a quivering pale slender wreck. I remember once feeling ill all the way to the hospital, where I worked unsupervised in an office-type setting, and I could hear a buzzing all around me. I put it down to the air conditioning, and about an hour into my shift, I went to the toilet cubicle to roll a spliff. As I sat down, the buzzing seemed to intensify, and the walls closed in on me. I sat there for what seemed like hours, before rushing outside for some air. I began to walk and walk, and the the next thing I know I'm about a mile away from my work place, with no jacket on in mid-winter. I got back to work, and looked at the clock, noticing that three hours had passed since I had gone to the cubicle. And nobody ever noticed. I guess that was worse than someone noticing.

Four years on, and I'm sat looking at my screen and seeing nothing but an indecipherable light. The buzzing has returned, and the urge to walk is there. This time I'm not stoned though, and go and smoke a cigarette which makes me feel worse. Still, I fine the courage to get back to work and do what I can.

I begin to conjur up the past whilst sitting at my desk. Sometimes trivial matters, sometimes digging up stuff that I had forgotten, but which clearly still bother me.

I stutter through the day, and then meet a girl I've been 'seeing' after work. I've seen this girl a few times, and I like her. Brunette, smart, decent body. But as soon as I meet her this time, I know its over. I feel bored, inexplicably. We go for a drink, and she talks about whatever interests her but leaves me cold, topics of conversation I would probably have enjoyed just a few days ago. As she talks, her face looks deformed to me. I begin to see things that I'm not sure are really there. She now repulses me. I deny myself the urge to vomit on her lap, or spit on her. She begins to repulse me so much.

I make my excuses, and leave early. Feeling guilty as always. I behaved impeccably, but such thoughts against her differentiate me from a proper person. I turn my phone off, and will now begin the mind fuck games that will force her away.

On a poker related sense. I think I've quit. I played a $55 tournament, as part of a syndicate on rtr, and I bust when making a play. I felt disappointed, but only because of the syndicate. For the first time in months, I actually cared that I had been bust. And there and then I decided I couldn't be bothered anymore. The bug isn't there anymore, I really don't care. I charitably hand my money to others by playing terribly, and yet get insulted as a 'donk'. What kind of sick game is it we play?

Sleep

2009-12-03T06:16:00.000-08:00

I've recently experienced some difficulties in relation to my sleep patterns, and inevitably have struggled to wake most mornings. In an effort to correct this, I experienced some rather baffling occurances yesterday. As usual, I had arrived at work late, and reprimanded myself for such laziness, declaring that from this day forth I would start acting like a proper human being should; going to sleep early, waking on time, arriving at work promptly, and handing my days over to capitalism and my master.

On the journey home, the warmth of my crushed peers inside my central line train made me feel drowsy, and soon enough, I had dozed off into some kind of part-awake, part-asleep, part-trance-like state that only besieges me on public transport. I dreamt of green fields, a spring day, and the experience of contented nothingness. Whilst dreaming such things, I began to hear some ethereal music playing out of my ipod, which left me feeling further pleased with myself. I didn't realise I had such a fine choice of music on my ipod, and wow did it sound good now that it was appearing via my dreams. It sounded other worldly. I awoke two stops from home when a phone conversation of a fellow passenger - we were now overground - regarding what Dave had said about Kirsty behind her back had wormed its way into my dreams, ejecting me from paradise and back into the cattle class transportation that has become my second home.

At least the ethereal music kept playing, but it was beginning to die down, I went for my ipod to turn the volume up. And grasped a pocket full of air. I then realised I didn't have my ipod in, yet this music, that sounded so alive surrounded me. Was I in a half-dream like state? I began to panic slightly, and once calm found myself fighting the wind on my walk home. Where had the last 5 minutes of my journey gone? Where had the last 5 years gone, my id responded.

I arrived home, ate, had a shower, and once finalising my animalistic necessities, decided to do something that differentiates me from said animals, and logged onto facebook.

I was immediately struck down by something I find difficult to describe, as my newsfeed presented to me photos of my ex-girlfriend - the only girl I ever cared for - getting married. I really tried to find feelings of nostalgia in me, or hurt, or even happiness, but all I could feel was that she really shouldn't have chosen a 1930s vintage dress for her wedding. I was depressed by the photos, which resembled a past-gone era, shot in grainy film, where the whole world was murdering each other at a rate never before seen and poverty was a gift everyone could enjoy. I began to type my feelings in a message to her, before resolutely deleting this message before I had sent it. I didn't want to waste my time seeming like a bitter bastard, when in fact it would have been a political and economic observation, and so I did the right thing and deleted. I asked myself where the last minute had gone. It had gone where the last 8 hours had gone.

I occupied myself for the next hour by watching quality arts programming, such as 'Britains Young Hairdresser of the Year' before retiring to bed.

I dreamt I was at the poker tables, and kept getting dealt great hands. Rockets, Kings, Queens, Big Slick. And always cracked by the hammer. I awoke on time, hit the snooze on the alarm clock and felt great. I ate breakfast feeling light, feeling like I was floating on air. Then I heard an alarm noise. And awoke again. I was still in bed. I had dreamt I had gotten up. My physical urges for more sleep had outsmarted me. I didn't feel very good, and wondered where the night had gone, the last 12 hours since I had left work. I looked in the mirror, brushed my teeth. Where had the last 12 years gone...

I live too far from the city...

2009-11-29T15:20:00.000-08:00

I've been out quite a few times in central London these past few days, largely because I work in the city, and partially because I'm tired of the boring fish that populate my area. I live in the London suburbs, zone 4 to be precise, so to all you non-London cavemen, that's about an hour it takes me to get to the city.

So on Thursday night a few guys from work went out, to some ghey Wetherspoons, and the next thing I know, I've had 5 pints, it's 10.30pm and I need to get home to write an article for that sports website. Sigh. So I say goodbye to the ladies and laygays I was with, and caught the tube. As always, about 4 stops in I feel a real need to take a piss. I try to hold it, I put on my i-pod, close my eyes. Nope, still need a piss. Okay, so I try my other technique...I think I read somewhere that if you get an erection, it takes away your need to piss. Might aswell try it, so I start thinking about yazum, redtube, joppas naked torso etc. No use, it wasn't working. So I take a look aroud the carriage, a milf to my left, wearing a large winter coat, red, black gloves, knee high boots, jeans. Yes. Its working, and just like watching the same porno for too long, I started to get bored. I look to my right, a couple of businessmen...nah, not really feeling my rentboy fantasies tonight. Ah yes, in the distance a 6ft polish girl, she'll do. As I'm taking a look, I hear the sound of splashing, water dropping to the floor.

I look left, and there is this geeky looking guy, standing about 5 metres to my left, puking all over the shop. I had noticed him earlier, he looked like a typical city drunk businessman. I look towards the direction of the other businessmen, and they look in disgust, one of the starts to look nauseous and starts retching LOL. The puker gets off at the next stop, and the retcher moves carriage, I look towards the milf, and I can tell she wants to laugh, I catch her eye and we begin laughing. We kept laughing, and a few other on the carriage laugh, then we all realise that this is borderline mass hysteria, and soberly stop laughing.

Anyway, I still really need to piss. So I get off at Notting Hill, and go to a pub to piss. I generally would just piss on the street, but it was kind of nippy out. As I walk to the pub toilets, the barman stops me and says its only for customers. I thought that only happened in films. I then buy a whiskey, down it, and go for a piss. I feel loose, I feel good. As I'm leaving, some weirdo with really thick glasses stops me, he's drinking with another guy, who looks respectable whilst reading the horse racing pull-out from The Sun, and says he felt for me having to buy a drink to use the toilet, I agree, and sulked a bit. He asked me to settle a bet with his friend, they argued about who had been the US president before the first george bush, and I was like "I don't know man, find an American and ask them". They laughed, I didn't.

He then asked if I enjoyed cider and football, I said of course, and he bought a cider, I rejected his offer of a cider, but then felt thirsty and bought myself one. I prefer not to get in rounds with strangers. Not sure if he was offended or relieved, but we talked about the weekend of derbies. He talked of Arsenal and Chelsea, Barca and Real, everton and liverpool, and I mentioned Sporting and Benfica, and he feigned interest. Now at this point, I realise this guy might be some kinky bastards or something, and swig my cider before making an exit. I think I literally just walked out on them, without even saying bye. The guy had really thick glasses. I was scared.

I caught the tube again, and needed another piss.

FFS.

I somehow held on, and the whole way I keep thinking 'I live too far from the city...'. And that was that.

I tried to go drinking in my local the next day, and by 10pm, me and a friend were the last people in the pub.

The next day I persuaded this same friend to try central london, I promised him girls, vibrant atmosphere etc. We ended up in a Sam Smiths pub, which is the furthest away from what I had promised, but with £2 a pint, I couldn't complain. After 3 drinks, I'm already feeling the drink, as I hadn't eaten. I have another, and now I'm definitely feeling it. I go to the toilet, and as I return, my friend is talking to two guys...one with really thick glasses, and another reading the racing post.

I nearly dropped a bollock.

I down the rest of drink, tell my friend we have to go, and scatter.

He asks why we left etc., I start to say I met them before, and I don't want to chill with them, because its like something from a borderline B-movie horror. It starts to rain really hard, we get on the tube, and end up in our local again.

The next day he calls me and we spoke of the day before, I said "Isn't it weird that I ran into this guys again?", he asks how I recognised them, I said the really thick glasses...he was like "huh?", and told me the guys he was chatting to were both old irish guys with no glasses that had talked to him about denman and the racing.

I'm confused.

Got ID'd at the supermarket...WTF

2009-11-19T14:51:00.000-08:00

It's been a week since I bought my copy of Modern Warfare 2, and I'm still in disbelief. Not at the game, or its intense quality, nah who cares about that, I'm still in disbelief at getting ID'd at Tesco when I bought it.

I'm 25 years old, I haven't been ID'd for about 5 years, I look 25, I act 25, I smell 25, I am depressed 25.

Worst thing is, I worked at this Tesco for 6 years, and the person that served me worked there at the same time as me. Okay, she works on tills and I was part time on dairy, but still, its a supermarket...surely she recognised me. Even worse, she is a pretty hot 20-something year old, not some grandma with dementia or something. And yet she didn't remember me. Sigh.

Another epic fail with the ladies. I recently read an article that stated that 50% of people had sex with someone they met on the tube. Seeing as I ride it every day, I thought I'd try and get some use out of it.

I began eyeing this hot girl wearing FMBs (fck me boots for you illiterates), she looked greek, she was looking a little vulnerable...perfect. I catch her eye, she looks scared. Maybe its not scared, maybe she's surprised. Yeah, give it another go, a cheekay look. The guy sat next to her gets up and gets off the train, she says "come sit next to me". My eyes almost pop out of my head, and in my moment of shock, I see another guy sit next to her. And they kiss. Ah, she was speaking to her boyfriend. FFS.

Not to worry, I have some girl who I met at a gig a few weeks ago chasing me on facebook, its her birthday next week, she's invited me etc. I couldn't quite remember what she looked like, and browsed her facebook fotos. She resembles a white rat. I hate rats. But still, why not get drunk and do it.

Well...I smoked a little mersh, and then had the most fucked up dream. I dreamt I met rat faces family, and her brother says to me "You're a good looking guy, why do you bother hanging around my sister?"

I then woke up, and felt sick. Even her brother is repulsed by her.

Not sure she has a brother tbh, but once I dreamt it would rain, and awoke to see it was raining, so I trust my dreams.

Not to worry, I'll think of something new...back with an update after the weekend, I have a good feeling I'm gonna pull a fat bird

edit:

In relation to my day to day bizzness, I've not played much poker lately...been concentrating more on writing and stuff. I've begun writing a couple of pieces a week for goal.com, my latest an article on Queiroz and Portugal. I've also worked a bit on a short story I've been writing, about someone losing control...I'm actually really pleased with my writing, it's advanced greatly in recent years. That's a plan for the weekend, I want to get at least 4 hours writing done, that'll leave me pleased.

The Bloggerment....Hi Amatay

2009-11-16T15:32:00.000-08:00

I played Sunday night 9pm UK time on stars, you fish should all play, its 5doll and the secret password is donkament.

I play to learn from the great one Amatay.

first hand of the tourney, I get to duel with the master

PokerStars Game #35401548863: Tournament #210992952, $5.00+$0.50 USD Hold'em No Limit - Level I (10/20) - 2009/11/15 21:00:04 WET [2009/11/15 16:00:04 ET]
Table '210992952 1' 9-max Seat #1 is the button
Seat 1: Al Eleven (1500 in chips)
Seat 2: Joppa Rd (1500 in chips)
Seat 3: NoCash25 (1500 in chips)
Seat 4: 1tripz1 (1500 in chips)
Seat 5: weegem (1500 in chips)
Seat 6: Bossanova21 (1500 in chips)
Seat 7: simonjjj (1500 in chips)
Seat 8: Kronsdat (1500 in chips)
Joppa Rd: posts small blind 10
NoCash25: posts big blind 20
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Bossanova21 [7d 2h]
1tripz1: folds
weegem: folds
Joppa Rd said, "seems like a nice boy x"
Bossanova21: raises 40 to 60
1tripz1 said, "how do you play this game"
NoCash25 said, "if u get an ace u have won"
simonjjj: calls 60
Kronsdat: folds
Al Eleven: folds
1tripz1 said, "ok"
1tripz1 said, "ty"
Joppa Rd: folds
NoCash25: folds
*** FLOP *** [Ks 5c Qh]
Bossanova21: bets 87
NoCash25 said, "2s are wild"
simonjjj: folds
Uncalled bet (87) returned to Bossanova21
Bossanova21 collected 150 from pot
Bossanova21: shows [7d 2h] (high card King)
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 150 | Rake 0
Board [Ks 5c Qh]
Seat 1: Al Eleven (button) folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 2: Joppa Rd (small blind) folded before Flop
Seat 3: NoCash25 (big blind) folded before Flop
Seat 4: 1tripz1 folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 5: weegem folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 6: Bossanova21 collected (150)
Seat 7: simonjjj folded on the Flop
Seat 8: Kronsdat folded before Flop (didn't bet)

Oh wait, wrong hand.

HAMMER TIME

I noticed amatay bring back the min-raise. It was like 2006 all over again.

So I myself brought it out. remember, min-raise = nuts

77 = the shizzle

PokerStars Game #35402876739: Tournament #210992952, $5.00+$0.50 USD Hold'em No Limit - Level II (15/30) - 2009/11/15 21:25:00 WET [2009/11/15 16:25:00 ET]
Table '210992952 1' 9-max Seat #3 is the button
Seat 1: Al Eleven (888 in chips)
Seat 2: Joppa Rd (1370 in chips)
Seat 3: NoCash25 (1735 in chips)
Seat 4: 1tripz1 (675 in chips)
Seat 5: weegem (1395 in chips)
Seat 6: Bossanova21 (1870 in chips)
Seat 7: simonjjj (2747 in chips)
Seat 8: Kronsdat (1320 in chips)
1tripz1: posts small blind 15
weegem: posts big blind 30
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Bossanova21 [7c 7d]
Bossanova21: raises 30 to 60
simonjjj: calls 60
Kronsdat: folds
Al Eleven: folds
Joppa Rd: folds
NoCash25: calls 60
1tripz1: calls 45
weegem: calls 30
*** FLOP *** [3s 9d 5c]
1tripz1: checks
weegem: checks
Bossanova21: bets 30
simonjjj: folds
NoCash25: calls 30
1tripz1: raises 585 to 615 and is all-in
weegem: folds
Bossanova21: folds
NoCash25: calls 585
*** TURN *** [3s 9d 5c] [7h]
*** RIVER *** [3s 9d 5c 7h] [7s]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
1tripz1: shows [9s Qs] (two pair, Nines and Sevens)
NoCash25: shows [9c Td] (two pair, Nines and Sevens - lower kicker)
1tripz1 collected 1560 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 1560 | Rake 0
Board [3s 9d 5c 7h 7s]
Seat 1: Al Eleven folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 2: Joppa Rd folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 3: NoCash25 (button) showed [9c Td] and lost with two pair, Nines and Sevens
Seat 4: 1tripz1 (small blind) showed [9s Qs] and won (1560) with two pair, Nines and Sevens
Seat 5: weegem (big blind) folded on the Flop
Seat 6: Bossanova21 folded on the Flop
Seat 7: simonjjj folded on the Flop
Seat 8: Kronsdat folded before Flop (didn't bet)

epic fail fold

Then that fish JR fluked it somehow, when his pauper JJ sucked out against my AK, and when he called 12 bbs after my shove with AJ, with KTs

yeah wp fish.

then he hits a K on the river.

RIGGED.

Oh, btw, I have a chat ban on stars, hence my silent nature...i think it still has 2 weeks to run, sigh

So close...now what?

2009-11-15T04:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was like some kind of doomsday, with wind, storms, and whatever else making it feel like it was 7pm at 1pm. To combat such a depressing sight, I smoked some mersh and headed off to buy a pot noodle.

Watched the england brazil game, and was throughly bored as I had expected. I had planned to go watch the game in The Court on Warren Street, a ghey bar inhabited by students. Or in my delusions, a ghey bar inhabited by nympho late teen girls. I had planned to go down, watch the game, and rush back for the portugal bosnia game. After seeing the weather, and smoking the mersh, this plan went out the window as you expect.

Portugal won anyway in case you care. Quite lucky though.

After the game, I loaded up a few tarbs, and went deep in a 6-max $5 5k gtd on stars, finishing 17/1900 when I was down to about 12bbs, and shoved my pocket Qs into a limped pot pre-flop, only to be snap called by someone with AT, who obviously hit his A and it was gg me.

I was actually kind of annoyed the whole time, because I really wanted to sleep, and by this point it was 4.30am, and I only got 4 hours sleep, for a total $20 profit i made last night. Nice.

I kinda fcked up in that tourney, not on the QQ hand, but about 2 blind levels before, I lost 30% of my stack on a weird river call, where my tripps were no match for a flush, and it moved me from having a workable stack, to having to tighten up a bit, and in the end shove shove.

In other news, I really want to find some stuff to do on weeknights. Sick of wasting my time playing poker. I usually work Monday-Friday, not doing much in the evenings, and then get wasted weekends to try and forget work. What an existence, the capitalism dream. Keep the population so occupied they don't offer any resistance...

Anyway, I'm thinking of joining one of those ghey book clubs, but I'm worried it'll be full of OAPs and the like. I don't mind the odd GILF, but tbh, its not my scene. I've also thought about taking some kind of evening course, maybe writing or a language course. Ok, you got me. I'm basically seeking ways of meeting more kinkay birds. Not the type you meet in bars, where the word filthy means they are lager lout bitches with no intelligence. Nah, I mean those type of fcked up women that make me feel normal, and good about myself.

It's nice to find people worse off than you, doesn't make me feel so bad when I go to sleep at night.

Any of you fish recommend any wholesome evening activities? And no joppa, I don't have a 4x4 or a forest near by, so thats out the question, although you do seem a caring lover...

CoD Modern Warfare 2 will cost me £100 or more...

2009-11-10T13:50:00.000-08:00

I don't even play computer games, but the hype about this one, and the fact that CoD is one of the few games I actually like, forced me to buy it.

So I heard Sainsburys had it for £26, and rushed there, but sold out.

I also knew Asda had it for £32 or something, so went there. The thing is, I never go to Asda and they've re-done the whole area recently, so as I was driving there, down some dark unfamiliar road, where all street lights were out, I turned right into the road I thought led me to Asda.

Oops, wrong road, it was some bus lane thing, instant ticket. Sigh.

Got to Asda, sold out.

Sigh.

So now when I finally get my MW2, it'll have cost me at least £100. The worst thing is, I pretty much turned onto that road again after discovering it only led into an industrial estate, realised it was a fking bus lane, and reversed out. I must have only driven a 2 or 3 metres onto it, anyhow if I get 2 fking tickets ARRRGHHH, the thought is enough to life tilt me.

I'm seriously pissed.

fk u dvla or whoever puts these cameras. fk u sainsburys and asda.

I've also seen loads of people getting £50 fines outside my workplaces for throwing cigarette butts on the floor. What?? Who decides the price of these fines? 50 fcking beans for a fag end? fking wankers. If I get a ton in fines, it'll be nearly 10% of my monthly wage, and i earn about national average. Imagine those poor sods at tesco or somewhere, these fines are ridic.

rant over/

Infomercials and all that

2009-11-08T05:08:00.000-08:00

I really need to stop watching such awful television, my most guilty pleasure is watching infomercials when I'm baked or drunk.

The other day, I saw this one, and I was ridiculously close to buying this:

lol.

Spending 40 quid or whatever just because I'm too lazy to chop stuff up. My favourite bit is when he says "Look at this tuna, its boring, stop eating boring tuna and having a boring life. Lets slap and chop, this is an exciting salad, you're gonna have an exciting life".

Haven't been up to much lately, I've really slowed down the amount of poker I play, because I have lost my interest in the game, and coupled with some other interests of mine, I'm struggling to find time to play. I played a few tourneys yday, and broke even. I played the $5r on stars, and was 200/400 when my JJ ran into a short stacker with AA, and then when 320/370 I shoved Q9s on a limped board, and was called by 88, flop came 9sTxJs, turn Xx, river Qx

sigh.

Went to Westfields shopping centre with a friend yesterday, and basically we 'dreamed the dream' by spending the day walking around and window shopping. I hate shopping centres, but I hadn't seen this friend in a while, and he called me asking if I wanted to go Westfields, have a look around, grab a bite to eat etc.

So after a couple of hours of checking out shirts, suits, trainers, jeans, and even furnitures at Next, we went to some all you can eat Chinese buffet place, where after a plate and a half I felt my stomach rumble discontently and decided that unless I want to spend the night on the porcelain I should stop there.

Ended up back at my local pub with my mate, and had a few pints. This pub is probably one of the most boring pubs in London, and doesn't even have sky tv. So we sat there and watched the X-factor whilst moaning about stuff, and lamenting past opportunities. My friend is one of the worst offenders for this, everytime we meet, it kind of leaves me looking at myself introspectively and depressing me tbh. By 9.45pm we were the last people in this pub, and decided that it was best to leave as the night was fail.

On the way home I bumped into another friend, who was completely baked, and we sat under a bus-stop smoking and discussing money making techniques, and global conspiracies. This guy is one of those people that just excites me tbh, whenever I bump into him I get a surge of optimism, and the fact that he is completely bonkers just makes things more interesting. He started by discussing his job, his plans, and then swiftly moved on to tell me about a book he's writing, on work-place motivation and how he was sleeping with some ugly girl from a publishing company with the hope she'll sort something out. He then started talking about global conspiraces, the NWO, something about 2012, and a bunch of other federal conspiraces. Not sure where the conversation went after that, but by the end of it for some reason I had agreed to go out on some double date with some 'not very attractive polish girls', he had a plan for these girls too, i think one of them works in an estate agents, and thats his dream job apparently. Whatever.

We smoked some more, I walked home in the rain, and decided that I needed to be more pro-active in life, stop wasting my time gambling, stop spending so much time on the net, and spending money drinking in my local and get out there and do something.

After eating a hastily made cheese sandwich, I sat down and spent the next 4 hours losing money on pokerstars and watching youtube videos.

Nights out, something smells like...

2009-10-31T05:11:00.000-07:00

Another week, another weekend. Yay. Went out with some work-mates last night, I don't have much in common with most of them, but am quite good friends with a handful. So first off we went to this indie bar which was the same place that had previously refused me entry because my mate was wearing shoes.

I hadn't even planned on going out, but after a day full of headaches due to the intensely boring and high volume work I had to get through, I decided to go out for a couple...yeah you know how that usually ends up. I really wanted to get home to watch the FC Porto match though, and also QPR my second team were playing. Anyway, got carried away, next thing I know its 8.45pm, and it takes me an hour to get home, so would miss the match anyway.

To make things worse I found out that Porto drew 1-1, and QPR lost 2-1, both at home. Sigh. I got quite upset that Porto drew lol, it means Benfica bastards can go 5 points clear now. I sometimes wonder why I care so much...

Anyway, let me start again: I left work at about 6.30pm, then after two or three drinks I decided to go watch the football, a couple of girls I work with said they were leaving too, then as we were outside one got a call from her mate who works down the road, she was at a bar with female workmates from some consultancy. My workmate asked if I wanted to accompany her to the bar, fk the footie I though, and off I went.

Got there, and tbh I was dressed quite trampish for the citay, I had an old tshirt, jeans and trainers on, whilst everyone else was wearing shirts/suits. But whatever, I was still getting a lot of attention from her workmates, asking who I was etc. I'm never quite sure when girls do this if it's cos they want to find out if I'm fking their workmate, or if they wanted a bit of rough ;-)

I didn't get to find out, because my friend kept displaying some kind of cockblock tactics, and would keep fkin dragging me from their clutches and talking to me about whatever shizz she had one her mind. I don't mind too much, I actually find her quite cool...and definitely would tbh, but she works on my team and thats trouble imo. So anyway, towards the end of the night, it was still quite early tbh, my workmate and her friend were like "we're going home now, you staying?". lol. I could hardly stay there with her work mates, who had stopped showing my much attention, probably cos they thought my workmate - aka the cockblock - was my missus or something.

So I left too, and they went their separate ways, and I did too. Not even a hint of an after party or another pub. Sigh. They are good girls. Y'know the type. Brush their teeth twice a day, get their 5 fruit and veg, never taken drugs, never indulged in anal. Y'know the type.

All is not lost, I reckon I should be able to get another crack at those consultancy girls soon, seeing as they work so close, and this time I'm not leaving early, I'll just get a mate to tag along with me and when the von trapps go home, I can still stay without looking like a leecher...

So as they headed to their abodes, I decided to go to Burger King. Fkin £7 on a BK meal, I got some double angus crap...man, why do my eyes get bigger than my stomach when drunk...

After that went home, and took a massive dump. Now the relevance of this, my dumps have really started to smell badly. I first noticed this in the summer, when I visited Portugal. Before this, my shit smelt of roses imo. Since Portugal I've really struggled to be in the same room as my stools, which is a bit of a problem tbh. The first time it happened, I almost choked, but somehow got through it. I imagined that it was just a temporary problem, maybe too much superbock and presunto or something. But no, the smell didn't dilute. Eventually it weakened (or I got used to), but then I visited Delhi, and yep...the beast of a smell returned. Even now, my shit just doesn't smell like my shit, so either I got worms or some shizz, or I'm losing the plot :S

Either way, I'm considering the addition of a gas mask next to my copy of Argos I like to browse whilst visiting the porcelain palace...

Anyway, its halloween, and its annoying. Got kids knocking and trick or treating. where the fk did they come from? this is the first year ever. anyway, lucky for them (or for me) i got some chocolate.

Problem is, Im feeling like having a quick wank before I got out later, just to empty the tank, and I don't want to get started only for a kid to knock on the door trick or treating. Imagine that, answering the door with a boner...

:S

I think I'll just have to forfeit the wank and go out with a loaded gun...

sports betting

2009-10-27T15:10:00.000-07:00

Got a bit fed up of poker tbh, I am unable to play enough volume (because of work etc.), and so end up playing a handful of games a week, and really getting annoyed when busting lol.

I need to stop playing ridic freezouts with 3k+ players, and sticking to re-buys (where I tend to go deep) and smaller field sngs/mtts.

Anyway, I decided to start getting back into my sports betting and have already made a 100% return on my sports betting fund :)

I shortlisted some selections this weekend, and all of them came in, shame I didn't back them all. Here were my selections:

Layed Man Utd at 2.5 vs Liverpool (2-0 pool)
Layed Leixoes at 2.8 vs Setubal (1-0 setubal)
Layed River Plate at 1.7 at HT vs Boca (1-1 ft)
Backed porto at 1.7 to win on 60mins vs academica (3-2 win)

Selections I considered and tipped others to do, but didnt do them:

Lay Man City at 1.49 (I thought they'd sneak a win)
Lay Arsenal at 1.5 (decided the arse were due a bad result, but couldn't bring myself to do it)
Back Milan vs Napoli at evs (Milan are super dodgy, and proved it, but somehow won)

I also always like to lay really short odds, and almost layed Bolton vs Everton when they were 2-0 up...

I layed benfica at 2-1 vs nacional (they won 6-1 lol, i just hate benfica though)

And tonight, layed Sporting on 85 mins at 1.1 vs guimaraes, a 93rd min equaliser by guimaraes WOOOOOOO

Good stuff, I often lay in running, but I'll see if I can be bothered to give any selections end of week.

I'm currently eyeing a lay of Juve tomorrow vs samp, but the price doesn't appeal greatly to me. It's an option though...

running good, until the latter stages...

2009-10-23T04:02:00.000-07:00

So I got back from Portugal last night, the trip didn't quite turn out as I had hoped. I was hoping for some sun, moderate heat, and a chillaxed time in the rural region I was in.

Nope.

Got there on Sunday night, and it was mild as fook. Ah lovely. Then Monday started brilliantly, warm sun shine, I was out in only a t-shirt. The suddenly, like a woman scorned, the weather turned on me. Howling wind, persistant rain, and cold cold weather.

I don't have a fkin heater in my parents house in portugal (which was where I was staying), so I had to visit a bunch of relatives and basically scrounge their fireplace whilst covertly making out that I was paying them a visit. So after sitting by the fireplace, and noticing their restlessness as I refused to leave, I would go back home, smelling of smoke, and huddling myself into bed where I shivered the night away.

Apart from this, I managed to get done all the shizz I went to do, so it wasn't all bad.

On the drive back to the airport, the sun re-surfaced and I was driving at 130kph down a motorway wearing a winter jacket that refused to unzip.

FFS.

Got back last night, heated up a few tarbs, things were looking good, I was on 10k chips in a $11 180manners sng on stars, I was playing well, was about 4/50, when I was raise utg with AK, I get the guy to my left flat me, and some fish I'd seen shove Ax a few times on the button shove 3k at me, I obv re-shoved so I could isolate him, guy to my left folds, and the button flips AQ, woo, hold hold hold, flop comes XXX, X, Q.

FUCK YOU.

Down to 7k, still a decent stack, no worries. A few hands later, on the c/o I see pocket deuces. I raise, the sb and bb both flat, the flop comes X, 2, K rainbow. Checked to me, I raise 50% pot, bb calls. Turn: T, the bb then shoves his remaining 3k into me, and I call, he flops KT, the river: K

OH FUCK YOU STARS.

Down to about 2k, I basically jizzed off my remaining chips in some standard ghey pot.

I was also looking good in the 5doll rebuy on stars, I was card dead as motherfcker, but kept raising with junk and hitting, was 150/200 in the end, when I shoved Qx into QQ, sigh.

Went to bed pretty fking pissed tbh.

Still, I'm feeling good about my game, terrorising the tables, but losing key flips. Sigh.

Off to coventry for a night now to see my bro, might play a few more tarbs upon my return tomorrow. he's at uni, so hoping I can ship myself a fresh faced young madam, ship ship 1 time, run goooood 1 times

Loose cannon (again)

2009-10-17T04:33:00.000-07:00

Went down again last night, got down to the final 2 tables but bust when shoving 5k utg with T3os with blinds at 800/1600, Button calls with AQ, flop comes 3-A-X, X, X. gg me.

Still love the 'Oh my god' from the players on the table when I flipped over my T3, such noobs.

The reason I was short stacked was because of a hand a level earlier, I had 9k stack, blinds 600/1200, my stack was ok tbh, about average, the blinds raise fkin quick there. So Im in BB, the SB with a 4k stack(a complete fish, I've seen him play a lot), limps. I look down at A5, and decide to see the flop, because this fish will call any raise with ATC, flop comes 4-5-T rainbow, he min-raises, I ship all-in, he calls with K9os. Turn: X. River: K. WTF was that call about? Did he think I was queen high bluffing? lol

After that, I got moved table, and the T3 hand happened.

Had a decent time anyway, although I'm convinced I got dealers curse. I began dealing for the table, and after running decently, the A5 v K9 happened. Everytime I deal for a table, I fkin get some sick beat.

I'm off to Portugal for a few days next week, going to see some family etc., then off to Coventry to stay with my brother for a couple of nights, he's at uni there, so hopefully I get to sample some fresh(er) meat :D :D.

I'm also mulling over beginning to get into sports betting again. I used to do it quite a lot, and my main downfall was lack of BR management. I'm good at that now, so should be able to make a profit on the sports...we'll see.

Stuff you never noticed as a kid...

2009-10-11T11:20:00.000-07:00

Did anybody used to watch Rainbow? Check out this video, fast forward it a few seconds until Bungle walks in, and then listen to the conversation...

Wait until the woman and the 2 guys come in, thats the best bit loool

Loose Cannon update

2009-10-07T09:55:00.000-07:00

So I headed down, and I dunno...I just wasn't feeling the night tbh.

I went down straight from work, and had a couple of pints, and it just wasn't sinking properly...maybe I'm getting old.

I regged for the £10+3 tourney, and they gave me a raffle ticket. Basically, the first 50 peeps in the door got a raffle ticket, and 25 tickets would win £15. So I had a 50% chance of winning my buy-in back.

When they did the raffle, I couldn't even find my raffle ticket..FML.

About the tourney, I got past the break, and then when down to about 3k, with the blinds 200/400, I was in the BB with pocket trays. c/o raises 2 bbs, button calls, I shove, c/o folds, button calls with QQ. lol.

I busto.

This button was pretty terrible. He managed to double up to 8k early on with AA vs QQ, and so had 8k stack. He gets into a 3 way pot when the blinds were at 50/100 or so, I think it was either a limped pot, or min-raised, and the flops comes T6T. The BB (3k stack) raises, the c/o min-re-raises (5k stack), and he bets 3k (he's the button again here), the bb calls all-in, the c/o moves all-in for another 2k, and he folds LMAO. He said he has AK.

WTF.

And then he busto-d me later on. Sigh.

Afterwards, I couldn't be bovved going reflex, I didn't have my railbirds with me, and my mate who was also playing was still in.

So I went home, and that was that. Pretty boring lol.

I think I'll be going back again Friday, I just hope I fkin am in a better mood, this weather is beginning to deject me sigh.

BTW, when I got home, I found my raffle ticket.

Loose Cannon

2009-09-30T06:47:00.000-07:00

Might be going to the Loose Cannon in Cannon Street for their weekly Friday night tournay this week.

It's £10+3, and a decent little tourn, full of fish, and good ales on tap.

They actually served my ale in one of those old man glasses that you only ever see on TV these days, like in Emmerdale or some shizz, you know what I mean, the thick glasses with the handle.

I was quite chuffed to be drinking from one, until the tourn started and it didn't fit in the fckin cup holder.

FFS.

So anyway, its 20 min levels until the break on the hour, then 15 min levels.

So I took my turbo strategy which I employ online with me, i.e. playing nit until about the 4th or 5th level, then shove/fold.

lol.

Things were going well, apart from a slight insane boredom I felt, but the ales responded to that. Anyway, post-break, I was dealt Q4 on the bb, folded to the sb, some city boy type guy who had just moved tables, he raises, I decide to play a hand thinking he's taking the piss

Flop A-Q-X

He raises, I call

X

same again

X

he moves all-in, I call, he shows AT

LOL

Anyway, I explained this much better in this thread on rtr
Some railbirds were pushing for me to go to an 80s bar, reflex, round the corner. Ended up there, loved it :D

Anyway, I reckon I'll go back there friday, so if any other fish from london are at a loose end, come down to the loose cannon, and if you bust, chase the loose women in reflex.

Worst interview experience?

2009-09-24T14:37:00.000-07:00

On a forum I post on, I was asked about my worst job experience, so as to not let this blog die, I'll tell it...

boring story alert

I applied for a marketing job with a firm called Fosters Marketing. Now, like any graduate, I was applying for a dozen jobs a day, and not really checking them out.

Well, I gotta a call from them, and an interview was arranged. Obviously I tried to read up on the company before the interview to not look like a numpty, but I couldn't find a website, and the email they sent me to confirm the interview didn't contain a website. The job description was something like they were a massive marketing firm, doing business with disney, crayola etc.

Okay.

So got to the interview, it was in Bank/Moorgate, well posh offices, looked like the apprentice. Interviewer was some black guy, skinhead, looked like that Tory guy from big brother. Anyway, the interview was done in twos, which I have never seen or heard of before. So I did my interview with the guy, and some hungarian girl simultaneously interviewed with me, he'd ask her a question, she'd answer, he'd ask me the same question, I'd usually just answer the opposite to her lol.

So "Are you a team player or prefer individual work?"

She: "Individual"

Me: "Team" etc

We both asked what the job entailed exactly, and were greated by businessman spiel, "its marketing, its sales, its a chance to be your own boss. we work with some of the largest companies in the world. Disney, crayola, these are names everyone recognises. Are you a follower or a leader? DO you want to be your own boss in a few months?" yawn

Outside, I spoke to the Hungarian girl, and said that something was weird, like why interview in 2s, and why no website? I agreed, and we said good-bye. This was about 5.30 pm at this point.

I went home, got changed, then met my mate in the pub, he had just passed his driving test, so we went to a pub quiz to celebrate, and got wasted. About 7pm, I got a call from this Fosters Marketing, I was called back for a 2nd round interview, 8.30 am the next day, and I was told I'd be pitching and marketing some products etc. I was desperate for a job, and so I obviously was happy.

Now this is the true regret of the night, it was about 1.30 am and we met 2 girls outside a kebab shop lol, they were aussies, relatively hot, and I reckon we were in. We grabbed a bite, chatted for a while, I looked at my watch, 2.30 am. Fvck. I was really desperate for this job, and so fobbed off the girls and went home, me and my mate were so smashed we didn't even get their numbers

Anyway, got 2 hours sleep, went to the interview, feeling nauseous. I got there, and there were like 20 grads sitting in the waiting room (including the hungarian...she was desperate for a job too), and they were playing loud garage music (big in these days lol), and I swear I couldn't fcking work out wtf was happening. I was soooo close to just going home, cos I knew this wasn't right, but I was fking desperate, DESPERATE for work, so I stayed.

They paired me up with some guy who worked there, we were each given 2 large sports bags filled with something, and we hit the streets. Caught the tube to london bridge, then had to catch an overground to zone 5 in east london, sigh, my travelcard only covered the tube, so I shelled another £6 on travel (obviously the company didn't pay cvnts). BTW I live in zone 4 west london at this point.

sigh.

I get off, and I still have no idea where we are going. Whenever I ask the guy, he just says we're going to market some products, and I have to show my sales skills. Desperate for work...

We walk 10 minutes, catch a bus somewhere, and then walk into some cafe, and the guy I'm with walks over to a rasta eating a full english, opens the bag, pulls out one of those kids fake laptops, the disney ones, but without disney branding, and says "Hello sir, can I interest you in this exclusive kids laptop? Do you have kids...", my jaw drops. He then tries to sell some crayola crayons (the boxes looked obviously crayola, but without the brand on it). etc.

I'm a bit shocked at this point. We walk into an estate agent next door, they basically kick us out.

At this point I drop the bag inside in the estate agents, and walk out, without saying a word to the guy I was with. I'm now in Zone 5, no idea where the fk I am. No money in my pocket, none in my bank account, no credit on my phone, and I'm pissed off.

Super fcking pissed off. I wonder if I should just steal the bag of goods off the other guy and smack him if he tries anything, but then I'm not like that, so decide against it. I'll go back to the offices in bank and smack the bald black guys.

I somehow find my way to a train station, and on my way back to the city my phone rings, its my mate, who I'd been drinking with the night before, I tell him whats happening and that I'm pissed off, and he starts laughing lol

Like proper laughing.

He tells me he's got a couple of girls waiting for us in some park, lol, so I end up going straight to meet him and not twatting that bloke. Maybe I was never actually going to.

Over the years, I've told this story a couple of times, and actually met people who had the exact same experience. One was a south african girl who went to the job interview with her last £10, and ended up on the other side of london too. I guess thats the bit that really pissed me off.

It was all a scam I think, like you'd work for a month for them, then turn up to work and find they'd disappeared, and you worked a month for free. Thats what I heard anyway.

I don't think I was dumb tbh, its just when you look for work, you try anything...

WTF?

2009-09-08T10:08:00.000-07:00

Just read this article on betfair: http://betting.betfair.com/poker/web-watch/de-wolfe-in-controversial-pot-at-ept-barcelona-080909.html

lol controversy ooooh

Why the fk would the guy call 95k with Q-high :s

siiiiick isn't the word though, thats why i love online OH YEAH

Another wasted weekend

2009-09-06T14:15:00.001-07:00

I had planned to really put some volume in this weekend, around 12 hours or so, and ended up playing about 30 minutes.

I played a satellite to a WCOOP event, ran good and qualified. And then only lasted 6 mins. After that, I decided to grab a bite to eat, and then the football began (fuck you queiroz you prick), and decided I'd maybe put in 6 hours after this.

Just as the footie ended, a friend called, and I ended up going to the pub.

Today I just couldn't be bothered, and by some miracle I actually spent some time writing. Wow, I know. Only about 300 words though lol.

I've written about 1,300 words of a piece, and I'm kinda on the third chapter already, lol, its a fcked up piece. I just want to write something so that I've written something, I don't care anymore if its shit, as long as I can be proud of it and say I did my best, thats all I want. Far too often my laziness or fatigue has destroyed my attempts at creation of art or music, and I really hope this isn't the case here.

Poker is actually my biggest distraction in my quest to write something (well, work is too lol), so I'm going to reduce my poker play for a while I think. I always change my mind though.

Another wasted weekend otherwise...

$109 WCOOP...$1m gtd...I bust after 6mins FML

2009-09-05T09:53:00.000-07:00

I qualified for the $1m gtd $100+9 NLHE WCOOP, I qualified using my FPPs, I entered some sat with 10 players, around 1200 FPPs to enter and top 2 got a seat. I don't really use these FPPs to buy 'cool' poker clothing or whatever, so I entered in this and qualified :) I then got visions of me taking this shit down and going out and buying a fkin house or merc or summat. This is the dream people. The dream.

This was the highest buy-in tourney I had ever entered ($55 was my previous high), and it had 13k entrants and rising with 10min levels.

Anyway, after about 8 hands I get dealt rockets in the sb. A few limpers from early position, then the c/o makes it 220~ to go, I re-raise to 570~ its folded back to the c/o who flats.

Flop comes Q-x-T, not the best flop ever, I lead out for about 800, he calls. Hmmmmm.

At this point maybe I should slow down, but whatever, I shove on the turn when a 6 or something lands, and he calls and shows TT.

FFS.

6 minutes.

I guess I overplayed my rockets, at least I only lost some FPPs...

Why do I bother?

2009-08-31T05:55:00.000-07:00

So its bank holiday weekend, and I spend about 12 hours of it playing poker.

So close, yet so far, I'm down about 18-20 buy-ins, sigh.

I was playing an $11 180manners, JJ vs 99 to make me about 6 of 13, and the flop comes XXX, then I get some fkin lag, I'm waiting, praying I don't see a 9, and then bang, turn X, river 9

FUCK

Just now, I'm 13 of 26 in a 180manner, and I raise from the c/o with k8, folded to bb who calls, flop comes 8xXx8h, I bet, villain shoves, I call, he shows QhTh. WTF

Turn Xh, river yep....Xh

FUCK YOU

I also got mightily pissed off at myself yday in the $5 rebuy on stars, I'm 200th of 380 or something, when I raise 2.5bbs with JJ, a super aggro big stack shoves. Now, if anyone else had shoved, I'd fold. But I'd seen this guy push with Ax, Kx etc, I fancied myself as a 75% chance.

Nope.

He shows rockets.

FUCK ME.

Why didn't I just fold, I fking hate when I bust with shizz pocket pairs when I don't need to. I usually play jacks as a mid pair, and this weekend in key hands they failed me.

Why do I bother. I seriously wish I could do something better with my time.

Neighbours disturbing my rituals

2009-08-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last posted, and I find that posting is easy when you are blogging regularly, but the longer you go without a post, the harder it is to motivate yourself to get something out there. So I've decided to just write something quickly, and hopefully give a proper update in the next few days.

I've been quite busy since my last post, with the main thing being having to travel to India because of work. Basically, we're outsourcing some quite complex data stuff out there, its data entry of sorts (its a touch more complex), and I went to Delhi to train some staff. I can't be bothered to describe the trip right now, but I'm planning to make a proper post on it, although the jist is that I didn't particularly enjoy my stay there, and the actual project didn't run as well as hoped.

In other news, I finally dragged my arse down to loftus road on tuesday, hadn't been there a while, and watch QPR v Accrington Stanley. I paid a tens for my ticket, so not bad, but it was quite a poor game tbh, and Stanley deserved something out of the game. I can't believe some of the officiating in the game, with the most memorable moment being the clearest penalty ever not given to Stanley...not that I was complaining ;-) We won 2-1, and when they scored in the 93rd min we gave them a standing ovation out of respect to the fans that travelled down and because they played well. I got home to see images of West Ham and Millwall fans kicking the shit out of each other outside the ground, and pretended to act surprised and appalled.

Not up to much this bank holiday, need to sort some plans out. I loaded up an $11 mtt earlier, as part of the rtr syndicate, but i busto super early when I had 22 and the flop came XcXc2c, after some 3 and 4 betting the turn came Jx, and I went in, and the villain flips JcTc, and it was gg me. I definitely could have controlled the pot better, I'm such a fish.

To make things worse, I decided to have a consolation wank following this exit, and was mid-way through bashing the bishop, when the front door bell rang. FFS. I was wearing some shorts, and my boner was pretty obvious. I looked out the window and saw it was a neighbour...I had been hoping it was just someone selling something so I could ignore them, but no, I had to answer the door. So I closed down my laptop, positioned my showpiece strategically, and thought of images of wars and stuff to lose the boner. It was at half mast when I answered the door like a scared pensioner, by opening it a half foot and sticking my head through the gap and keeping my body behind the frame. My neighbour basically wanted to ask if I could keep an eye out on his car cos he's going away for a few days...ok ok, and off he went.

Once back to the lappie I'd lost momentum and had to start again. In the background was the formula 1, and that bastard jake humphreys voice kept putting me off. Ultimately I turned the tv off, but then I could see my reflection, and that put me off even more.

So I turned it onto some shopping channel,selling kitchen utensils, and finished what I had started.

Who'd have thought a sly bash would be so fkin time consuming...

Bored...fail

2009-08-18T09:18:00.000-07:00

Hey amigos,

I respect this site, I play lots, but I think you need to respekt the portuguese pro's more. There are liek 3 portuguese pros, but 4 brazilian!!.

Cmon gaiz this is an insult!! I know that brazilians have nice looking women, but they are mainly nice tits ok face ole, us portuguese we might not have the best women, but they have HART!

I think that you need moar portuguese pro's, so that they can win moar tournaments, and make you guys moar money!

What do I need to do to represent portugal in the team pokerstars??? (PS I have all the qualities you need, respect, honor, faith and most important, confidants!!)

Thanks,

Bossanova

Hello Bossanova,

Thank you for your email.

If you are referring to representing Portugal in our World Cup of Poker,
then you can compete for a place on the Portuguese national team by playing
in one of the National Team Decider tournaments. There are two of these,
called Decider A and Decider B.

The Portuguese National Team Decider tournaments will be held as follows:

Portugal Decider A 04-Sep-09 15:00
Portugal Decider B 05-Sep-09 9:00

If you do not win Decider A, you can compete in Decider B for a second
change. However, if you have already won Decider A, you will not be allowed
to plan in Decider B.

For more information on how to qualify visit this page:

http://www.pokerstars.com/wcp/qualify/

Please do not hesitate to email me again should you have any further questions.

Regards,

Cathrine
PokerStars Support Team

Fun times at the bank...

2009-08-10T13:01:00.000-07:00

So, the football season has begun, and it's left me feeling a sort of bittersweet happiness. Obviously I love the game, and it gives me something to watch on the weekend when I have nothing to do, but it also marks the nearing of the end of summer. I'm a big FC Porto fan, and also follow QPR. Porto, because of my upbringing and it's obviously the region I come from in Portugal, and QPR because it's my local english club. In Portugal they usually play football on Saturday or Sunday nights at about 21.15, so I often end up spending my Saturday nights in the winter watch Porto away to someone like Pacos Ferreira or Naval on TV, either in some crummy Portuguese cafe in Acton or at home. If Porto play on a Friday or Saturday, then I'll most likely end up planning my night around that, it's kind of annoying sometimes tbh, as I often just want to do other things, but it's like a fixation, and I get very superstitious that if I don't watch we'll lose...

About QPR, I like them, I follow them, but it's not the same. Still, I'm hoping to catch a few matches this season, hopefully see them promoted.

I've joined the fantasy premier league set up by JR, and if any of you haven't joined, then get a move on, the code is 306681-74565.

I do love the betting at this point in the season though, I'm weighing up doing a £10 e/w accumulator for the winners of all leagues Premier league, CCC, L1 and league2. Any suggestions?

Poker: I played quite a few games this weekend, and ended up with a nice $250 profit. I played a few $11 180manners, and a $22 180 manners, I was running quite hot tbh, even striking quads for some meaningless pot. Anyway, as is my style, I bust in the mid-late stages of all but one of these tournies, with me coming 2nd in an $11 180man for about $340. I was left a bit annoyed though, because I was heads up with a clown, and still think I should have won it. As I entered the final table, I was 7th, and then I was 5th of 7, only to lose a big flip, and be down to about 4bbs and 7th of 7. After doing my best to survive with old school short stack strategy, I won a couple of flips, and was back up to about 14bbs, I then bluffed someone on the turn of a A-6-A 7 board, and was at 20bbs or so.

Ended up HU with 70k in chips vs a guy with 210k. What ensued was one of those epic heads up battles, it lasted nearly an hour, and at one point I was up at 110k, but everytime I sniffed victory I would just completely miss the board on big hands. Ultimately, the hand that unravelled me was with Ax, I raise, he calls, flop comes J-J-T, I bet, he calls, turn comes 4, I fire again, he shoves, I fold. I was down to something like 75k at this point, blinds 2/4k, a few hands later I have 78s, he raises pre, I re-raise, he calls. Flop Q-J-x, I fire out, he calls, turn Q, pot is about 60k, I shove my last 50k in, he insta-calls...gg

I think I played it ok though, can't see him calling with anything other than a Q.

Anyway, I actually think I've got the poker bug again, except I just jizzed off 6 buy-ins on I-poker just now, playing those ghey double or nothings.

FFS, I ran so bad. Everytime I had AK, someone had a PP and I wouldn't hit. Everytme I had AK, their pockets 4s would hold.

Ah well.

Finally, I had a quick meeting at the bank today, one of those ones where they keep annoying me and saying I could get a better account so I caved in. I spoke with some girl, she sat to the side of me, and she wasn't particularly attractive. Y'know the type, nice tits, ok face, ole. Anyway, she's asking me about how much money I spend on food a week, and all these other questions for which I see no relevance, when I glance down at her legs. My god, she's wearing the shortest skirt ever. I seriously got tongue tied, it's probably the first time I remember this happening so blatantly since my school days. I'm trying to answer her question about what account I'd like, whether I want to look to move any money at some point into a bond or something, and I keep stammering. I never stammer. She's not even hot, WTF is wrong with me. I began to feel like I was fckin high, some kind of euphoria, like I was on the cusp of death or an orgasm or something, and so I say something about how I don't like to put money in bonds or save too much because life is for living, and follow this by throwing her a cheeky wink, to which I am confronted by a glacial look. Not even a look of contempt or disgust, pure ice queen. So I look down at her legs, then at her nice tits, and up to her ok face, and make my excuses, say I'm happy with my account and get out of the bank quicker than masked assailant during a heist...

My hair says energy, mine says experience

2009-08-04T14:19:00.000-07:00

Alright fish,

Anyone seen this ad? Best ad ever imo.

Which is more important for the aging man, energy or experience? Y'see, I've thought long about this advert, and what they mean by energy and experience.

Now, first you've got to think of target audience. What type of man actually dyes their hair? Obviously, homosexuals are the first thing that you sexual deviants will think of, and yes!, this advert corners that. Two guys, sitting on a couch, look at the sexual tension between them. Intense. They even have a woman watching, because y'know, in my experience of homosexuals (JRs and Amatays blog's), they are usually also into voyeurism and that kind of shizz.

Secondly, this advert also targets those rich bastards like berlusconi or investment bankers that like to dye their hair to buy some young pussy.

But what is more important to these young hookers (aka northern girls), energy or experience? IMO energy is a upside, in my experience, hookers like men that have lots of energy (and low stamina). Experience is also good, hookers hate when they have to go through the rules "no touching my pussy or breasts" etc., they like an experienced man who knows the rules. Money first, you've got 12 minutes.

I can see why this product is out there. Those grey 40-somethings must get fed up of considerate fish like me offering my seat on the tube to save their crippled backs, whilst those fish with the dyed hair must get so much pussy (the adverts say so) that they have no energy left for their other pursuits in life. This product basically allows these fish to get the right mix, and seeing as I spied a couple of greys in my barnet last week, I rest easy knowing this is out there.

In other news, I am slowly losing the will to live. I haven't slept properly in about 6 weeks, always something to wake me up in the middle of the night, something seeps into my thoughts and I awake in terror. Most of the time its work related stress, which makes me realise I need to change job. But oh wait, there aren't any. I'm actually considering trying to move into low-level farming, I already know some farmers in Portugal...but I'm not sure if I'm just going through a mid-20's crisis...lol

Supergrass on a plane...

2009-08-01T02:53:00.000-07:00

I returned last night from my 10 day sojourn in northern portugal, and like a revolutionary returning from exile I return full of ideas, theories, questions and duty free cigarettes.

On my return flight I was sat one row behind the boys from Supergrass, they were returning from a festival they headlined. I first spotted them as I was sedating myself pre-flight in the airport bar, when I spied in the corner of my eye someone wearing sunglasses, a hat and ghey indie clothing. As I was about to brand him a fish, or whatever unwitty remark came to mind (being away tames my english vocab), I then noticed he was that famous guy wot from that band that woz big in the 90s.

I then recalled how Mourinho got his break. Y'see, I once read a story about how Mourinho was at an airport when the late Bobby Robson was at Sporting, and Robson needed a translator, Mour got talking to him and landed the job! Of course, Mour had some experience in coaching etc., and this story is apparently not entirely true, but anyway, its been my dream of leaving the rat race behind by randomly getting a great job offer at an airport. Isn't this also how kate moss was discovered, when returning from holiday?

If only I wasn't so hungover that I could barely keep my eyes open. Not even hair of the dog saved me, urgh, there went my big chance. I could have somehow let them know I was part of the british blog scene, the most happening literary scene in the world, and they could use some of my blog material for musical and lyrical ideas etc.

Another time.

Anyway, if anyone cares: They weren't very rock n roll, I think the drummer even said to the others "don't eat the plane food, its bad for you". Also, when some girl started crying on the plane, they actually did their best to cheer her up, which was nice. etc. yawn.

I ended up getting home at 7pm, then got a call for a home poker game, I was round like a shot, £20 buy-in cash game, left with £50 and pretty smashed. It's always depressing to return from holiday, so that was a decent homecoming.

As I was abroad, I once again noticed how many cousins get married in these rural areas (I've seen it in a few countries), and how its all the norm. I got thinking, how desperate would I have to be to get with a cousin. TBH I have a couple of hot cousins, and I never see them because they live in Portugal, so they aren't like sisters to me in a social sense, and I think "whoever gets to tap that is a lucky bastard", I might even sometimes lick my lips at the thought, the image might even crop into my head for a split second during a cheeky wank before I reprimand myself and say a few rosarys to repent... but to actually bang them...I think I'd get sick half-way through. But how do I know unless I try?

See you in 10 days

2009-07-21T06:43:00.000-07:00

Got a flight to catch real soon, so gonna make this quick. I had a good weekend, ended up going to some ghey bar called The Light on shoreditch high street, then ended up going the wrong way towards the tube station, and so missed my last train. I was with a work colleague, so just went for another drink, back to hers and stayed up drinking absinthe and chatting with her boyfriend (yeah, I wish it was a would-be style story, sorry, she has a boyfriend I'm good friends with too lol)

Ended up catching the first train back at 5am, it always amazes me how packed this train at 5.10am always is. I couldn't be bothered sleeping round their flat y'see, I always feel like a rump after a few drinks, and I imagine they do too, so I left them to it and I went home to watch some yazum.

Saturday I played a few MTTs, some on ipoker and some on full tilt, I ended up coming 20th out of 1800 players or so in some $5 freezeout on ipoker, cashing $60, so wasn't too bad. I don't really like the structures on ipoker or ftp, seems that I'm always short stacked at under 12 bbs, as the blinds rise every 10 mins. I know they have more levels than stars, but I feel like I have more room to play on stars and just prefer their 180man sngs etc.

Anyway, I was pretty much down to 6bbs from 70 people left in the tourney until I bust, I just doubled up here and there and yet remained short, so 20th wasn't too bad I guess.

Then I played some cash 0.1/0.2 on ipoker, and then some heads up cash, and made a tiny loss on both. I am not really optimised for cash games imo, I always play them like I'm sat in an MTT, which I should probably tweak a bit.

Sunday I went to wembley market, bought some fake t-shirts, 3 for a tenner, its been a while since I've done such a thing, but I thought i'd test the waters, because their fake trainers are good quality these days (my mate swears by em)...anyway avoid the t-shirts, they're not good quality lol

And now I'm off to Portugal to see family, I'll be back end of next week. It'll mainly be a chilled out holiday tbh, I don't even have internet there and never bother to go to a cafe. I'll try and plan a mental one for september, but for the next 10 days I'm gonna chill, enjoy the sun, and have a few brewskis. I definitely need to recharge my batteries.

Take care fish, see you in a couple weeks.

Getting crushed online...at pro evo

2009-07-14T15:11:00.001-07:00

Haven't managed to hit the tables since Sunday, which is pretty much what happens every week. I put in some hours over the weekend, then am too lazy/tired/distracted to put in any hours during the week. Yesterday I worked late, so didn't play, and today I ended up buying a wireless adapter for my recently acquired xbox, bad move. This culminated in me getting crushed online at pro evo by what I can only assume were 5 year olds (I was on easy mode). I sometimes wonder why I spend(/waste) so much of my free time. Instead of doing something productive, I ended up getting crushed at pro evo online. lol at least it didn't really annoy me, I was quite amused tbh.

On a completely separate note, has anyone noticed that all porn sites are using the same streaming software now? Some crap called JW Player or something. It's kinda annoying, because I'll find what looks like a superb video, and start streaming it. It's 12 minutes long for example, and starts slowly. Okay, no probs I'll just skip the vid forwards to the filthycore bits. But no, this piece of shit streaming software only lets you fast forward as far as it has downloaded. By the time the video reaches its climax, I'm so fucking pissed off that I'm somehow having an angry wank (its like having angry sex, but the masturbation form). Following climax, I feel like putting a foot through the laptop.

On the subject of sex, I've been speaking to that ginger bird, and the idea still doesn't really appeal to me. She also seems to have gone off the idea too, probably because she is no longer in the vulnerable mood I exploited beforehand. This whole situation reminds me too much of a previous experience. Maybe I've told this story before, maybe not. It was the same thing, a not-very-attractive girl agrees to go for a drink with me, after previously saying no a couple of times. I know she's not going to be easy, because she's a type 1 not-very-attractive girl (type 2 is a slag) (remember the rules). I take her out, things are going well, she's laughing at all my jokes, getting closer, we've had a few, I order some more drinks, she puts her hand right next to mine, and I casually move my hand on top of hers affectionately. I see you guys nodding in agreement here, 'ah that old chestnut'. Yep, that old move exactly. As I look into her eyes, expecting to see her edge closer to me for that kiss, I see something entirely different. She's not looking at me with those hazy horny eyes, no. She's looking at me as if I'm a rapist. Some kind of sexual deviant. Someone that needs to be castrated instantly. The look of disgust in her eyes left me mortified, I didn't know what to do, I just froze. With my hand still on top of hers. She then asks (with her voice trembling), "What are you doing?", "Erm...I thought you liked me, and...", "What are you doing?" she repeats, this time sternly. My semi hard on which had crept up in the previous minutes, had now retreated back as far into its cave as possible, and I still didn't know what to do. "Sorry, I thought you wouldn't mind...", (!) "I am not that type of girl!" she replies, and that was that. She got up, right as some more drinks were carried to our table. The waitress even asked "Do you still want these?", and looked at me with a kind of pity. "Yeah, I could do with them", I replied.

I really think this could go the same way. She seems the same type, really timid...fragile...backwards...if this was a poker match, I'd shove and let the gods decide, but what is the equivalent of a shove in this situation?

Annoying sienna miller advert and a poker update

2009-07-12T15:22:00.000-07:00

As expected, my semi-retirement from poker didn't quite go to plan, as I have actually played more poker in the past 36 hours, than at any other point in the last 3 months. I registered for the $80k guaranteed last night, in what can only be described as either a moment of lucidity, or a moment of total disregard for my bankroll. I've recently been running quite horrifically, and also playing shove/fold far too much, and after thinking about my strategy for a while during a particularly boring day at work, I decided that I could probably get a decent cash this weekend. As I began registering to my usual $4 180manners, I decided that I needed to play a tournament that would actually excite and captivate me. I looked up the $80k daily, with its $55 buy-in, worked out that it equated roughly £33, and so decided to 'treat' myself by placing 10% of my br on registering for it. I played well, and my strategy involved targeting weak players (there were plenty), and trying to get paid by them. The biggest risk I took was when I was 1000 of 1,500, was bb with KJ, and the button (a complete fish), raised me 3 bbs, I then shoved, he insta-calls with K8, and my KJ holds. In the end I bust 124th, in a hand that I still wonder if I player correctly. I was about 60th of 125, with 50k in chips (I had been as high as 80k chips), I'm on the button with AKs, its folded to me, q500/3k, I raise to 7750, when the bb raises to 16k~, the bb is a complete fish who just won a massive pot with rockets, and had 100k in chips. I've been raising a lot of pots lately, including raising off the button on his bb, and so I decide he is just trying to re-steal, so I shove, and he calls with KK. I bust etc., but I'm still convinced that shoving was ok, as the bb was raising and re-raising with junk previously, and I reckon he would only have called with JJ+, whilst he could easily have outmuscled me on the flop if I called. In the end, a K hit on the flop, so I would have been in trouble anyway. Oh well. So I finished 124th of 2,500 or so players, bringing me a $120 profit or so, which is one of the annoying things about these MTTs, so close, yet so far in terms of cash, as you really need to final table to make real money :). Still, it lets us dream of winning a major prize one day.

Then I played some cash today, some 0.10/0.25 and made a $20 profit or so. I bought in with $25 and felt in complete control the whole time, getting up to $60, before losing a big all-in pre with AA vs 78os (I know, wtf?), and then finishing up the day on $45.

Ok, enough boring posts. You guys seen the new Hugo Boss ad with Sienna Miller? How fucking annoying is it? It's the most annoying ad I've seen in a long time. a) It had 'Ride my Car' as the music, the most annoying beatles song. b) It has Sienna Miller, the most annoying actress. c) She is trying to be carefree and fun in the advert, and it just annoys me.

Here, check it out

Who the hell thinks that this would tempt me into buying this perfume? I guess its not really aimed at my demographic. I wonder what demographic it is aimed at...probably the kind of person that thinks that Stella McCartney is a bona fide designer and that Jude Law is a true thespian.

Finally, whilst watching yet another decidedly average F1 race today, I looked up some old Aryton Senna footage on youtube and relived what was a fantastic era for motor racing. I'm not sure how much of it is nostalgia, but I look back at the 80's and early 90's, and am in awe at the sporting greats of those times. Sports like Formula 1, Tennis, Football and Cricket had proper personalities, that were not only fine sportsmen, but entertainers. Nowadays it seems that sportsmen have forgotten that their main purpose should be to entertain whilst attempting to win, with the full emphasis placed on gaining victory. Anyway, I've watched this short Senna vid multiple times this weekend, it leaves me speachless tbh, and his words at the end gave me a bit of inspiration this weekend. Yes, with willpower and determination we can fly very high my friends...

The ginger one

2009-07-10T07:29:00.000-07:00

Hello dear ones, I’m sure you’ve been itching to hear an update on the saga with the ginger girl, so here we go. In my last post I mentioned that she had blocked me on msn, and then I wrote a rather shocking piece (shockingly written some of you might say) on why ugly girls are harder to ‘conquest’. To my surprise, I logged onto msn that same night to see that the ginger one was online too. Her msn ‘status’ was ‘Bored of everything, need a change’. Such a status was like a mating call to me, and like a shark that sensed blood in the salty seas of love, I knew a door was opening. Okay, maybe it was only a single drop of blood in an entire ocean, but it was enough to push me towards making another stab at the prize.

So, I opened with a typically provocative ‘hey, whats up’. She replied near instantaneously with ‘Hey mr., how u been?’ which admittedly left me slightly bemused. This was the same girl that I had struggled to extract more than two words at a time from, so I knew the door was definitely open. She then proceeded to moan at me about her life, how she wanted change, how she felt ugly on a daily basis etc. Sensing her to be either drunk, suicidal, or both, I knew this was my chance. So I paid her some compliments, told her that I could take her out and make her feel better, and she agreed to go out with me. I duly logged off, felt pleased with my accomplishment, and had a sly wank to celebrate.

As I sat there with my trousers round my ankles, it hit me. A wave of guilt, and even depression. I had just cracked one off to mental images of this ginger girl. And it repulsed me. I couldn’t sleep, I felt completely devalued, and it scared me. If I feel this bad after a quick tug, how would I feel after commiting the actual deed with her? In addition, I just know she’ll be one of those obsessive ones that are harder to shake off than a bmw tailing you on the M4. So, I began concocting cover stories to get out of it. I’ve come up with a couple of believable ones, “I’ve been relocated to Libya because of work”, and “Jesus came to me last night and showed me the wrongs of my ways”, but I’m still undecided as to what to do. The initial post ejaculation repulsion has subsided, and I’m pretty hungry right now. It’s been a while since I’ve had a conquest, but am I hungry enough to eat rancid meat? Because that’s how hungry I think I’d have to be to go through with. At least it would provide me with excellent blog material, that’s true, but maybe I’m just not cut out for this world of gonzo journalism.

In other news, I see JR interviewed would-be, it’s a great read, go there. It seems that JR was less than impressed with my recent post regarding new shoes. What can I say, they were good shoes. In fact, I think I get more aroused thinking of those shoes than the ginger one. And in all honesty, I think you would too.

I hate poker. Fugly girls hate me.

2009-07-05T11:50:00.000-07:00

So I think its time to semi-retire from poker. I just can't be bothered anymore. Last night I had nothing better to do, so heated up about 6 or 7 MTTs, and once again I was pretty bored playing them. I did ok in a couple, lost some key coin-flips that would have given me a decent cash, but that's not what bothered me. What bothered me was how completely uninterested I was.

A few months ago, all I could think of was poker. It's actually quite scary to think back, but when I begna playing online poker frequently (maybe 18 months ago), I just couldn't stop thinking about it. I'd go to work, and read a poker book on the train. I'd get to work, and think about playing poker all day long, how I'd 3-bet someone on a flop of 6-6-A, no matter what I held. How I'd raise early position with junk, steal the blinds, fold to rocks, and try and get paid by fish. I'd get home, and play 5 hours of poker, have a shower, shave, sleep 6 hours and back to work. And the results encouraged me, with me winning a $5 300man MTT only weeks into the experience. I'd play 0.5/1 cash, and spin up a hundred or two, then lose it, but hey man, that's the game etc.

I fucking loved it. Then I started thinking that maybe if I studied the game, put the hours in, and committed to it, maybe, just maybe I could one day get a big win and even turn pro! So I did this, and a few weeks later I final tabled a $5 MTT with 3,700 entrants, busting in 6th with KK v AA. Ah, ul, but still gg, I could really be going somewhere with this.

But where did this obsession end? Was it with the destruction of my bankroll? The fact that I never got near such an achievement again? I've won plenty of smaller MTTs since, but this had thousands, THOUSANDS of people, and I was better than all but 5 of them.

Well, see thats the problem I think. The luck aspect. When I play, I get beat by donks, fish, tards and bots all the time I reckon. They aren't better than me, but that's poker. In addition, I've given players much better than me some serious beats before, again, it's poker. The true test of whether you are any good is over an extended period, thousands of hands, hundreds of tournaments. And I just can't be bothered anymore.

So as I bust from my final MTT on a cold deck, with my straight getting beaten by a better one on a patchy board, I decided that I'm only going to play poker now with mates, or at a live tournament, and no longer so frequently online. Maybe my opinion will change, and I'm sure it will, but right now I can't be bothered committing large amounts of my time to something that I no longer enjoy, care about, or am very good at. It's not like I'm winning hundreds a month, so why am I even bothering.

In other news...went to sandown racecourse friday, day out with work, and it was nice. The sun was out, the beer was flowing, the racing was average etc. I only bet on 3 of the 6 races, and won the first one. Never really liked flat racing that much, so didn't really get into it.

Ginger girl has blocked me on msn I think, I think because of some comment I made about michael jackson. She 'loves him', as does everyone since he died, and I basically told her that I enjoy his music, but at the end of the day if he wasn't famous, nobody would ever make excuses as to why he loved to sleep with children (allegedly), he'd be called a paedo and locked up straight away. Anyway, that was it, she logged off and bye bye. She'd already told me that she didn't see me 'as a potential boyfriend' anyway. Jesus, boyfriend...all I wanted was a quick one tbh, she seemed a bit lonely so I was hoping to pounce. I really got to up my standards though, I think I've been going for girls that are too ugly lately. I honestly think that they can be harder to pull. Check this:

a) They always want a boyfriend. Never a quick fling, or lets see how things go. No, it has to be some steady long term bullshit that is one step short of a contractual agreement.

b) They always seem to have some romanticised idea of their ideal man. 'I'm not going to waste time with someone I don't think is the one'. Ok. Enjoy your copy of 4 weddings and a funeral, and your ensuring alone time with your finger.

c) They always like shit music. Hey, I don't make the rules ok, this is how it is. Find me an ugly girl that doesn't like Take That and listen religiously to capital fm or heart, and I'll find you a middle class woman that hates tennis

d) However slow you go, its not slow enough. A touch of the hand on first date? You'll get looked at like you're a rapist.

e) If you do get with them, they often get paranoid or obsessed on a scale you could never have imagined beforehand. 'Where were you saturday night? I called you three times and no answer?'. 'You took 20 mins to reply to my text, what are you doing?' 'What would you call our first kid?'

FUCK.

Don't get confused between ugly timid girls, and ugly slappers, two completely different breeds. I may one day speak of ugly slappers, but today I was referring to the timid ones.

Maybe its me. Maybe I'm an ugly bastard with a shit personality, and few redeemable features?

Ahaha, got you. Who said I didn't have a GSOH eh? ;-)

Until next time, take care xox

Last night I didn't get into a pub...

2009-06-27T15:11:00.001-07:00

...because my friend was wearing a shirt and shoes.

Yep, that's right. Not allowed in because he WAS wearing shirt and shoes

lol, fcking hoxton art clubs trying to be trendy

worst thing was, it was some fcking grunge shirt, not even a city boy style thing, and he had jeans and some shoes on. "we are trying to keep city boys out". So it was 3 of us, me wearing a hoodie/jeans/battered trainers, my bro who is unemployed wearing similar, and my mate in the grunge shirt and shoes. Fcking pricks. ive heard about them doing that before, but never believed

Usually I'd get angry at such elitist faggotry in the city, but I decided I couldn't be bothered cos I needed a slash, so I said "Do I look like a fucking cityboy you dumb bastard? I'm about as far from a cityboy as you can get", and went a few doors down to this ridiculously soulless wine bar.

Cracking toilets though, better than the Hilton. No wonder the pub is losing out to the winebar, toilets like these are a masterpiece.

Ugly biatches

2009-06-25T05:21:00.001-07:00

Why they so choosy these days?

Now, I'm an average guy, GSOH, liberal thinker, great ass.

A catch, by anybody's standards.

So I meet this girl the other day through a friend. She's strawberry blonde (yeah, pushing ginger), cracking tits though, and a bit boring. Shes moaning to me about her life, how all her friends are busy and don't go out much, she gets bored etc., the usual moaning bitch.

So, we swap numbers, and we get conversing via teh mobile phone, mainly over text messages. I feel sorry for her, think of her cracking tits, and say to myself: "yeah, I wouldn't mind a rump with her I guess".

So, I basically text her and ask her what shes up to on weekend, "oh nothing at all", then I throw out a little suggestion of me taking her out for dinner maybe, I know this great italian restaurant, very good food, quite cheap (I omit this detail).

And then nothing. No reply. WTF man. i prefer girls to say no, not just blank me. Anyway, I'm not bothered, I've got another ugly biatch lined up.

But this is at least the 3rd ugly girl to have rejected me in the past year. Now, am I getting uglier? or are ugly girls getting all fking picky and shit?

GTFO bitch, you ain't never getting a prince charming, no matter what it said in just 17 when u were growing up.

Wimbledon and the orgasmic screams

2009-06-22T12:32:00.000-07:00

Yes it's wimbledon. We know what that means; supermarkets stock up on strawberries, the weather becomes turbulent, and I get some wanking material. More is less or whatever, and watching these Eastern Europeans run around grunting, sweating and groaning, does more for me than any kind of shizz you find on yazum these days.

So we have Maria Sharapova, Ivanovic (yum), Hantuchova (she'd still get it), etc.

And so as I'm ogling at Hantuchova today, I take a look at her opponent. Cute face, decent derriere, potential.

Fuck.

It's Laura Robson.

She's 15.

motherfuckers.

Only in tennis could they allow such jailbait to cloud my fucking innocence. I called my psychologist, and he quickly eased my fears:

"Bossa, did you get an erection?"

"No"

"Did you fantasise about fucking her?"

"No"

"So you simply admired?"

"Pretty much"

"Then this is much worse than I thought. You are suppressing your natural desires."

"What?"

"What you should have done was simply taken a look, fantasised and then forgotten, that is natural"

"But she's fucking 15"

"Yes, but to repress such desires will cause you them to get pent up, and manifest themselves later. My job is difficult you know. I get sexual deviants, incestuous prowlers, rapists and sex addicts talking about their problems with me constantly. They talk of their actions and desires in the most minute, painstaking detail. They leave nothing untold. Do you know how difficult it is for me to listen to this? To listen to this and not get aroused?"

"What?"

"So I let myself get aroused, because that is nature, and this is the reason why such sexual deviants end up in jail, and I'm sat here lecturing you and getting paid"

What a fucked up guy.

Loving the grunts from Sharapova though. Bet if you banged her you wouldn't know if she was faking it or not. Hey, even I've faked it before. Lets set the scene: weed smoking, drinking and no sleep in dam. I stumble into a hookers den, loosest pussy in the west, I ram away, get tired, don't wana hurt her feelings, so fake it.

Yep, faked it with a hooker. That's what a sensitive guy I am.

Barcelona

2009-06-20T15:59:00.000-07:00

Got back from Barcelona last night, went there on business, had to attend some ghey 2-day conference, so spent a couple of nights in the city.

I absolutely fell in love with the city, the only downside was that I went on my own, and so felt pretty lonely the whole time and had nobody to share the experience with. The story of my life in recent years I guess. I think this is a reason why I no longer even dream about becoming a pro poker player like most people, I just couldn't sit at home alone grinding, I'd become a recluse IMO. I hate not having anybody to talk to.

I got to do some sightseeing, as I arrived on Weds night and then spent Thursday (9-6pm), and Friday (9-1pm) in a conference, before flying back at 10pm Friday, so I had Thursday evening and Friday to check our Barcelona.

Went to see La Sagrada Familia, and was left speechless. To see about 8 coach loads of American and German tourists simultaneously snapping photos was jaw dropping indeed.

In all seriousness, it looked lovely, but I didn't enter. It was 11 euros to go in, and there was a queue of about 30 tourists, so I couldn't be bothered. Anyway, I much preferred Parc Montjuic, which includes The Palau Nacional (which is used as a museum for catalan art), The Estadi Lluis Companys (used by Espanyol the past few seasons), and other touristy spots. It all culminated in what seemed like 6 or 700 people surrounding the Font Magica (magic fountain) whilst it put on a pretty cool display, with music and the fountain bursting 20 feet into the air etc.

In addition, the metro system was great (regular and air conditioned), the food and drink was amazing, and the people very welcoming.

Now, the important thing: the girls. My god. I am not kidding when I say that I'd bang 8 out 10 girls within my target age range (18-40 lol). All of them tanned beauties, wearing tiny shorts and exuding elegance and class. I've never been left so completely bedazzled by the talent on display, seriously. Definitely have to go back with some mates, and enjoy the city properly ;-)

Lately I've been feeling quite detached from things, and a bit lost. And to be honest this trip amplified it. The whole city reminds you constantly of the battle the Catalans had under Franco, and leaves you feeling that you have to find it within yourself to fight against anything that oppresses you. When watching the font magica display, I actually almost became tearful (tough to admit lol), it really made me feel worthless. It was a display of bravado from the city, with the catalan music, the setting, and stuff. And here I am, not knowing what to do with my life, working for the capitalist machine that has replaced the imperialists, when all I care about is the arts and football. I think I've decided that I want to become a freelance journalist or something, maybe in my free time (I've done it before, and it gets tiresome, but I want to try again), and start to make some decisions about what to do.

I also realised that if I ever get the chance, I have to move to a city like Barcelona or somewhere in the Iberian Peninsula (where I speak the languages), or failing that, try to live in France or Italy etc. The culture and climate is a million miles away from London. Just the weather and sea breeze leave you feeling much happier.

Of course these cities have their problems, and with the recession it isn't likely to be able to find work anywhere these days. But, it's worth dreaming. That's the worst thing about a recession for me, the feeling I'm trapped. I get very claustrophobic, and in a normal market I can tell myself I have the option of changing career or setting etc., but in a recession I know its not possible, and amplifies the defeatist and downbeat feelings I often get.

The thing that really worries me though, is that I know deep down if I ever did change city, even if I got rich, or famous, I know that I'd still feel the same. I'd still lack a sense of purpose, and just feel generally unhappy. I think it's something with the way I was brought up. That's what any psychologist would get me thinking, but I also hate the people who blame their parents for everything.

Anyway, I don't even know what my point is. There is none. Barcelona is lovely, if you can, then visit, you won't regret.

New shoes...nice.

2009-06-16T06:24:00.000-07:00

So, as the title suggests, I am wearing new shoes. Now, I hate buying new shoes. Firstly, I typically go shopping on the weekend (as I work the rat race Mon-Fri shifts), and so the shops are heaving.

Secondly, I always find that shoes just feel differently when you wear them after you buy them. I can't explain, but sometimes a shoe will feel good in the shop, then pinch when you get home.

Lastly, they generally wreck my feet for a few days. Or they feel to heavy. etc.

A few times I have actually just stopped wearing a good pair of shoes because I've made the wrong purchase, and they simply hurt too much to wear.

But these shoes. Beautiful. I've even attached a photo of what I think are the shoes I'm wearing. Just looking at the picture makes me want to take them off, shove them in some girls face and say "take a deep whiff, and exhale slowly babe".

As I was in the shoe shop, I asked the assistant if she could get me a Size 9. In the old days, this meant that she would have had to go to the back, but not in this technology embracing world we live in. As I ask her for size 9, she barks down her headset to some poor bloke in the warehouse "Darren, get me a Dino Boss XL95 (or something) size 9. NINE I SAID, and HURRY, its BUSY out here. CHOP CHOP".

A few minutes later a teenager comes out with my shoes (Darren I assume), and he looks terrified. As he hands me the shoes, I look deep into his eyes, and I can sense him silently begging me for an embrace. Sorry old boy, I don't mind to sniff the odd shoe, but that's as far as I'll go with you today, bad back y'see.

The fact that this assistant barked at him, just got me thinking. No matter where I work, I'll always have some twat barking at me. I've done the tescos, the call centres, the university jobs, restaurants, and now financial services, and still I can't find a nanosecond of peace in the workplace.

So next time I buy some shoes, and some assistant barks at the warehouse guys, I'll look back into the guys eyes and tell him silently "kill yourself now, it won't get any better in life".

Drinking...son cosas de la vida

2009-06-13T11:52:00.000-07:00

Went out to The Fox last night in the Shoreditch/Old Street area, and basically had a few jars whilst enjoying the mild london night. Despite the awful review in the link I posted, it's a nice pub, kind of scummy, but that's east london for you.

Beforehand whilst I was searching for a cash machine in nearby streets, and then coming to the conclusion that it'd be easier to score coke than draw some cash in east london, I spied T4's very own Miquita Oliver walking down Great Eastern/Old Street area.

She was walking alone, I was with a friend, and as I spied her from close range, licked my lips, and tried to make eye contact. She walked right past. She must have had the sun in her eyes or been distracted, or something. Next time babe, or just email me.

Found a cashie eventually, and strolled to the pub. Drank some Addlestones cider and was delighted to see a couple of guys busking nearby. They were dressed like barbershop quartet singers or something, and played the rolling stones paint it black, some beatles song, and I also think that song from the felix advert. They were duly applauded and paid some change from the crowd.

Later in the night, a homeless guy comes up to me and my group of friends, and asks for some change. I sometimes throw some their way, but usually don't. Plainly because in central london, I get asked about 10 times a day etc. So he asks "sorry mate" I glumly reply, and my friend says (without malice or arrogance) "Sorry, I only have a card today".

Now, this guy seriously didn't mean it in a cocky way. He just literally meant he had no change. But what an awful excuse to give the poor homeless guy. He probably went away wanting to gouge out our eyes. Seeing as pretty much everywhere takes chip n pin, how long until big issue sellers and homeless accept it? Not long imo.

On the way home I stopped by a nearby burger king, to witness a man on the floor with a few people around him, 10 police officers surrounding them, a guy in cuffs, and a small pool of blood near his nose. He didn't look too hurt tbh, just like he was punched and also quite drunk. I was told by a nearby drunk that he had touched some girl and got punched. I nodded at the drunk, and decided to ignore his comment completely and decipher my own theories of what happened.

As I was devising my first theory (that he was a retired human trafficker confronted by one of his original imports - i.e. a child he trafficked - and got punched), a police officer asked (politely) that I run along and go elsewhere.

Fair enough, I thought to myself, it's not nice to stand around and watch these things, but I am a bit of a voyeur.

So I step back quite a bit, behind their cordon, outside of earshot of what the people surrounding the guy are saying and out of everyones way. As I'm about to go completely), another police officer walks over and shoves me away. "This isn't tv, go away" he says.

By now, I am so far away from the incident I don't even understand the need for this kerfuffle.

"Why shove me man? I was going"

"This isn't tv, get out of here or I'll arrest you" he threatens

"Arrest me for what?" I inevitably ask

And he barrels about 10 pointless offences at me.

"You know you won't do me for that, it's a waste of both our time. I'm going anyway" I say, inevitably...

As I walk off I hear him say "If I see you here again, I'll remove you from the vicinity", whatever that means.

It got me thinking, was I right or wrong? I'm unsure. Firstly, I understand that I shouldn't be standing there and watching (although I was quite far away by now), but to see a man lying on the floor, dazed but not too hurt, is a slightly fascinating sight. I just wanted to see if he would get up, or what would happen. I do however understand that I shouldn't have been doing this.

Secondly, the first police officer was polite, and after he told me to move, I did. I moved away from the area, and behind their cordoned off area. Again, I probably should have just gone home, but it was at this point that I had begun talking to some polish guy about what happened, where I basically told him what the drunk had told me.

Then came the shoving episode, and I ask who was wrong? Me - for not moving, or him - for thinking just because he wears a uniform he can shove me away from an area that ultimately I am legally allowed to be standing in (as it was not cordoned off).

Admittedly, I have this deep seated spite towards the police, as I feel they are more often than not overly aggressive to me, and I have witnessed some of my friends join the force, and become increasingly aggressive, right wing, and dare I say it - racist. I even have a black friend who is a copper and believe racial profiling is correct etc.

So I imagine that I probably could have been more passive in the situation, and if you're reading this officer, I apologise for annoying you. However, at least I'm not like most people who'll never question the police, just because they are wearing the uniform. I don't care about the uniform, I don't like people pushing me, whether it be a police officer, a friend, a random person, or my family. That's why I got annoyed.

So I walked a while to the next burger king, and cleared my head. On the train home I was sat next to this middle aged asian guy who seemed to keep staring at me. At first I thought it was just me, but no, he really was staring at me. He was sat on the same side of the train as me, and looking at a 45 degree angle, right at me. There was nobody sat within earshot of us, so I decided to try and startle him (as he was startling me a bit). so i say to him "hey, you ok?"

"yeah, you?" he asks back

"yeah. you remind me of someone...my dad" i say

he seemed a bit shocked at the comparison "really?" he replies

"yeah, aint seen him in years, but he teach me much. he teach me how i know when girls be on their period"

he laughed, and looked a bit scared at this point, but also a bit like he wanted me. So I decided to try and startle him.

"yeah" i continued, "he say, when my willy tastes weird son, thats cos your mother be on her period"

LOL at his face

LOOOOL

"son cosas de la vida" i finish, quoting 'naked lunch', which is probably what influenced me to just try and scare a random stranger. of course he was harmless, thats why I said it, I'm a pussy really. Why I even do these things...I was drunk...

unsurprisingly he stop staring at me too

son cosas de la vida...

Ginger girl reminds me of someone....

2009-06-12T08:47:00.000-07:00

I spent 12 hours travelling to and from work during Wednesday and Thursday, which is quite scary. I would usually have spent around 4 hours travelling during this time period, which got me thinking on just how much time I spend on work. 9 hour shifts, plus 2 hours travelling a day, plus shaving, ironing shirts etc. That’s probably 12 hours a day on work related duties, and I only get paid At least I counter by only taking a dump on work time.

Last night I was on a bus to work, and a ginger (the dark ginger, not the flame style) girl was on the bus. She was young, maybe 18 or 19. She was sat opposite me, and I thought to myself “damn she reminds me of someone so much”.

It really bugged me. Who does she remind me of? As I got off the bus it hit me, she reminded me of some girl in a 3 way lesbian dvd my mate lent me a while ago. I think I watched that dvd so much it skips now. Anyway, it got me thinking. Times are bad when a random girl on the bus reminds me of such a video. Maybe it was cos the porn star was ginger, it probably just stuck with me more, than another blonde. Good thing I didn’t realise during the bus ride. Such thoughts + bus tremor = embarrassing moment.

Is internet and dvd porn turning us all into dirty perverts? Or have we always been this bad?
I’m not sure. I need a holiday, I’m losing it. Seriously.

P.S. Do you guys prefer my old blog template or this new plain one?

Almost 3 hours to get to work!!

2009-06-10T07:26:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: I know I am lucky to still have work, this post is just to vent.

Disclaimer 2: This is a boring post.

So, it seems that over half of the tube workforce went to work today, that must have been a kick in the teeth to bob crow. Some lines were running ok (Northern and Jubilee), but the rest of the lines were shut down in central london due to lack of staff.

Unfortunately, I cannot use either of these lines to get into central, so had to find alternatives. This is my typical voyage to work: Leave house at 8am, walk 15mins to tube, 35mins on tube, 5min walk to work, at work around 9.

Today:

Left at 6.50am (!), got to wembley central, platform 2 (the one which has overground trains to Euston/Central London) was closed for overcrowding (at 7am already overcrowded!), so had to catch the number 18 bus from wembley, through such lovely areas as Harlesden and Harrow Road, to Euston. 2 hours that took.

Then I waited a bit for the 205 bus, couldn't get on, and was kindly told that I could catch the Northern Line to my destination (I hadn't realised it was running). The Northern Line was crammed, I caught the second train luckily, and then got to work at 9.30am. It would have been a LOT worse if the northern wasn't running.

Anyway, my voyage was littered with few highlights.

a) There are a lot of Brazilian cake shops in Harlesden, I must pass again one day, I don't usually frequent the region.

b) I saw the most beautiful blonde woman on the bus, she re-kindled my love of blondes.

c) I caught myself casually checking out a girls face on the bus, before realising she was around 15 or 16, before promptly looking away. I admit, I looked back again. But then stopped again. Damn fcking school girls, are they 15 or 25, you can barely tell, I swear m'lord!

I shalt be going back home via the same route, which seeing as England are playing at Wembley = chaos for me. Nice.

If you see me (don't) say hello

2009-06-09T13:51:00.000-07:00

So, the dreaded 48 hour tube strike began tonight. I'm sure this doesn't interest anybody outside of London, oh well.

Let me paint a picture. We're in a recession. A bad one. The worst in 70 years in fact. Everyday I open the paper I see "XXXXX will cut XXX jobs", "XXXXX goes into administration" etc. I look around and I notice there are less people travelling to work. I see my neighbours and friends being laid off.

Then I hear about a proposed tube strike. Hmm. Why? They want a 5% payrise, and no compulsory job cuts. Are they fcking serious?

These guys earn between £35k and £45k, in a job that anybody could do with a small amount of training, and are asking for these terms? gtfo.

I can usually understand when they take industrial action, however, this is not justified. Many people are fearing for their jobs, many firms are heamorraghing money, and yet they want to cost us another £100m cos they want to line their fcking pockets?

The guardian actually posted an article written by the RMT Union leader, Bob Crow, here.

Here are some wonderful snippets:

"Our position is clear, tube bosses have provoked this confrontation and RMT wants the issues at the heart of the dispute to be resolved so that our members can get back to delivering a first class transport service for Londoners."

lol. First class transport service?

"Some commentators have argued that we should accept that, in a recession, our members should be grateful that they have jobs. RMT rejects that. It wasn't our members who created the downturn and we will not be bullied into accepting that they should be forced to pay for an economic crisis that was cooked up by the bankers and the politicians."

a) 99% of people in this country/world, are not responsible for the crisis, but we all have to deal with it. Go and tell what you just said here to one of the guys from the Vauxhall or LDV factories
b) Seems you didn't mind cashing in during the boom years either

"RMT has also exposed the hypocrisy of senior tube managers on pay when 123 of the top TFL bosses are paid over £100,000 plus bonuses. It is those same managers who are attacking, bullying and victimising RMT members over our campaign for job security and a living wage."

Rumour has it he's earning £70k a year himself, so go fk yourself Bob :)

The Guardian is a leftie paper, but just read the comments at the bottom. Nobody support this shit, not this time.

In addition, several papers are claiming that during emergency talks yesterday, London Underground agreed to the terms demanded, but then the RMT demanded the re-instatement of 2 drivers that were sacked (one opened the doors on the wrong side of the train, and then covered up his mistake and was sacked for lying, and the other is awaiting trial for theft). Nice one bob.

On the way home tonight, services were already reduced, and people were crushing each other to get on one of the few trains. Almost seen a couple of fights kick off too etc.

So this is what awaits me tomorrow. Going to have to get up at 6.30am, leave at 7am, 2 hour minimum journey to work, and then the same on the way home.

So if you see me, don't say hello, I'll just tell you 'fuck off, not today'

Good music for crushing fish to

2009-06-06T14:09:00.000-07:00

Currently listening to Lou Reed's Transformer, I feel pretty fcking chilled.

Like I'm the iceman or something. Beware fish, I'm playing my A-game tonight, maybe even get jacked up on stella, jack daniels and chocolate hob nobs, and might even have to multi-tarb a few sngs and a couple of porn tabs in firefox, just to keep me focused. It's not possible to tilt whilst watching amateur cumshot vids, seriously, try it next time you feel the onset of tilt.

Speeddumping

2009-06-05T08:18:00.000-07:00

No, not another speed date post of mine, sorry. Today I speak of speeddumping. And not dumping of the 'oh my boyfriend dumped me boo hoo' type dump. Nah, this is a real mans blog, I'm talking about taking a fast shit. Is this a new sport or something? Twice in the past fortnight, that's right, twice, I have been taking a dump at work, and nearing the latter stages of my pursuit, when in comes somebody, basically undoes the belt, down goes the trousers, sits down, squeezes it out, grabs some papers, wipe, more paper, wipe, flush, wash hands, gone.

And I'm still sat there nearing the conclusion of my pursuit.

Now, you may be thinking 'I bet this Bossa guy is the type to sit there with the paper or an Argos catalogue, and concentrate more on his reading than his pursuit for the elixir that is anal release for a turd'. Hold back there, you're getting too into it. Don't start talking about anal release and elixir here, this is a family blog, I don't care if you thought it to yourself and didn't mean for me to hear. Sounds like you have some kind of fixation with the anus. Really, go get yourself checked out, you filthy dog.

Anyway, back to the original point, I do not particularly consider myself a slow dumper. I average different times depending on my cuisine the night before, but I typically average the 3-6minute range. That is the whole process. From squat to wipe to wash hands.

And the worst thing is, I believe that the culprit of speeddumping in the cubicle next to me was not the same culprit as last week. Each had a distinct mannerism in relation to their speeddumping. The original culprit had an air of grace about themselves, almost ghosting in, were it not for the squeaky lock on the cubicle door I would not have even noted their presence. Then the next thing I heard was a subtle plop, the smooth unravelling of toilet paper, and the graceful exit to the basins. However, this second culprit was brutish, pure animal, rushed in, brushed off everything in his way from the sounds of it, and I imagine if I inspected the cubicle post-incident it would have resembled post-Katrina New Orleans.

However, I am not enough a voyeur, or shall I say connoisseur, of the art of toilet mannerisms to have the desire to inspect a cubicle post event.

So I call out, is there anyone up to the job to inspect this phenomenon, this travesty of speeddumping? Please come forward, please study this, please find me answers.

I felt inferior to these mammoths. I really did. I will not be allowed to be made to feel inferior by these animals.

A vote for me is a vote for hypocrisy

2009-06-04T12:48:00.000-07:00

Just got back from voting in the European elections. Well an hour ago. Firstly, all I had to do was get there and give my card, don't they usually ask for your DOB and door number or something?

I could have just sold my card to a political fanatic; maybe a right wing BNP voter desperate for an extra vote, a green party hippie craving for dope, a labour voter saving Gordon from the rope, a liberal democrat with false hope, or someone voting for an independant as a joke...damn, I suck at this whole rhyming shizz. Whatever, I gave it a shot.

Secondly, it was the first time in my illustrious voting 'career' that I stood there completely bemused at who to vote for, or whether I should just muck my (voting) cards.

Let me paint a picture. Got home from work quite late, around 7.30pm or so, and then rustled up an omelette. A decision of the importance that was today should never be made on an empty stomach. I even gave my omelette a generous extra helping of cheese.

It was some dutch cheese. Beautiful cheese. Soft. Not too mature. A nice subtle aftertaste. Perfect cheese. Yet it is not a carbon neutral cheese. I wonder how it arrived. Most probably via a lorry. Less probably by another mode of transportation, maybe ferry or plane. Either way, I decided not to vote for the Green Party because they are a threat to my love of cheese.

Imagine going to Tesco's cheese section and only having a selection of British cheese, some Cheddar, some Red Leicester, a bit of Devon Blue, and some Stilton. Fine cheeses, admittedly.

But wait? I want some French Gruyere today, maybe some Dutch Edam, or even the classic Swiss cheese, and you fcking hippies won't deliver because of emissions!!!

Couldn't vote for the English Democrats or BNP etc., for the same reason. British Cheese for British people. But I want Edam, it complements my omelette. The ham and eggs aren't too important, they all taste similar, it's the cheese that makes the omelette.

I decided that labour will soon have taxed me out of the Tesco Finest bracket. They're increasing tax duty on petrol by 2 pence in september, so firstly I'll have to walk to the shop. Ridiculous isn't it? Then with all their tax increases and the recession, I might have to buy some standard Edam. It's good, I admit, but the finest selection of cheese really is another world of delight.

The Lib Dems probably couldn't even organise the delivery of the cheese, seeing as it seems they couldn't organise a piss up at a brewery. Can we risk it? Can we really risk it?

The tories seem to be interested in simply looking slightly less corrupt, and more respectable than Labour, without even trying to create proper policies of their own. I imagine they'd just be happy to put an average cheese selection on display for me at tesco, with marginally better prices than Labour. But I want proper cheese, at proper prices, not this £14 a kilo bollocks for a proper piece of dairy that a turophile can appreciate.

By then the omelette had digested, I had run out of thought power, and decided to stroll to the polling station. I arrived to see a middle aged Asian man queing in his bathrobe. Is this cool, or is this revolting?

I couldn't make up my mind, and then I arrive at the beginning of the post. Just gave the card, no proof of ID or questions, just straight in, and I was pretty astounded by the size of the form. If it was any longer it would have resembled a christmas shopping list.

I stood there, and was very close to voting for the socialists. I really was. Mainly because I'm sick of the capitalists I have worked for all my life, I make them rich, yet I get treated like a fucker and paid a fraction of what I earn them.

But then I just didn't have the balls to vote for a party I had read nothing about. Blindly voting because of their name.

So I voted Lib Dems. Why? God knows. I guess their colours reminded me of a fine matured lincolnshire cheese.

However, I know that they aren't. They are just another one of those hypocritical parties, blaming others and then doing the same when in power. But then again I am a hyprocrite, I always have been, I just like to think that I am a good person who cares about others and the environment, so that I can sleep at night.

The problem is, I can't sleep at night anymore. I have had a constant headache for 3 months, and things are taking their toll. They say people are getting frustrated, desperate, angered, and will vote BNP or UKIP (ah yes, another yellow party, good thing I forgot about them), well I'm fcking all of those things, but I won't turn against the other poor bastards that share our plight, I'd rather turn on the bastards that have caused this plight. It's not the fault of any immigrant, gypsy, asylum seeker or muslim that I can't afford a house despite working non stop since 16 years of age, that I am in constant fear of losing my employment, that politicians are committing fraud and getting away with it, that I am bailing out banks and in turn bailing out bankers bonuses, that pensions are facing irreparable deficits, that the police are as useless as ever, that there is no hope.

No, no, it's not their fault. I turn to the capitalists that are laughing at us. Bastards.

One day it will end, until then, I will continue to be a hypocrite, wanting change, yet never doing anything to get it.

Heatwave

2009-06-01T12:29:00.000-07:00

I think we can officially now call this a heatwave. This was the second weekend I basked in sunshine. The sunshine of the gods. And this led me to ask the question, how the hell do the sunny states of Nevada and California attract so many poker players?

I woke up Saturday, hoping to heat up a few tarbs, and seeing as I hadn't really played in a few weeks, I was actually feeling slightly enthusiastic. So I roll out of bed, turn on the laptop, brush my teeth, take a slash, wash my face, stroll to the kitchen, pop some toast in, heat up 4 180man sngs, butter the toast, pour a glass of OJ, sit down and play.

2 minutes in, and I'm getting sweaty balls. So I decide that maybe as its 11am, its ok to open the curtains, get some sunlight into the dragons den. And then it hits me.

Its fucking gorgeous outside. The 'this happens twice a year in London' gorgeous. So I decide that I'll take the laptop outside, make full use of my wireless connection. I grab a beer, head to the garden, and sit down.

Now, I expected some glare on my screen, but I didn't expect to basically be able to see anything. Not to worry, if I get 2 inches from the screen I can still see what my hole cards are. I'll just play level 1 poker, after all, when in rome...I was playing $4 180manners.

Next hand, and the gods reward me for my bravado. That's right, most fish would be running back inside, crying that the sun was too bright. Not me, I got balls. Balls that perspire. And I look down at (well look directly at from a distance of 2 inches) pocket Aces.

Oh yeah.

Whats the action? Can't see. What position am I? Can't see. Just wait for the warning sound, and then I push in, just about managing to find the all-in button. Then I realise, it's not Aces I'm looking at, but A-3os. I'll be honest, I have no idea what the action was, because as soon as I managed to run back inside, I had busted, and had 3 other windows beeping at me. Whatever.

Anyway, I pretty much intentionally busted in the other 3 sngs, just so I could go back outside. And once outside, I had not regrets. It got me thinking, how the hell can poker be so popular in warm states, cities or countries? Crazy bastards. If I lived in California, I'd finding some kind of outdoor gambling activity, just to enjoy the sun, y'know, set up some cock fighting or something.

However, the sun isn't always this good to me. Whatever the air temperature is, add about 15 degrees and you get the tube temperature. Urgh, I hate public transport in the summer.

So as I sit on the tube, there is only one thing that saves me from jumping under the train, and that is the summer women. Wearing their skimpy little tops, and making me even fall in love with the average girls. As I sit there with my fellow co-passengers, watching a 40 year old woman get up, catching a sight of her tight buttocks, and nodding knowingly to my fellow sexual deviant co-passengers. We know what we like, and it isn't vanilla. We like variety. We like filth. We are connesseuirs of the tube pervert.

As I start to wonder if I should maybe one day say something to one of these sirens that catch my eye, I then fall into some sort of a heat coma, and wake up only once overground to the sound of my phone beeping.

Ah, text message. As I pull out my phone, I notice everyone has their blackberry or iphone out. And me, yass sir, I got a fcking message. I even seem to sense some respect from my fellow cattle class passengers, and then look down to see that Orange mobile have mailed me an advert.

FFS.

However, these people don't know that, don't ruin the illusion. And I subsequently smile, maybe even laugh, and pretend to text back.

My fellow passengers maintain their respect for me, and I even see a pregnant woman give me the sign as if it say "you so sexy, me so horny, if i werent preggers i'd do you right here, ah fk it, il do it anyway"

sorry love, banging a pregnant woman is almost like partial paedophilia in my eyes. call me in 3 months, no wait, make it 6 months, gives you time to lose that excess you carrying. wait, is she even pregnant? don't know, but gotta say, if you're a fat girl and someone offers you a seat, what do you do? say, "no im not pregnant" and die of shame, or just sit down, live the lie.

An interesting question. Let me get back to you on that one.

The walking weary

2009-05-28T13:50:00.000-07:00

It's been a week since I had the 'pleasure' of coming down with a bit of fever and a heavy cold, and missing a couple of days work. At first I was actually worried if I had swine flu (with all the emails, pamphlets and warnings given at work and sent home about being vigilante, its tough not to); after all, I do work in central london and catch the tube daily, therefore inevitably I will be exposed to any outbreak of such a virus. The worst thing is, the only thing I could think of was "ffs, if I've got the swine flu, everyone at work will blame me if they catch it". lol. I really need to stop giving a shit about stuff like that, and being more self centered.

So as I lay in bed watching the dirge that is daytime tv, I actually thought to myself "god I wish I was actually feeling well enough to go to work, this is going to get me depressed". Strange. All week I wish to be doing other things, and yet when I'm at home I wish to be at work. Daytime tv and fever can lead to such thoughts.

I haven't really recovered yet, it's one of those lingering colds. I still have a cough, a bit of a blocked nose, but the worst thing is the constant lethargy I feel. I often have phases of pure lethargy and tiredness, but this week has been exceptionally intense. Waking up is always the most difficult part of my day. In fact, say it's a Wednesday, I'll wake up and when brushing my teeth think "only 2 more times this week", even though I have 3 full days of work ahead before the weekend, all I care about is not having to wake up early lol.

I've still managed to go about my work, but I feel pretty detached at times, and I've got really dark circles around my eyes, to the point where I've been asked if I've been punched, and another time if I am on drugs (lol).

It all culminated this afternoon when I once again fell asleep on a packed tube (I managed to grab a seat), and woke up to notice I'd drooled a little on my tie. My god the embarassment. Luckily nobody noticed, but I felt as self conscious as if I had wet myself or smelt of shit or something. Anyway, after a quick wipe down, I managed to catch a few more zzz's.

That was until some 14 year olds got on and disturbed my sleep with their idiotic comments regarding football. It took me back though. How much of an idiot must I have sounded at that age. Probably not as much as I sound these days, and at least they have an excuse....

In other news, I've been listening to some grunge era bands lately, (along with listening to France Gall - see my eurovision post).

Nirvana are my favourite grunge band (and one of my fav bands ever), but lately I've also been listening to Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and Stone Temple Pilots. Soundgarden in particular are very good. I guess I'm going through some sort of a nostalgic period.

I'll leave you with some alice in chains, because it's what I'm playing as I write this.

gl peeps

Bored of the tarbs

2009-05-26T05:19:00.000-07:00

Lately I’ve felt bored of poker, and have spewed off about 30 buy-ins in the past month. This is pretty normal tbh, as I only play those 180 ghey manners or MTTs, so these kind of run are to be expected (particularly given my heater at the beginning of the year). Recently I’ve been loading up 5 or 6 tarbs, as is the norm, and then actually feeling relieved when I bust in the mid-stages of all of them. I really feel stone cold bored at the moment when I play, and end up watching tv, listening to music, reading forums and chatting on msn when playing. When I’m feeling good about poker, I might play some music and passively watch tv, but I won’t resort to reading forums and chatting to 6 people simultaneously on msn.

So I was playing 5 of those $4 180manners and had also entered in the $11 30k gtd, all on stars. I felt I was playing quite well (as I have been playing recently, despite the boredom), but then lost some flips etc and ended up busting in 4 of the 180manners and bubbling the 30k gtd. However, things were looking good in the remaining 180manner, where I was 2nd or 3rd of 16, with a 30k stack. With these 180man things, you want to hit the FT with a minimum of about 25-30k chips, which gives you room to play. So things were definitely looking good, and I was feeling confident (albeit slightly disinterested) about crushing the remaining fish. I think one of my main edges (I don’t have many) is that I know when to change gears during tourneys. For example, with about 15 or 16 left, I typically tighten up a bit and just try to steal, and won’t give much resistance to any re-raises. I’ll fold, then just re-raise the next pot lol. Anyway, my main rule is to just avoid big pots with junk hands.

So being pretty bored, I find myself arguing with some girl on msn about lady gaga or something lol. I look down at T9 os, I’m on the button, and I see one of the donks of the table has raised 3bbs. I’ve outplayed him in several pots, and I see this as easy money. I resume my msn convo until the stars warning sound arrives, and I see he’s checked it back to me, and the flop is 2-5-T rainbow. I bet 75% pot, and back to the msn convo. Again, the stars warning sound that I have 12 seconds to act. I get back to the table, and see that the donk I was owning has folded. Wait...so why haven’t the chips been shipped to me? Ah fuck, there was a 3rd player in early position involved in the hand and I hadn’t fking noticed. So he pushes in for his last 4k chips, I had the odds to call, he flips of pocket 5s for a set, and the river T just rubbed salt in the wounds.

Not the end of the world, but why was I not paying attention??? 20k stack now, I’m 7th or so of 15. Don’t panic. A few hands later, and a new guy to the table wins a big pot with AKs, and now has an 18k stack. Next hand, I get pocket 8s, early position, I raise 2.5bbs, this new guy calls from the sb. Flop: J-J-K. He fires half pot, I call. Turn X, he fires a small bet (1.5k or something, it was like 2 blinds), I re-raise him to 4k or so, he tanks...and calls. River, blank, I shove my remaining 8k thinking I probably just about have enough fold equity, he tanks, timebanks, and calls with k-2 or something.

GG me.

For the first time in ages I was genuinely seething because of poker. I’m not sure if it’s a good sign (shows I care still) or bad (obvious reasons). So I spent the rest of the weekend chilling in the sun, drinking, and doing anything except heating up any more tarbs. Maybe it’s time I consider whether I want to continue spending so much of my free time on this game. After all, I don’t care enough about the game or even want to become a pro poker player (which I imagine is most poker players dream?), and I can’t be bothered grinding a decent BR to make play the nose bleed stakes that might give me an adrenaline rush...

I guess I’ll have to reconsider things. It doesn’t help that I tried to get some writing done on Sunday, but really wasn’t able to, it just wasn’t happening for me. Urgh. Back to the drawing board.

Party Political Broadcasts

2009-05-21T13:10:00.000-07:00

So, it's that time of year again, and we are once again inundated with political parties that nobody cares about taking up 3 minutes of prime time before the news, because of some freedom of speech law or something.

In the latest post by the wonderful rosie (girlie poker) she linked up to a post by Charlie Brooker. Now I have mixed opinions on Charlie Brooker. I think his tv show is ok, but overrated. And his blog certainly isn't great. I think he tries to be a left wing Harry Hill with an agenda, and fails. Anyway, his latest post is in relation to the latest BNP party political broadcast:

lol 'Don't turn it off'. WTF. Who in their right mind would vote for a party fronted by somebody that looks like more of an inbred than any member of the royal family, and is an inferior orator than Gordon Brown. Not to add to the fact that I could film a better quality thing on my camera phone, and at least come up with some catchy slogans.

I also saw this gem the other day:

My word, I genuinely believe I could create some better graphics in Powerpoint. LOL. WTF is up with these political parties. Did they have a £50 budget on their presentations?? Couldn't they have just claimed for a 2nd cleaner on their holiday home for £30,000 like all legitimate MPs would, and made me a proper video.

Its 9.57 pm, and I have to watch this????

If I wanted to watch shoddy cameraships, fabricated storylines and a general depressing outlook, I'd watch eastenders...

Here's another beautiful piece of cinematography:

lol. Could the christian party be any lamer? They can't even afford to film this on location, and had to film the beginning of it in their living room. Forget their policies, forget the cause, just look at the fact that the two guys at the start can't even talk on cue, and you want me to vote for you?? You really have to give these guys credit. They really believe, I mean they must really believe that people will vote for them...

Finally, the largest party in my collection of fine broadcasts that I've come across, the green party:

I saw this one played the other day. Now The Green Party are seen as some kind of party for hippies and protestors, with ridiculous policies that nobody cares about and a laughable reputation.

So for their political broadcast, they use some kind of cartoons, mixed with overdubbed people talking, almost creating a vision of dementia in my mind, and then coming up with superb policies. Such as "subsidies and loans for solar heatings for your home"

Wait.

We live in the UK.

The UK.

And.

you.

want.

us.

to.

spend.

our.

money.

on.

solar.

panels.

during.

a.

recession.

in.

sunny.

old.

blighty.

Judging by these videos, maybe its best we stick with the devils we know. Suffering from some dry rot gordon? I know just the place you can claim...

Feeling ill, but that won't stop me jacking off to eurovision

2009-05-18T12:48:00.001-07:00

This weekend I had one of those 'Never again' moments. After drinking a few jars on thursday night and feeling fcked all day friday at work, then going out Friday night to some ghey karaoke bar and feeling lifeless on Saturday, I promised myself 'never again'. Turns out, it wasn't even the drink that was making me feel shit, I was just coming down with a bit of a cold. I thought something weird was up, the whole of Saturday I kept drinking glass after glass of water, and my thirst was unquenchable. Quite strange. I woke Sunday, and instantly knew I was ill. My 70-year old man cough and dry throat aside, things just smell and taste different when you have a cold.

Anyway, I still managed to heat up a few tarbs on Saturday night, and came nowhere in all of them. Meh. Didn't really feel like playing, I was feeling pretty shit, but I had promised myself I'd put in a few hours, and so struggled through and I think I more or less played my A-game, but it just wasn't to be. Looking back, I was quite encouraged that I could play what I consider my A-game whilst feeling so awful. Or maybe my A-game is just donkament stylee.

Seeing as would-be has vowed to not speak about eurovision again until next year, I thought I'd fill that void for you. This was probably the first eurovision I watched in about 5 years, and tbh I quite enjoyed it. Yeah, I know it makes me sound like a ghey fish, but whatever. This is a recession people, and how best to spend one than laughing at other countries? Staring at hot chicks? And cringing at Andrew Lloyd Webber, the ugliest man alive. Now seriously, how the fck is the guy not guy. Look at his face. And he writes musicals! WTF

Anyway, my favourite song was the armenian one, not many people agree it seems though.

I was quite happy with the amount of points the Portuguese entry got, and I thought our camp bongo player was pretty epic. I actually got talking with some guys on a forum regarding what was the best eurovision song ever, and a few songs were posted, and of what I have heard, this is my favourite:

Plus you gotta admit, the girl was pure filth.

In other news, I finally got round to reading 'To Kill a Mockingbird' by Harper Lee. I reckon most you lot probably read it at school, but not me. We read 'Of Mice and Men' instead, which is a good book too. Gotta say, Mockingbird left me reeling, a superb book. Powerful, haunting, full of humour. It is such a gently written book, but yet evokes such powerful messages.

That's enough for now, just re-loaded that france gall eurovision song, is it wrong to crack one off to a video from the 60's?......

Why are pubs so empty these days?

2009-05-13T11:56:00.000-07:00

Just got in from work about half an hour ago, had some dinner, and now I'm bored. It's funny really, all day long at work I dream up a million things I could be doing with my time, and what I'll spend my evening doing, yet when the time arrives, I end up either watching tv, sitting in front of my pc staring blankly at irrelevant websites, or being plain bored and not knowing what to do. Since I began working full-time about two years ago, I've attempted to use my free time as best I could. But often I am just too fatigued to bother doing anything (particularly during weekday evenings), and well tonight is no exception. So I've decided to write a blog post, have a shave (I can never be bothered shaving in the morning, so shave at night), a bath, then watch the apprentice, read some of my current book, and then sleep.

Actually, that's another thing that full-time work does; it restricts your time even outside of work. For example, how much of my evenings do I spend shaving, bathing, ironing my work clothes, polishing my shoes from time to time, making my sandwiches for the next day etc. Add in to that the time it takes me to travel to work, and we're looking at about 12 or 13 hours a day spent at work or in work related duties.

I know it probably sounds like I am moaning about work, but I'm not. I'm just observing. I've been out of work before, and I know it's a far more disheartening experience than actually working. As much as work can restrict your time, and monopolise your life to an extent, it is a healthy thing at the end of the day. It forces you to have a routine, to socialise, to be active. I'm just observing the fact that work usurps alot of my time, and yet when I do have some free time, I am left doing nothing of note. I can't even load up any poker, because I only really enjoy MTTs, and they can take 5 or 6 hours, and I don't really want to be playing until 2 or 3 am.

Anyway, enough of that. Let me discuss what I've been up to. Recently I've been to the pub a fair few times, and I've seen a quite evident correlation; everywhere seems to be dead. Okay, pubs in London are still heaving at 6pm on a Friday, but at all other times, things seem dead.

Now I remember a few years ago when I used to go out, everywhere was choc-a-bloc, so whats happened? Most people blame the smoking ban, but I personally don't. I like to have a smoke, yet I actually support the smoking ban, and I imagine most rational smokers do too. It's not that bad for smokers really. You just pop outside, chat to some bird, and back inside to your mates. Better than getting home and having to put everything to the wash because it reeked of ashtray. No, I don't think its the smoking ban.

Others say its the price of beer. Most places will charge between £2.70-4.00 these days, usually in the £3.50 range. Now I agree, it's very expensive, but I still don't think its the primary reason why everywhere is dead. I mean, a few years ago clubs would charge £5 for a bottle of bud, and £150 for a table and be heaving. No, the price isn't the primary reason.

Others mention the credit crunch. Now of course this is a prime reason, because people can go to tesco and get 24 cans of stella for £13 or whatever, and then get smashed at home. But then again gambling revenues are still doing well (William Hill posted good profits last quarter, up from last year I believe), supermarkets are doing well etc., it seems the usual staples of british life are doing well, and surely the pub will fall into this category?

Others say the wine bars have killed the pub. We've all seen the places like the piano and pitcher, puzzle bar etc. pop up everywhere, and purists say its killed the pub. But has it really? It's the same thing essentially, and created a chav sub-culture of ben sherman wearing yobs wearing timberlands and drinking jugs of vodka red bull. Along with these chavs and men taking out their birds, I don't think that many people actually like these wine bars. And they're dead too these days, so I can't see how we can blame them.

No, it's not that. The easiest thing would be to blame all the above reasons, but that's the kind of thing somebody writing for The Guardian would do. And I don't really want to stop to that level of mediocrity.

I'm going to blame the lack of character in most places today. People used to go to the pub to socialise with their mates, see a few faces, say hi to the pub landlord, the hot girl behind the bar, etc

Seems like now you go out, haven't much cash because of the recession, then get fked of what little cash you have by the government taxing the fk out of pubs, have to put up with pubs and bars with no character, treated like a cvnt by the bouncers, have to stand outside like a dog to smoke, and then have to walk home cos you ain't got enough for a taxi or train home.

Ah well, good to see I'm as mediocre as I'd hoped I wasn't.

Hire a Professional Dealer for your next poker night

2009-05-08T09:13:00.000-07:00

I’m a big fan of gambling and among friends, we always have a big of a scuffle over who gets to deal. Not that we don’t trust each other, but we all want to play a serious game and have a drink without either one of us having to do all the donkey work each round.

So how great would it be to have a professional dealer at our weekly game? There are quite a few pros who have honed their card skills out there, but making the connection can be difficult. One site I came across the other day makes hiring a croupier for your next game a whole
lot easier.

Dialadealer.com let you browse and search through a worldwide network of professional level dealers and you can book or arrange to get a quote for your night through the site. It’s a bit like MySpace or LinkedIn specifically designed for the gaming community. The site currently has very good representation from the UK.

All the dealers have their special skills listed so you can see which dealer is the right one for your gambling night. Many dealers on the site are multi-skilled - they can run a Roulette wheel just as well as handle a typically intense Black Jack or Texas Hold-em game. We were getting a little bored with Black Jack or Poker nights every week so we switched things up and now have a monthly Roulette night going to
keep things interesting.

A couple of the dealers on the site even provide all the high end casino equipment themselves, for an unforgettable night with the least hassle. One refreshing aspect of the site was that many professionals list their hourly rates so you can compare and get the best deal if you can’t get in touch straight away.

All this information can be pretty useless if it can’t be found easily, so it’s important to note that the design of the site is top notch. Landing on the site you are greeted with the familiar green and wood finish of the poker table and cute little cards that display site information.

A veritable gold mine of information about getting your own games going is the icing on the cake - There is an article section packed with lots of useful tips and advice for both the seasoned and the novice gamer. This section contains everything from setting up your first game to choosing a larger venue and laying down the basic rules
of play.

Alongside the indispensable tips is a regular blog that discusses the latest issues in the gambling and dealing world. Some of the topics covered include how much to tip the dealer, which dealer jobs are the best paid and even how to spot card cheats.

Apart from all this, having a professional dealer at your game seems to get you noticed. A close friend at my last game commented that players take the game more seriously when they see a pro dealing cards fast and accurately and this encourages people to bid higher as well as play for longer.

Check out http://www.dialadealer.com for more info.

Grosvenor Casino

2009-05-03T07:52:00.000-07:00

Headed down to the Grosvenor Victoria Casino on Friday night, with a work colleague and a couple of his mates. We ended up playing in the £30+6 tourney, with 72 runners. Fcking 20% rake. 20 motherfcking % rake. Ridiculous. And no dealer even with that rake!! Anyway, in addition, not allowed to take my hoodie in, so had to freeze my gonads off whilst in there.

Apart from that, its a very nice place. We got 50% off food as it was our first time, and also a free drink etc. I ended up busting about 40th when the blinds were are 200/400 and I had a 1,200 stack. I was in the sb, and the pretty loose c/o went all-in for 2k, a short stack went all-in behind him on the button, and so I moved all-in blind. Why? Who knows. a) I was getting a bit bored. b) I was getting short stacked, and decided to treble up would be nice. c) I'm a bit of a loose ag donk. Anyway, c/o had A-7. button KK, and I flipped over 6...5...os. Sweet.

Flop comes A-6-3, turn-X, river-K. gg. etc.

I did give some other poor bloke a sick beat earlier in the tourney, I pushed off the button with J-8s, (I had 5 bbs lol), and BB calls with 99. Flop: 9-X-X, turn Q, river 10. ouch.

Anyway, was card dead etc., not really used to live poker, and so didn't feel very comfortable. Otherwise had a decent night etc. Yesterday didn't get up to much, just about to head off up central london to watch my friends ghey soul band play, its their debut gig, and I'm turning up for the lulz obviously. Bit of a shame that I'm going to miss the Porto match now, but Sporting drew yesterday and Benfica lost, so anything bar a defeat will be decent tonight.

Also, I'm glad I didn't stay up to watch Hatton, I just watched it in the morn, and he got burned hard by Pacman. Pure pwnage. Anyway, least he doesn't dodge the tough fights like a certain welsh italian dragon does...

Certain sports + no betting = zzzz

2009-04-29T05:51:00.000-07:00

A couple of years ago, in my betting 'heyday' I'd bet on absolutely anything. I was at uni, and only had about 10 hours of lectures a week, coupled with only about 13 hours work a week at Tesco. This gave me alot of time for sleeping, watching crap tv, chasing skirt, and of course betting. Now, I always had the betting under control (i.e. I wouldn't jizz off half my wages), but I did think about it. Alot.

I'm talking reading the next days racecards the day before. Planning some complex long term bet and lays over a single in-running brazilian football match. Begging that some scottish second division match would end in a tie, hoping that the horse leading up until the final hurdle would fall (without injuring itself or the jockey-although I cared more about my money, I know I know, its pretty despicable).

And then obviously you run out of things to bet on, even when you're betting on korean football or something. So naturally you seek other sports. Baseball, basketball, NFL, snooker, tennis, rugby, and even crap like who will win big brother or xfactor.

So, last night I turned on the tv and the snooker was on. I used to quite like snooker when I was a kid. It was soothing, albeit slightly dull. When I bet on it, I would proper get into the matches, and a missed red could leave me reeling in agony or bouncing for joy.

Since I've reduced my sports betting habits, I've come to understand just how dull some sports now appear to me. Snooker for example, my god I can't stand it. I'd rather watch emmerdale or something. Whats happened to me? Has the sports betting taken away from my true enjoyment of sports? Or was snooker always this boring?

In a way, I miss cheering on NEC as they take on AZ because I've backed NEC +1.5 goals etc. I miss actually caring when hendry wins a match, cos I backed him pre tourney at 25/1 and now he's 12/1. I miss all of these things. But then again, I don't miss the obsession, and the absurdity of it all.

Its Man Utd v Arsenal later. If its anything like Barca v Chelsea, maybe I should stick a cheeky tenner on somewhere....

Not much to say

2009-04-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of recent updates, I've been far too lazy to post anything. Largely because I've had nothing to talk about, but also because apathy is infectious. I've been working, luckily I still have a job, and in my spare time i've done alot of sleeping, also been playing the playstation for the first time in a year (not good), watched alot of south park, and basically done nothing of merit with my life.

On friday night I headed down to the Empire casino, and sat down at a cash table for a bit. 1/2 cash, I sat down with £50 and basically let myself get bullied about by donks and super aggro donks alike. lol. Still, I hadn't played live in a while, just missed the entry to the £20 rebuy, so played some cash to scratch that itch. Lets just say it was one of the most boring experiences I can remember, thankfully I was quite drunk.

Satutrday I enjoyed the sun, then played a few $4 180manners, following on from my win with quad deuces I followed this by coming 2nd in another last night. The last 4 times I've gotten heads up in these things I've won them all, so I was bound to come 2nd this time, particularly as I don't consider myself a particularly good heads up player.

I started with 90k chips, he had 180k or so, he pwned me continuously until I hit 40k in chips, then I began to understand his game, and crawled back up to about 65k before winning an all-in QQ vs AQ, and hitting 130k to his 140k or 150k or so. Then I raised to 9k with pocket 4s, he calls, flops lands 2-3-4, we end up all-in, I was expecting him to be on an A-high flush draw as 2 clubs were on the table, but he actually had 5-6os, fair enough, the board didn't pair and I didn't hit quads again lol, so gg (well I couldn't even say that cos I have a chat ban ffs).

I plan to hit the empire again within the next month, jizz off another £40 or so, but the tourneys look quite fun, and quite soft too, so we'll see.

Haven't really got much to say, I'll think of something better to write in my next post. Something about speedate or wanking or something, the kind of topic you guys enjoy :D

What a win to win a $4 180manners...

2009-04-17T19:09:00.000-07:00

Obviously my min re-raise may look obvious, but I had just done it the previous hand to which they folded, so I did it again to see if I could induce the shove.

PokerStars Game #27208960654: Tournament #156678759, $4.00+$0.40 Hold'em No Limit - Level XVII (2000/4000) - 2009/04/18 3:07:33 WET [2009/04/17 22:07:33 ET]
Table '156678759 2' 9-max Seat #4 is the button
Seat 2: Bossanova21 (158861 in chips)
Seat 4: BreeBears (111139 in chips)
Bossanova21: posts the ante 400
BreeBears: posts the ante 400
BreeBears: posts small blind 2000
Bossanova21: posts big blind 4000
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Bossanova21 [2h 2d]
BreeBears: raises 4000 to 8000
Bossanova21: calls 4000
*** FLOP *** [Jh Ad 2c]
Bossanova21: checks
BreeBears: bets 12999
Bossanova21: raises 12999 to 25998
BreeBears: raises 76741 to 102739 and is all-in
Bossanova21: calls 76741
*** TURN *** [Jh Ad 2c] [Kh]
*** RIVER *** [Jh Ad 2c Kh] [2s]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Bossanova21: shows [2h 2d] (four of a kind, Deuces)
BreeBears: shows [3h Ah] (two pair, Aces and Deuces)
Bossanova21 collected 222278 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 222278 | Rake 0
Board [Jh Ad 2c Kh 2s]
Seat 2: Bossanova21 (big blind) showed [2h 2d] and won (222278) with four of a kind, Deuces
Seat 4: BreeBears (button) (small blind) showed [3h Ah] and lost with two pair, Aces and Deuces

:D:D

Now I'm off to bed, fking knackered, its 3am, i been awake 22 hours, its not that bad, but im definitely knackered lol

Time for a break from the cyberfelt?

2009-04-15T02:20:00.001-07:00

Been on a sick run lately, spewing buy-ins like there is no tomorrow, and the worst thing is, I really don’t feel tilted and really don’t feel like I’m playing badly, which is quite disheartening in a way. I started with $50 this year, and turned it into $600 over 3 months, mainly by winning 3 of those $4 180manner things, along with doing well at $6 18man 6-handed sngs. When I won 2 of those $4 180manners things back to back, I knew that I’d probably run like a dog for the coming weeks, thats variance. But fk me, I can’t even min cash right now. Like I’ve said before, I run ok usually in the very early stages, and usually double up etc. But then after that, I get card dead AND run bad. Not a good combination. The usual beats tbh, TT loses to 33, AQ loses to A6 etc, yawn, you know the standard. Usually when I spew off most my BR, I feel tilted, maybe I even tried higher stakes, but this time I feel like I am playing well, and I have stuck to the same stakes. Thats why its pretty depressing that I’ve lost 50% of my roll in the last couple of months. Sigh. I have to ask myself, is it running bad, or am I just playing shit? I’m considering spending some time away from the felt, and then re-considering whether I want to keep spending such a large amount of my freetime on this game. I could definitely find better things to do, but I guess the poker bug keeps drawing us all back. When I started playing I obviously wanted to move up the stakes, but I’m still at crappy micro/low stakes, and am losing the passion tbh. I’m sure I’ll play again this weekend when inevitably I have nothing else to do lol

Easter Weekend: what a yawn-fest. I had a 4 day weekend, and really hoped to have gone on a good night out, but what epic fail my friends are. TBH I don’t even know whats happened to my group of friends. We used to be 6 or 7 of us all out every weekend, and now most of them have moved city or are locked down by the girlfriend etc. So I call one of my mates, and he says “I’ll call around and see, but if nobody else is on a night out, then I’m not either. Don’t really like going out in a group of just 2 people”. OK, going out on the piss with just another mate isn’t the preferred situation, its usually good to have at least 3 or 4, but FFS its better than staying in. This guy always complains about how nobody wants to go out, and when I offer it, he rejects. Grr. Anyway, its quite depressing, the fact that I seem to be in some sort of rut now, and nobody can be bothered to go out. Need to find some more friends, but its not easy when nobody wants to go out in the first place :S

Admittedly though, I can sometimes be a bit of a recluse, and like to stay in sometimes, and that hasn’t helped. A problem of my own making...So I ended up watching alot of South Park on the weekend, and seeing family, and a couple of mates etc. Pretty boring. South Park is legendary though :D

Oh, but I’ll feel alot better if my boys qualify later vs Man Utd. What a result last week at Old Trafford!! Forca Porto :D

Stick Tennis

2009-04-11T06:05:00.000-07:00

I'll do a proper update soon, and tell you just how fking frustrated I am with poker right now (same old crap, run ok until the mid-late stages, then run like a dog). I've also been playing alot of stick tennis. If you like these stick games, or tennis, then try it. It's kinda addictive :S

Play it here

Sunday, sunday....and tales of working in a call centre

2009-04-05T13:12:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I posed myself the question of what I should do on my Sunday off, poker or writing, and hoped I would do some writing. Predictably, I didn't. I woke up at 10am and watched the formula 1, which was literally a wash out, and then at around midday I had a bath and called a couple of friends as I was desperate to just get out of the house and do anything.

Predictably, everyone was either busy, lazy, or unattainable. Apart from going out on Friday, I had spent the rest of the weekend so far indoors, and the thought of staying in on Sunday was quite depressing. I really hate going to work on a Monday knowing I've wasted my days off. I mean, I sit at work dreaming of being somewhere else, yet often when I'm not at work, I'm sat in front of a computer screen, dreaming of being something else.

With the prospect of another homebound Sunday, I began to try and plan where I could go and get out for a bit. Thoughts of visiting the bookies entered my mind, but I knew I'd just end up leaving 10 times more depressed than I entered, so I swigged some whiskey to clear the cough I've got and numb the senses, and heated up some tarbs. I only played a handful of sngs, those 18man 6-seaters, and ended up breaking even. I was fckin stone cold bored the whole time though. I really wish I had the motivation to do something proactive and productive with my time.

When I was 16 or 17 I'd spend hours learning the guitar, writing songs, writing lyrics, poetry, etc. Alot of it was pure crap, but some of it I am still proud of now. I wish I still had that drive, but I guess it all changed after I began full time work...its something that really left me jaded on the whole.

Whilst playing those sngs, I read a large part of would-be's blog, especially the older posts when he was at a call centre lusting over some girl called Izzie. Would-be is definitely one of my favourite bloggers, along with guys like Joppa and Amatay, and I've followed his blog for a couple of months now. However, today I read his older posts that I hadn't seen before, and it really struck me how similar his thoughts on certain things were.

I too worked in a call centre, and reading his blog took me right back to that time. I fkin hated it too, I fell for a girl working there too, I dreaded work, yet knew it was better than not working (as I had been unemployed for 6 months before that) etc. etc.

I've long since changed job, I work as a researcher now, but the memories of that call centre often come back to me...I've worked in a few places before, but never hated anywhere as much as this call centre. I used to be on inbound, and people wanting to cancel their broadband would come through to me, and my job was to convince them to stay. I would get £1 for every customer I managed to keep. Woo(!). The smell of the place, the dinginess, the way customers treat you, the shit pay, the endless calls, the blunt management, the lack of people worth talking to at the place, the crappy industrial estate it was located on. All of it was enough to drive you mad. Would-be used to find his escape in the form of gambling and emailing that girl he liked, and I too would pop down the bookies at lunch and email the girl I liked. I would also purposely wind up customers for the sake of entertainment, and relished a verbal fight. Trust me, after 80 calls a day of cancellations, you want something different, and so a verbal fight with a customer does the trick. I would only ever pick on customers that would begin the conversation aggressively, y'know the type that when I ask for your date of birth would say "for fucks sake, why do I have to do this everytime" etc.

My favourite way to wind someone up would be when a repeat caller would say "I spoke to someone there last week who said I could cancel today"

I'd reply: "What was their name?"

"I can't remember, it was James or something"

Then I'd throw the bait out there: "Ah James, yes. The tall guy with the spikey hair?"

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE DO I?"

bingo.

Although tbh, anyone I was a knob to on the phone, I always gave them what they wanted. So if they had 9 months of contract left, I'd give them a free cancellation, just as a thankyou for livening up my day...

I used to talk so much crap on the phone, I wish I could get my hands on some of my call recordings...

I think the short time I was at the call centre really changed the way I looked at life and the future, and made me very pessimistic about it. I've again changed my thinking since joining my new job etc., but that pessimism definitely remains.

Reading would-be's early blog posts just reminded me that often we forget that most of us are all alike. We think in certain ways because we've been put in certain situations. I imagine 80% of people at call centres have similar attitudes to their jobs and stuff. Just like a large proportion of people seeking work might have similar attitudes, or how most coppers might think in the same vein. People's opinions and views are shaped by experience...and definitely alot of it has to do with work.

To finish this post off, I'll just quickly give an example of what I mean. When I worked at Tesco as a 16 year old, I used to have the odd sandwich or eclair in the fridges out back, or a sly drink (non-alc) in the back. Basically, everyone did it, and you'd only get caught if you stole excessively, or if you were lifting tobacco, alcohol or electronics etc.

Anyway, I now work as a researcher and this place is full of people from good uni's, and it's there first job etc. So I can't remember how it came up, but I casually once mentioned that I would have a sly sandwich for free in the back at Tesco when I worked there etc.

Some of my colleagues were actually pretty shocked, and began saying that it's all stealing, and that I was a thief in those days etc.

I myself was shocked that anyone could brand me a thief (although technically it is thieving), as I thought it was commonly accepted that people at supermarkets (and most workplaces) have their perks...

When you're earning £3.60 as a 16 year old, and so earning £27 a day, i think its fair to say that you're getting fcked by the corporation. So I had no problems helping myself to a sandwich or eclair when I couldn't afford one.

Yet for people who had never been in this situation, it is stealing.

I guess my point is, alot of people make assumptions about others, where the only way you can make an informed assumption is to have experienced that. People look down on alcoholics, gambling addicts, drug addicts, thieves etc., or might wonder why certain people have a certain attitude, but at the end of the day, it's usually just down to our environment. We're all the same I think, but are moulded in certain ways by society. Of course I believe we have innate instincts, and for example some of use are more likely to become addicts or something than others, but I do also think we often forget how similar we are to each other.

Its something I often try to remind myself, that we are all the same at the end of the day. When our government tells us that we are waging war on Afghanistan to stop the terrorists, I always try to remind myself that 99% of people in that country couldn't give a fck about terrorism and just want to feed their kids, just like we want to feed our kids etc.

I don't even know what the point of this post is. Fck it, come to your own conclusions

gl if anyone hits the cyber felt later...

Hayfever

2009-04-04T16:16:00.000-07:00

I only started suffering from it a couple of years ago, but now its pretty much unbearable from about march to may (I'm apparently allergic to tree pollen, grass pollen allergies are from may to july or so)

I tried taking tablets and they sucked, useless. Didn't really change a thing.

I'd basically wake up twice or three times a night in a sneezing fit, wake up with red puffy eyes and go through a fkin pack of tissues a day. I felt constantly bunged up, tired, and pretty moody.

So today I started using some over the counter nasal spray crap, I hope it works, really getting fed up of it. I know there are worse things to suffer from, but I read that 1 in 4 people suffer from hayfever. So 25% of people are allergic to something that is unavoidable in the springtime. What the fck is evolution for? I thought that these types of allergies would have been eradicated by now. ffs.

Regarding poker: Yawn I played some MTTs and SNGs today. An $11 mtt, 3000 starters, came 1400th or something when I kept losing coin-flips. Some of those ghey 180man $4, about 5 of them, when it mattered I couldn't win a race. I've been running like this for a while, and it's probably fking up my game, so that I am probably not helping myself. It doesn't even bother me that much to lose, which I guess isn't a good sign...

Grand National was today, I backed Kilbeggan Blade, Cornish Sett e/w, and then Fleet Street at 340/1 (and 40/1 to place) and Fundamentalist at 370/1 (and 40/1 to place)

None of them came anywhere near the money. But I had a feeling that it was worth backing some major long shots e/w, and I just looked at some long shots that weighed 11st or less and backed them. Mon Mome was 11st, so I overlooked it. Oh well.

It was another boring saturday for me. Watched some football, wasted some time playing poker, and thats about it. Gotta start being more pro-active. Going to some museums, or sight-seeing, or out to some new bars etc. The problem is that nobody has any money these days with the recession and all, and nobody can ever be bothered to do anythign. So I end up doign nothing all weekend and wondering what the fck I am doing with my life.

Sigh.

I might play some poker tomorrow if I have nothing else to do. Or maybe I'll do some writing. Poker is easier though, so I'll probably do that cos I'm a lazy bastard. ffs.

Houses for $40

2009-03-31T15:01:00.000-07:00

Been reading up on a few things, and came across this article re: the sub prime crisis in the US. There are plenty of other similar articles, and it really is shocking how a country like US can allow a city to degenerate to that state.

Here are some key quotes for those of you that won't click in the link (95% of you IMO):

"It may be tough to get financing for a new car these days, but in Detroit you can buy a house with a credit card.

The median price of a home sold in Detroit in December was $7,500, according to Realcomp, a listing service.

Not $75,000. Remove a zero—it's seven thousand five hundred dollars, substantially less than the lowest-price car on the new-car market."

"One-third of the population lives in poverty, and almost 50 percent of children are in poverty, according to data from the Detroit-Area Community Indicators System. Median household income has dropped 24 percent since 2000, according to the Census Bureau."

"Detroit, which has lost half its population in the past 50 years, is deceptively large, covering 139 square miles. Manhattan, San Francisco and Boston could, as a group, fit inside the city's boundaries. There is no major grocery chain in the city, and only two movie theaters. Much of the neighborhood economy revolves around rib joints, hot dog stands and liquor stores. "

I found this article and these quotes on a forum I visit, and was pretty shocked upon reading it. You have to ask yourself, if arguably the richest and most powerful nation in the world (over the last 75 years at least) can allow a city to fall into such a state, what hope do the rest of us have?

I investigated a bit more and found some estate agents in Detroit that confirm this, here and here

I have been told that the Property Tax out there (the equivalent of council tax) is quite high, and so that is a reason why the house prices are so cheap, but also the city is just an automotive city, and that industry is fcked, so no reason to go live there.

On the subject of the global recession, it is the G20 tomorrow, and I'll be going to work in casual clothing. TBH I look nothing like a city worker, I look like a cross between a chav and a hobo, so I'm actually more worried of getting beaten down by the police than any protester...

Anyway, should make for an interesting day...

G20 protests, and I keep running like a dog in the late stages of mtts...

2009-03-29T09:03:00.001-07:00

Played a series of MTTs yesterday, and my downward spiral continues. It doesn't really help that I jizzed off about 8 of my typical buy-ins in 2 satelitte 9seat sngs where I tried qualifying for the Daily 80k on stars, and came 4th in both. 1st and 2nd got seats, 3rd got their stake back, I got absolutely nothing. In the last few weeks I've lost about 20 buy-ins playing either 6-seat sngs or satelittes. The reason I've played these satellites is because I'm a bit bored of the stakes I'm at, and I am probably marginally rolled to move up a level if I want, but I've been there before and know I'll lose my roll if I do. So I thought I'd try my luck in some satellites and qualify for some tourneys 3 or 4 levels above my usual micro-stakes. I've qualified for the daily 80k a couple of times before using these satellite sngs, but the last time I tried, I lost 3 in a row (enough to buy me a seat more or less) and decided to never play a satellite sng again.

Well yesterday I totally forgot about the excellent advice I gave myself, and as I had nothing better to do, yet knew that I didn't have the necessary drive to play well at my usual stakes, I tried qualifying, and lost 2 of these sngs.

$35 down the drain or so. It's the same old story the past few weeks in any sng, satellite or mtt that I play. I run pretty good in the very early stages, but in the mid or late stages, I run like a dog. And basically, we all know that running good in the mid-late stages is the key to cashing.

I know its just variance, and I'm not tilting or angry or anything, I won two of those $4 180manners in the space of a week whilst hardly putting the hours in, so I can't complain, but it is painful to see the roll diminish, and so I tried grinding some sngs, but seeing as I run like a dog, I struggle to even cash.

For example in a 180 seat sng, I had my starting 1,500 chips, I'm utg+2 with AQ. I raise 3bbs to 90, and everyone folds except the sb who has about 400 chips, who calls

Flop 4-8-Q

SB raises 150, i move all-in, he shows 88

Turn: Q

River: 4

Very lucky of course, but I'm wasting my fkin rungoodements to win 500 chips

WHy can't I run like this when approaching the final table?

ffs lost count of the times my AK couldn't crack 77 or 66, or when my QQ couldn't see of A7 or K8 lol

A big part of my slight downturn is the fact that I'm not really 'feeling' the game right now. I'm not playing my A-game because I'm not really enjoying it. Over the past few months I really have cut down my poker, from about 20-25 hours a week, to maye 6 or 7, and frankly, my results have been better than ever lately. I think because I've been able to concentrate better etc.

But even know, 6-7 hours a week can seem tiresome, and find myself playing 6-7 hours a fortnight etc. Its just phases, everyone gets them, and its nothing special, but I sometimes think that I might eventually stop caring about poker, and I wonder if thats really a bad thing, or whether I should maybe try it one time.

We'll see. I'm not one of those poker obsessed fish anymore, comparing everything in life to poker and waking up thinking of it. That was me a few months ago maybe, but now I'm glad I'm able to act like a semi rational fish and worry about why there seem to be fewer and fewer women in this city, and more and more idiots.

Anyway, on another subject its the G20 protests this coming week, and I read in the papers that work bosses were telling staff to dressdown etc. I initially laughed, until I received what was a 30 point bulletin email from my employers, giving my direct instructions on how to act next week. Including I must dress down, I must not antagonise the protestors, or speak to them, or react to them.

Well, maybe if they mind their own business and don't throw an egg at me, I might mind my own fckin business. I hate the way that some people think they can act differently in a certain situation, and get away with it. I mean for example, on a day where it snows, you'll get people throwing snowballs at you. Why? I just don't get it. Does it look like I want snowball thrown at me? Would I throw a bucket of water at you if it rained torrentially?

Same as during these protests, people suddenly think they can throw an egg at me maybe, and I won't react. Maybe I won't. Especially if they are a crowd of more than 3.

Which seems likely seeing as 30,000 marched yesterday.

Human behaviour is certainly interesting in relation to certain situations. I always like to read about this stuff, and an interesting like is the Stanford Prison Experiment. Basically normal people took part in an experiment, and they were separated into 2 groups: guards and prisoners. This group of people had been tested and shown to have no obvious abnormal psychological traits, the prisoners and guards were chosen by coin flips, and they spent a week in a mock prison. By the end of the experiment, the guards were acting like cvnts cos of their 'authority', and the prisoners accepted this bad treatment. The experiment was stopped after 6 days. Anyway, this shows that people act differently in different situations, particularly when given authority or power. I'm sure protestors and police will end up acting differently to how they might usually do so next week, and it might turn out badly. But we'll see. Hopefully it passes without major incident.

Oh, and btw, I agree with alot of the protests, I just don't want anyone to think they can throw an egg at me or something. Thinking about it, why am I so certain they will? I guess I've believed they hype. I'm such a media whore.

Memories of liv boeree

2009-03-24T16:12:00.000-07:00

I opened my facebook account the other day, and had a link posted on my wall that a friend sent to me. It was of Liv Boeree pretending to get angry at some poker news guy (well I think she was pretending, it didnt seem convincing), accompanied by a smiley face message.

All pretty average, except the reason my mate posted it, was not because it was interesting, or that he is a liv boeree stalker anything, its because of what happened at the WSOPE last summer.

Basically, I work in central London, the wsope was on, me and my mate were out in central, and decided to pop in and basically see what the low-down was. We popped in at around 7pm, and they basically went on a 1 hour break as soon as we got there, so we decided to come back later.

Went to wetherspoons, got quite wasted, and headed back to the Empire casino for the wsope. It was the £2,500 buy in day, a few days before the main event, and as I was watching negreanu with mild interest I noticed a very attractive young lady stood by me, who I had spied playing at the tables earlier (well its not hard to miss her, a hot 20-something girl in a room fall of mainly ugly bastard poker players). I start chatting to her, and I wasn't completely wasted, but I had enough to basically start talking to random people. This is more or less how it went:

Me: So how did it go?

Liv: Yeah ok, pretty standard, I ran Queens into Kings.

Me: Ah, bad luck. So what was the standard like?

Liv: Pretty weak on the whole, alot of fish here tonight

Me: So you gonna play the main event?

Liv: Nah, I am going to play the £6k buy-in main event in Aruba?

Now at this point, I thought she said "at aruba", and me being a completely numpty...

Me: Cool. So wheres that?

Liv: Aruba

Me: Isn't that a club?

Liv: No, its a country.

Me: Oh.

Liv: I gotta go...

Pwn :(

TBH, I'm pretty good with my geography, I know my guinea-bissaus from my guineas etc, but I can often work myself into situations where I just sound like a stupid twat. Especially if it involves ladies. Attractive ladies in particular. And in my defence, I had only just begun taking an interest in poker around that time, starting to play online instead of just home games etc., and I had only ever heard of Aruba beforein an episode of the simpsons I think lol

I felt like a complete muppet afterwards, and my mate keeps ribbing me about it everyone once in a while...still, at least she's not got a degree in astrophysics or anything like that, that would make me feel like an even bigger numpty ;-)

Worst excuse ever? Or most hilarious at least?

2009-03-22T12:01:00.000-07:00

The other night I was out with a few friends, and most of them were going home when the pub shut, but I felt like prolonging the night. My mate mentioned going to a strip bar or some club, and I was happy with that. But he suddenly disappeared, and when I called...no answer. So that was that, and I went home.

I saw him a few days later, and this was how our conversation proceeded:

Me: What happened friday? You disappeared man, didnt answer your phone, I thought we were going somewhere else after?

Him: Well I was desperate for a dump, so I went to the pub toilets, but they were minging, so I decided to use the lavs at the train station

(This station is next to the pub)

Me: What the ones where you pay 30p? Ok, so why didn't you answer your phone, where did you go?

Him: Well I took a dump, and then as I had finished wiping, you called me, and I went to answer and let my phone drop in the unflushed toilet

Me: (LMAO) So did you fish it out?

Him: Nah, it was too messy. I just left it there, and then phoned my insurance and told em it was stolen and got a new phone. After that, I didn't know where you were, so went home.

That was it basically, lol. Now, I definitely think he was lying, and probably just went and puked somewhere and went home. But I have to give him credit, that is an inventive story.

Now, for arguments sake, if you get a replacement phone, how long does it take? Cos I say him 3 days later and he said he had a replacement phone, I thought this sounded unrealistic.

Secondly, if this happened to you, would you fish the phone out? Or leave it there?

I'm unsure, but I really don't think I'd just leave my phone there unless it looked like it had broken. I've dropped keys in a toilet where I had taken a piss, and fished the keys out, and that was bad enough. But would I fish out a phone after a dump?

Hmm. I have to say I probably would. But I'd be sure to wash my hands with handwash, soap, bleach, and probably some industrial cleaning fluids too.

P.S A few posts ago I mentioned green street 2, lol jus saw an ad, and seems it has gone straight to DVD. What a surprise (!)

Big Brother is watching me

2009-03-18T13:50:00.001-07:00

The other day I was taking a slash in the toilets when the head of IT, who is technically one of my bosses, was in there too.

"Alright man", I say.

"Alright" he mumbles back, in our usual obligatory manner.

That's it usually, just a few words exchanged.

When suddenly he decides to add to our exchange and asks me "So who's this Hairy Gymnast then?"

WTF. My eyes nearly popped out tbh.

"What?"

"I've seen on your usage log a Hairy Gymnast site, it stuck out, what is it? I was too scared to check?"

"Just some hirsute porn I'm into" I joke.

He doesn't laugh.

"Nah, it's a poker blog" I add.

"Ok"

And that was that. I felt violated afterwards. And after reading Joppas latest post, which is pretty much written porn, I better look behind my back at all times....

Drinks, gossip, and the usual weekend fare

2009-03-14T12:40:00.000-07:00

Another week, another friday night drinks with work colleagues. I don't know what its like for other people, but whenever I'm out with my work colleagues we always end up talking about work related issues. For example, you'll go out, and talk about football, general news, tell some jokes, talk about plans for the weekend/future, past experiences, the usual stuff. Then once everyone has had 3 or 4 pints, work always becomes the topic of conversation for most of the rest of the night. Not the whole time, but at least 50% of the conversation gets hogged by this. I don't know what my opinion on this is to be honest. My first thought is "FFS why do we always talk about work", but then it's been like this at any place I've worked at. People just love to moan and gossip, and if you're smart about it, these situations can be very useful in learning what your colleagues are really like, and what people think of each other etc. Anyway, the important thing is to listen, learn and try not to say anything incriminating. I usually end up saying something I regret slightly, but this is offset by usually finding out some interesting things about other work colleagues or whatever.

Anyway ended up pretty smashed, and decent night in general.

On the way home I got on the tube, and as I passed white city station, the tube got filled by girls who seemed to be promoting red nose day. It's where the bbc is located, so maybe they were coming from there. All of them were gorgeous. I couldn't believe it. Maybe I was dreaming it in my inebriated state, and then it got me thinkinh, I've been noticing alot of really hot girls lately. I mean everywhere...on the tube, the street, even on the bus. I guess summer is arriving. It's a strange phenomenon, but I'm not complaining.

I'm currently reading Zen and the art of Motorcycle maintenance, which is a kind of new wave philosophical book, set to a motorcycle journey across the US. It can get pretty boring (like most philosophy), but its interesting on the whole. The author often draws parallels between common day things like fixing up his motorbike and his philosophical ideas. He uses common things as metaphors for his ideas. And I realised that when I'm enjoying my poker, I often do the same. I think poker does reflect life in alot of ways. The amount of idiots you have to put up with, the horrible decisions they make, the luck that plays a part, the endless theories of how poker should be played, the poker idols worshipped by fans, the common man struggling to grind out at low stakes, the way the upper echelons of the poker world resembles the real world financial sector in relation to borrowing and liquidity, the importance of managing your bankroll, the way that one bad move can ruin your game etc.

All things that are true of life. So I often end up drawing parallels between poker and life, and I guess I use it to draw out my theories of how to play the game. I'm sure I'll give examples in future posts, but right now I can't a) think of any clear examples b) be bothered to explain.

In relation to playing, I played a $5 MTT and 2 $4 180manners, and ended up taking down one of the 180manners. I was quite pleased to take it down, as 4 handed I was the clear short stack with 20k chips, and the blinds at 1/2k or so. Ended up doubling up once with my JT luckboxing against JK, and then I got AA in first position, raised to 9k, and got 2 people shove all in, and I of course joined them, and so it was AA v AK v KQ,I held, and had a 110k stack, and from there yo-yo'd a bit before taking it down. The guy I beat heads up was one of the worst players I've seen in a while to be honest. He was so bad that for a while he owned me completely because I was clueless as to how to dominate this donk. Ended up just playing super super TAG with him, and won easily.

Might play some more later, or might just go out. Decisions, decisions...

Fever, weird dreams and whatever

2009-03-07T12:35:00.000-08:00

Haven't got much to tell unfortunately, have spent the whole week struggling at work with a fever, runny nose, sore throat and bitch of a headache. Sounds like a hangover, but i wish lol. Been having some fcked up dreams too cos of the fever. I remember last year I was reading 'For whom the bell tolls' by Hemingway, which is based during the Spanish Civil war, and around that time I got ill and I became delusional or something cos of fever, I actually dreamt I was hiding from the fascists in the hills, and I think I actually believed it :S

Fever is a strange thing. So been having a bunch of fcked up dreams again this week. Running for a train and then always missing it or getting stuck in the doors, or being implicated for some murder I didn't commit, or some incomprehensible crap.

When I studied psychology, the subject of dreams was one of the few topics that actually interested me. There are some interesting theories as to why we dream, I can't remember most of them, but the one I seemed to agree with was that it was wish-fulfillment and also punishment at the same time. Because apparently when we have nightmares its cos we feel guilty about something and are punishing ourselves subconsciously, and when we have nice dreams it's just standard wish fulfillment. It was alot more complex than this (the theory), but I can't quite remember.

Dreams can also be a pretty strong source of inspiration for some people. I think Arthur Lee used to wake himself up at sunset, try and remember his dreams then write songs about it, that's why they are such psychedelic lullabies lol. Anyway this week I slept quite badly because of the fever and stuff, so been too knackered to do anything at night.

I played a proper session of poker today for the first time in about 2 or 3 weeks. Played 5 of those $4 180manners, and took 1 down. I just played tight until the blinds hit about 150/300, then went LAG in sporadic sessions, then would not play a hand for a couple of rounds of the table, then would get back on it. I sucked out pretty bad on one hand (although it wouldn't have bust me, just left me with an average stack with abou 45 to go), and ended up with a bit of a monster stack, and took it from there.

Ended up HU with 60k chips against his 200k or whatever, and always felt that he was so bad a player that I could build up my stack and not even have to see any showdowns, which is what I tried to do etc.

Once I won, I felt content, but not that elation I used to feel. I have to admit, I was pretty fkin bored for the first 2 hours of the MTTs, and then once I won and only felt content it was a bit of a let down I guess.

I still like playing, but lately I've been far more interested in other things...which I have to admit is something that pleases me, as when I was hooked on the poker, I felt like I was close to becoming some kind of degenerate gambling addict recluse lol. Now I feel I have everything under control and can do other things with my spare time.

I've started taking more interest in music and movies again, and began reading more and more books lately. I really want to keep writing, but I rarely have the desire too (as you can see by me only updating this blog once a week lol). Might try and write summat and post it on this blog one time, see what you guys think and all.

Yeah, thats a plan. Bet you guys can't wait :P

By the way, has anyone seen the trailer for Green Street Hooligans 2? I know Green Street was quite awful itself (although the 'cockney' accent of that hooligan was the funniest thing I've heard in a while), but this looks like being the worst sequel of the decade, if not all time. Check this out, and tell me it doesn't look hilariously bad:

In Cold Blood...

2009-03-01T08:08:00.000-08:00

I've been a bit ill all week, although nothing major, just a cold etc. But it's annoying having to be at work with a cold, when you'd prefer to just be in bed and look after your body. But such is life. Went out for literally 2 or 3 pints after work on Friday, and felt a bit dodgy cos of the cold, and so decided to go home and sleep the entire weekend.

I ended up watching a bit of football this weekend, along with watching a bit of tv and finished reading In Cold Blood. I've read the book before, but decided to re-read it the other day after Joppa mentioned it in his blog. I've only ever read a handful of books more than once (Catch 22, The Great Gatsby, On the Road), as I usually don't find certain books interesting enough to re-read. However, In Cold Blood gripped me as much the second time round as it had intially; probably even more-so, as I had watched the Capote film now and read up a little bit more on Capote himself etc.

For anyone that hasn't read it, it's a true story of 2 killers who murder an entire family of 4 in rural Kansas, in what looks like a motiveless crime. Capote in real life travelled out to Kansas days after the killings, and interviewed the town, and once the killers were caught became acquainted with them and their stories.

Reading the book this time round, I asked myself the same questions as I had done so the first time I read it: Why would Herb allow his family to be tied up one by one? I guess it was a different time, and being a deeply religious rural man, he probably believed that they were only out to rob him etc. Still, I'm not quite sure if his reasoning was correct or naive. I guess it's like everything in life (and poker for those that play it), in that there is not one answer that would be correct in every situation. To allow himself to be tied up, and for the killers to search his house, would probably have saved everyones life 9 times out of 10, whilst to fight them would probably end in somebodies (if not the whole family's) murder in most occasions. I guess it's like when you shove pre-flop with AK, get called by AQ and someone spikes a Q. Your play isn't wrong, but in that instance, it didn't pay off.

Reading the initial part of the book always reminds me of when my house was broken into and robbed a few years ago. I was still at University at the time, but working in south-east London. At the time I was living with my parents in west london, and so travelling an hour and a half to get to work. It was a thursday morning, and mid summer, when I awoke to my dad shouting obscenities and screaming for back-up (from me and my brother). I hurtled out of bed, and bumped into my mum in the landing, where for an instant she thought I was an intruder and screamed her head off, leading my dad to run back up the stairs thinking there was an intruder upstairs too.

I ran downstairs and straight into the street, only to just about hear the distant squealing of a car getting away. I was outside in just my boxers and stood their for a few seconds not knowing what to do. I ran back inside, discovered that they had stolen some alcohol, were in the process of dismantling my hi-fi but hadn't stolen it, had stolen an old pair of trainers of mine (!) and all our kitchen knives. As soon as I saw the kitchen knives missing, I began to realise just how nasty this could have turned. Then I realised that they had stolen my dads car. His keys were in his jacket, and they must have opened the car and rolled it out of the driveway so we didn't hear.

Basically what had happened, they had forced their way in through a small window, without breaking it, and began rummaging downstairs. My dad heard them, and thought that it was me getting ready for work, as it was about 6am. I heard them and thought it was my mum getting a drink of water (as she often did) and so fell asleep again. Then one of them came up the stairs to the landing, and went straight back downstairs again. He reached the top of the stairs, must have heard us sleeping, and returned downstairs. This is when he had stolen my mums handbag, as it was on the landing. My dad got up at that point, still not really suspecting we were being robbed, went for a piss, then looked downstairs to see an intruder, thats when he shouted and they ran off, and I got up etc.

I think there had been 4 or 5 in our house, judging from the noise they made when leaving the house, and the majority of the stuff they stole was strange (alcohol etc.), so they were probably wasted at the time, or extremely small time crooks. They weren't kids though, as the guy my dad saw was in his 50's. A few weeks later, and something similar happened a mile away where someone ended up being stabbed to death as she stumbled upon intruders.

I guess that was one of the most frightening experiences for me, and it could have turned out badly, if for example I had crept up on them to which I'd have probably attacked them and they had knives...

My point here, is that sometimes luck has a great deal to play in how situations turn out. And looking back, I consider that the ending of that episode was lucky, as nobody was hurt, they found our car abandoned some days later, and the only thing left to remind us of that incident was our memories and the fear we experienced at night during that summer.

Back to the book, another thing that often had me perplexed, was why did Dick (one of the killers, who didn't actually kill anyone, just help his accomplice kill) keep protesting his innocence at the murders? Sure he didn't actually pull the trigger, but he did walk into each room with a torch and shine it upon his victims and watch Perry kill. I guess the obvious answer was that he didn't want to be executed, but sometimes people just have to take responsibility for their actions.

I find that humans in general tend to try and waive responsibility for their actions, and in the current world we live in, more and more responsibility is being placed on the government and authority, rather than human judgement. What I mean is that people will speed on a road without speed cameras and think "well if it wasn't safe to speed on this road, they'd have put a camera up by now", instead of using judgement. That is just one example I can think of.

Dick didn't want to take responsibility for his role in the murders, yet assisted in them. You can't have it both ways.

Of course I am simplifying the matters here, as their characters and the situation is far more complex than I am describing here, and Capote does explain beautifully the characters in the book. I do find that Capote seems to display favoritism towards Smith, whilst ignoring Hickocks point of view, but nonetheless it's a fantastic book.

I'm not a morning person apparently...

2009-02-23T12:25:00.000-08:00

Recently I've been getting alot of shit from the girls at work, saying that I'm a moody bastard, especially in the morning where I won't talk to anyone until at least 11am.

It's true to an extent.

One girl claimed "Nobody speaks to you cos you'll bite their head off"

IMO it's unfair. I have never shouted at anyone for speaking to me in the morning. Largely cos nobody speaks to me knowing I probably will bite their head off. But nevertheless, right now such claims are slander.

So, does anyone hate the mornings as much as me? Feel depressed until about 11am at least? Then the mist clears and you feel better. Just me then? lol

Just as the mist cleared at around 11am I finally decided to check the bbc website, to see what joys would greet me on a fine monday morning. Any crazy snow storms? Any global depression stories? Any murders committed by remorseless youths? Probably. But I looked no further than the first story on my rss stream..."Oscar joy for Slumdog". Ah yes! Please let mickey have won. please please please....and the winner is....Sean Penn :(

I'm sure Penn deserved it (haven't seen the film Milk) as much as Rourke, but I'm a sentimental wanker and :

a) Penn already won an Oscar before I believe
b) Mickey Rourke is one of the greatest comeback stories of our time
c) He wore a fking white suit :D How much of a fck you was that to the academy that want that whole black tie shebang

Gotta love him. Plus he had a picture of his dead dog hung from a chain on his neck...the guy is a legend.

I saw Heath ledger won best supporting actor too...fair enough, I liked his performance, can't help but attribute half the hype to his death though. Death really does wonderful things to one's career.

On the subject of dead stars, I've really been getting into Elliott Smith lately. Such a fantastic artist, should have really been bigger in his heyday. Crazy bastard supposedly stabbed himself in the chest...wow, I can think of a zillion better ways to die.

Poker, supermarkets and paps...

2009-02-19T05:32:00.000-08:00

So its Thursday, and we're nearing the end of week. Thankfully. It's been one of those weeks really. Busy at work, hardly any free time, had a constant headache all week (well not quite, but does feel like I've had it for too long) and keeping feeling ill on/off. But it's all good, nothing really to complain about.

Haven't played much poker at all really, just a few $4 180manners. Didn't cash in any, bubbled on a few, ran bad etc. The usual boring story. Not really bothered to be honest. A few months ago, I imagine that right about now I'd be feeling very annoyed at the situation, and trying to tweak my game to improve it so that I could reverse the situation etc. Now I just put it down to variance and am just gonna keep playing my gung-ho game. I find that I definitely play shove and fold too much. For example, I can't remember the last time I didn't shove with AK. I just wonder if sometimes playing more post flop would be better for me, but I really can't be bothered entertaining tw@ts who raise with QT or something, and calling them, only for K-T-T to land, I go bust, and get angry. So I just shove pre, get called by QT and the result is the same, but at least I don't blame myself.

Another reason why I don't care as much that I'm on a bad run, is because I'm not really that interested in poker right now. My closest association to the game right now is reading other peoples blogs (I read everyones blog in my blog roll, and a few more from time to time), and I enjoy reading them, but apart from that I don't really do anything associated with poker right now. I haven't been on rtr or any other poker forum for a while, not played since the weekend, and not watched any poker shows or HH lately. I just don't really have the mentality for it right now, or the interest to slug out an 8 hour shift multi-tarbing MTTs, only to lose a flip on the final table button and walk away with $36 lol. I still enjoy playing, but don't have the patience at the moment, and end up getting in tricky spots cos I decided to raise UTG with 7-6os or something. I've been spending my time lately by trying to be creative in other senses.

I've spent my weeknights watching footie or films lately, and watched The Wrestler the other day. Great film. I used to really be into wrestling in the 90's when I was growing up, and used to like WCW (because I didn't have sky, and WCW was on TNT turner which was a free channel on satellite) Watching the film brought back all those memories, and also reminded me of what it was like working in a supermarket all those years ago. The stereotypical supermarket manager does exist, although to be fair, there are several nice managers too. I've worked in a range of places, from call centres to supermarkets to city jobs to academic jobs, and I have to say, supermarket managers were the worst bosses I ever worked under. Alot of them are useless at their job, but thats not what bothers me, as there are useless people all over the place, from supermarkets to parliament to investment banks to football clubs. What bothered me was their attitude. I have never seen so many jealous managers, who are on a power trip, taking it out on younger staff because they are jealous they are studying, older staff because they want to feel superior and basically anyone they can be a bastard to, just so they don't wake up and ask themselves what the fk happened for them to be in a supermarket? What happened to their dreams?

Now don't get me wrong, nothing shameful in working in a supermarket, far from it, but I did feel these guys were ashamed or jealous, and thats why they were so bitted.

At least in the call centre I worked at, even the managers didn't give a shit.

In addition, I watched a show last night on the new generation of paparazzi's. You can watch it here on bbc i-player. You guys should at least watch the opening scene, where they are chasing down Amy Winehouse. it is disgusting. Not only are the paps cvnts, invading her space and driving dangerously to picture her, they are also putting other peoples lives at risk just in the hunt for a photo. No wonder Diana died if this is how they act. Most the paps in the show also seemed like knobs, and the whole job looks a joke profession to me. Can't believe it isn't illegal to photograph random people on the street...surely its an invasion of privacy? if I was walking down the street and someone randomly began photographing me, I'd fkin flip and smash their camera. Can see why celebs complain. But on the other hand, its their life isn't it? They earn thousands and millions, and so have to take the shit that comes with it. It's not that I felt sorry for the celebs, I just hated seeing the paps drive like lunatics chasing these celebs. And trust me, lunatic is the right word.

Gl peeps, tk care

Bossa

International Friendlies...zzz

2009-02-12T13:35:00.000-08:00

Haven't really been up to much, been working, its been a busy week, etc. yawn. But when I get home at 7.30 or 8pm I like to watch a bit of footie, but this week I've had to make do with International friendlies. God, what a snooze fest. Firstly on tuesday came Italy vs Brazil. My friend from work actually paid £40 to see it. He's neither brazilian or italian, and personally I don't see the attraction. These games might have a nice goal in it, but the rest of the match is lifeless, and more importantly the crowd don't really care. That's what makes a football match a football match: the crowd. Hearing the opposition crowd taunt you, then going 1-0 up, beautiful feeling. On the other hand, hearing 55,000 fans or whatever cheer when your team just conceded a goal...heartwrenching. lol. But anyway, for me, its the crowd that makes live footie such a thrill, and you don't really get a proper atmosphere at a friendly.

Anyway, so I watched 10 mins of that, got bored and switched to some crap or another on one of the obscure digital channels. Wednesday night brought me Portugal vs Finland, and by 60 minutes I was bored senseless. As some of you might know from previous posts, I support Portugal (and FC Porto), and well...this game was horrible. Queiroz is a clown, and can't remember a worse Portuguese winger than Nani. What a useless muppet. I got so fed up of watching the debacle, that I switched off on 60 mins...we won 1-0. By a penalty. yay (!). Didn't even bother watching england either, just seen they were losing, and flipped it to gossip girl. lol.

How the mighty have fallen. Gossip girl over football. But fck it, international footie is awful, can't wait for the proper footie on the weekend. Been watching alot of these teen shows lately, like gossip girl, 90210, skins etc., along with stuff like Louis Theroux's weird weekends and documentaries on the financial problems of the world etc. Weird concoction of shows I guess, but its just stuff that interests me, and the teen shows are easy on the eye. Dumb storylines, relatively attractive casts etc. Gotta stop watching these shows and start doing something more productive.

A few months ago I was playing 3-4 hours poker a night, but I intentionally reduced this to a few sessions on the weekend, just so that I could be more productive on weeknights and get some rest too. It's quite tiring working all day then playing poker in the evening. Well for me it gets like that after a while. Just ended up watching alot of tv lately though, when before I'd watch maybe 30mins a night, now its 2 hours or something.

Back at work tomorrow, but hope for a quiet one, and then the weekend. Hopefully the weekend won't be a complete non-event like last weekend, where I literally did nothing. Valentines on saturday, guess all the lonely ones will be out on friday looking for a man, opportunity knocks ;-)

We'll see.

This has been a pretty boring post, didn't really have a set topic to talk about...will try to be more constructive next post. gl guys

Twitter...wtf?

2009-02-10T04:47:00.000-08:00

I've been hearing alot about Twitter lately, and how it's the new e-phenomenon. First there was hi5/myspace, then came facebook and now twitter! So I went against the advice of Flavor Flav, I believed the hype, and signed up to Twitter.

So wait, let me get this. It's a micro-blog. lol wut? Its basically a bunch of facebook updates on a page, without the fotos of mates's getting bladdered and saucy minx's in mini skirts which litter my facebook page.

The only difference, is that you can subscribe to someones twitter page without them having to accept you or whatever. So I added Stephen Fry (like everyone else has) and I e-stalked him. Fck me does he chat sh1t (but still short of the legendary amounts of BS I often spout), so then I added philip schofield. lol. wut. Interestingly he tolls us he was on tv in 3 minutes. Ah, the life of a daytime tv presenter. He's probably at home now, logging on to his bookmarked porn sites and bashing one out as we speak, maybe even bashing one out over some milf porno thinking of fern britton at the same time. you know you would you filthmeisters. Whilst us normal people are stuck at work until at least 6pm, and thats if we're lucky enough to still have a job. Ah, wtf am I on about? Am I really going schizo at schofield cos of twitter?? LOOOL

I like the guy anyway. He's like a poor mans george clooney.

So I'm using it, and have found it pointless so far. I'm sure my opinion will change and I'll post a super excited blog next week raving about it...but right now, nah , not for me.

Poker wise: Played a bunch of those $4 180manners on friday and some on saturday, not sure how many I played, felt like 20, but probably more like 12 lol, and basically ran like a dog (as I have been for the past week or two). I final tabled one of them on the saturday, was a mid stack, when I get KK in the sb, folded down to me, I raise 2.5bbs, the bb re-raises, I put him all in, he calls, shows AQ, and flop comes A-8-8, turn x, river x, and its gg. Maybe I could have flatted his re-raise and then I would have been scared off by the A, but that's -EV IMO, and not the way I roll. So I came 6th, which basically broke me even on the night, but really wanted to come top 3 in that so that I could wipe off the losses made over the last fortnight.

I obv suffered a few redic beats in the other tourneys, leading me to tilt a bit and get my chat ban (previous post). It's all good. I've jizzed off about 15 buy-ins in the past 2 weeks, reducing my bankroll to about 40 buyins now. (I started with only 8 buyins though about 2 mths ago, so can't really complain). I'd say 10 or so buy-ins were lost due to variance where I lost to the worse hand, and the other 5 were due to me tilting and/or trying some new techniques out (like one hand where utg raises 3bbs, c/o re-raises to 9bbs, button to 14bbs and I move all-in off the bb with 7-8s trying to get sick odds on a massive pot LOL) Such a donk manouevre. Worst thing is, I've hardly played, and really am not in the mindsight to play right now. Its likely I'll only play again on friday or saturday, and even then, maybe only multi-tarb 4 or 5 $4 180manners, and thats it. Not really interested in poker right now, which is weird, cos its all that I could think about for large parts of the last year. I even whipped out my PS2 this weekend, hadn't played it in about 9mths LOL. Played some super ghey tennis game from 2001, with fake players, called Tennis Court Smash or something. I ended up having an epic 5 setter vs the fake Sampras (I was the fake gustavo kuerten, bet u dont remember him lol), when sampras beat me in the final set by a fkin dodgy forehand that skimmed the line. love when i get into these games, shame it only happens once a week evry year lol.

Whatevs.

Hope things are going better on the tables for people, but at the end of the day, there are more important things (to me at least) than poker, so its all good :)

Another chat ban...at least im getting creative

2009-02-09T05:49:00.000-08:00

This guy 2 outed me and then decided to laugh and say pwn3d as I bubbled. I really need to chill out. Again, I obviously didn't mean half of it and was just trying to start a bit of a cussing match to vent...but wait, someone goes and calls a mod. yawwwwn

We are writing to inform you that we have suspended your chat privilege for 1 week as a result of your chat on 2009/02/07.

Harassment of other members will not be tolerated.

The use of vulgarity when addressing another player is not
allowed.

When asterisks are seen during chatting, it is a warning that
what is being put into the chatbox is not allowed.  Using
spaces or other characters, or otherwise defeating the censor
is a violation of the Card Room Rules.

Threats against another member or staff person are strictly for-
bidden.

At the end of 1 week, your chat will automatically
be reinstated.  There is no need to write to support.

Our goal at PokerStars is to be a fun place to play, where everyone
can feel comfortable.  Abuse and other disruptions to the games takes
away from everyone's enjoyment, and therefore will not be tolerated.

We thank you for your cooperation.


Regards,

PokerStars Chat Moderation Team


The following chat was observed
im fkin ur mum too m8
whilst you're raising preflop
shes raising my c0ck
i pwned ur mum
u bring ur gun
u fvcking yankee pussy
il bring a knife
and lets go western styleeeee
u annoyin cvnts
ret@rds
talk and talk like their srs bizzness

A Jug of vodka redbull is not a good idea...

2009-02-06T06:34:00.000-08:00

....After drinking several pints already. So, I was out last friday with an ex colleague and his colleagues, including some quite fit females. Me being a single loser, I decided to try some of the old charm...so this girl says to me "How do you know Rob?" (Rob is my ex colleague). I said "I used to work with him". "Oh cool", she says "Have you got any stories about him, any embarassing ones??".

Hmm.

I do, but if I told them I'd be going home in an ambulance. So I decide to make one up. But my mind is blank.

AAArgh.

I then start my fake story "Yeah, one time he came to work dressed in these shorts...they were those tiny 80's shorts" WTF? WTF am i saying. Well he did once wear these shorts, so I was using that as a base for a story.

Her face lit up "yeah, then what?"

"Then our managing director came over, and look at him funny. Then..."

Then I couldn't think of a funny ending. It was silence. An awkward silence.

MY GOD. BACK IN THE DAY I'D HAVE A MILLION ROUTES TO GO WITH THIS STORY, BUT NOW IM BRAIN DEAD.

she soon walked away.

self pwn

:(

Anyway, I had a few pints, and just as I'm about to go home someone buys me a jug of vodka red bull. urgh. not to be rude though, I drink it. And feel fine.

I'm on the way home when suddenly my vision goes blurry.

I'm desperate for a cigarrette but don't have any, and no shops anywhere. I see this drunk guy outside the statiion.

"mate, can I have a fag, il pay for it"

"Have one, don't worry bout the money. where u coming from?"

"bar round the corner"

"any good?"

"its ok, but not great"

"lets go" he says absolutely smashed already, and i had to get home (I had some food waiting :D)

"nah its shite"

"ok. that bad yeah?"

"yeah. so where u work? round here?"

"lets go yeah"

"nah"

"that bad yeah?"

"yeah. u sure u dnt want some cash for the fag?"

"lets go yeah"

"nah"

"that bad yeah?"

:SSSSSS

So i end up leaving him, catch the train. And suddenly feel hot/sick. I get off.

I'm in Marble Arch.

I then tell myself I need a piss, but don't.

So I wander for a while, nowhere to piss :( So I just whip it out in some dark corner on a side road, and some guy shouts "LOOK HE'S TAKING A PISS" LAUGHS

yeah alright mate, like uv never done it. cunt. Anyway i can't even piss, but eventually i squeeze a few drops out

back on the train, and I fall asleep. Then I wake up 3 stops before mine, feel sick, and get off the train and start retching. but no vomit.

:S

Get on the next train, get to my station, and its a 15min walk home. LOOONG. so i decide to jog.

WTF

WTTTTFFFF

I jog home. There's chicken waiting for me (I had told my bro to order me some)

I eat 2 pieces, am eating my third when I fall asleep

urgh

wake up there's chicken everywhere

GOOD TIMES

Regarding poker: Haven't played all week. a) been very busy at work, and so tired b) not really feeling it

Might heat up some tarbs this weekend

gl guysssss

Snow...don't believe the hype

2009-02-03T03:28:00.000-08:00

As anyone living in the UK is aware, yesterday it snowed. And as per usual, when it snows, the country stops. In London, most of the tube network was paralysed, all buses were pulled for service, and there was basically no way of getting to work.

So, I worked from home...kinda. This morning anyway I came to work, and fk me it was still chaos. Firstly, I almost fell over a dozen times, and I just know I'm gonna fall over like a complete muppet on the way home later, where I'll blatantly step on some black ice and introduce my arse to the pavement. Secondly, the tube was at least 30 or 40% reduced in terms of frequency of trains, so I was absolutely crushed on the train and had some twat keep stepping on my foot ffs.

Worst thing is, yesterday I basically had the most boring day ever. Nothing on tv, nowhere to go, nothing to do, so I actually spent most of the day doing some bits of work whilst watching Sky Sports News drag out the transfer window saga. Gotta give kudos to the twat in the studio with his 3 mobile phones, and calling Wenger etc., the guy made it out to be serious bizzness, and had me fixated whenever he spoke :S

In relation to poker, I haven't played much lately, largely because a) I'm running bad and b) I'm not in the mood. I heated up about 8 tarbs yday, those $4 180manners, and bust early in pretty much all of them. I was dealt Aces 5 times, and they were cracked 4 times. Its the problem with getting dealt aces early in a $4 180manner fish contest, cos no matter what you raise pre flop, you'll usually get at least 2 callers. e.g. blinds were 10/20, I was on button with AA, 2 limpers when it gets round to me, I know i need to raise serious sums to try and only get one or 2 callers, so I raise to 200. The SB, BB, and the 2 limpers all call. Dear god. Flop comes A-J-4 rainbow, so one of the limpers raises, I re-raise, he pushes me in, I call, and he shows K-Q, and obv. the T hits. Whatever, just an example of the donkage I have to deal with. Of course I could have blazed a 500 raise pre, or whatever, but that's just stupid. A 200 raise was already stupid. Worst thing was, I didn't really care. I usually get super pissed, but I just let it go. I bust out of everything else, and just knew it wasn't my day. On another all in I had AsKh vs AhJd and the flop comes XsXsXs, turn Xd river Jh. So standard grrrrr.

I'm a bit fed up of poker though, been trying to do other things with my time. I played guitar for the first time in months yesterday, and as usual I also got frustrated lol. And I also tried my hand at writing some stuff, which I enjoyed. Think I'll keep with the writing, its something that can unnerve me immensely, but it gives me alot of satisfaction...more so than poker i think.

Here are some more pics I took of the snow (this was in the afternoon when it had already died down and was melting a bit):

I also wanted to post about my friday night here, I'll save that for the next post. Take care peeps

Chat Bans...when will I learn?

2009-01-30T04:41:00.001-08:00

When will I ever learn? After I've had a few 24 hour bans, I told myself to stop venting in the chat box. I usually just throw out some expletives, maybe target the country that the player who sucked out on me comes from, and then leave (un)gracefully.

I never mean any of what I say (obviously) and just use it to vent, but it doesn't help because it just angers me more as I get worked up. Ultimately I must stop doing this. When I'm multi-tarbling, a bad beat doesn't matter so much, cos you just expect it. But yesterday I was playing only 2 tables at once (2 $6 6-handed 18manners), when I'm in first position and get dealt TT, blinds are 15/30. I'd been playing tight and I think this was the first time I had raised pre, the villain was a mid stack (2k, I had 1.4k)

I raise 3 bb's to 90, the sb calls. Flop:

4-8-9 rainbow

He fires out 70 into a 210 pot, I re-raise to 175, he calls.

Turn:

Q

He checks, I fire out 300 into the ~450 pot, he calls

River:

8

He bets out 200 into the ~1k pot.

I knew he had me then, but called just to donk off some more chips.

He flips over K8

STANNNDDDAAARRDDDD

FFS.

Its such a meaningless hand, but I flipped, criticised him etc. He then got lippy back, so I went schizo on him.

Anyway, I got this email this morn:

Hello Bossanova21,

We have received a complaint regarding your use of inappropriate
language at our tables. After reviewing the chat log (see below), it
was decided to suspend your chat privileges for a period of one week.
Your language was highly offensive and completely unacceptable.

Our goal at PokerStars is to be a fun place to play, where everyone
can feel comfortable. Foul language and abuse of other players takes
away from everyone's enjoyment, and therefore will not be permitted.

Please note that you may not be the only one receiving a message such
as this. When we receive a chat complaint, we review the entire chat
of all players at the table. If any other players at the table were in
violation of PokerStars' chat rules, they were also warned or had their
chat suspended.

Your chat privileges will be automatically reinstated in one week.

Regards,

Jordan J
PokerStars Support Team

---
271278223 Bossanova21 you dumb hick cvnt Observer 1/29/2009 3:46:32 PM
271278223 Bossanova21 fkin redneck racist Observer 1/29/2009 3:47:06 PM
271278223 Bossanova21 maybe ur mum shudnt have fked so many soldiers Observer 1/29/2009 3:47:33 PM
271278223 Bossanova21 typical yankee cvnt Observer 1/29/2009 3:48:02 PM

Yawwwwn.

1 week fkin chat ban :(

Ah well, I deserve it...

Its was just handbags :D

Ah well, apologies to the fish I said that to, but don't play like a donk then you dumb cvnt. :D

Jailbait scare and the endless monotony...

2009-01-28T04:55:00.001-08:00

Poker and Life

Haven't played much poker since Saturday really, almost doubled my roll when I won the $4 180manners thing saturday, then took it easy Sunday by playing some of those ghey $6 18man 6-seaters, cashed in a couple, but nothing major, maybe made a $20 profit on the couple hours I played. I find that I lose money when I play major sessions after work, so have avoided it, and also I'm trying to find something better to do with my time than constantly playing poker. I've thought about writing a novel, but have flopped lol. I've tried writing one about a zillion times, and never get past the first page. Maybe it doesn't help that I never have a proper storyline or anything and just write some bs. But whatever. I used to be quite creative, and throughout school spent my whole time practising in bands and whatever, and so I'm trying to revive that a bit by beginning to write again etc. I always wanted to create something artistic for myself, like to have written an EP, or been able to write a book...even if it sucked..just to have the pride in completing something.

Ah well....

I'm seriously getting sick of everything though. Work, the day to day routine, being single etc etc. I get phases where I just get super fed up and have no motivation to even wake up...rolling in half hour late for work...this will pass, but I do often wish I could just break the monotony a bit....

Jail bait scare

Lately I've been fkin bored as fk, and started watching some awful tv shows...with hot girls in them. TBH I've just been watching awful tv shows. On a typical week, I'll watch tv for maybe 1 hour a night, but lately it's become 3 hours or so...largely because I've begun playing less poker, particularly on week nights. Yesterday I even watched a double episode of Hawaiian X-treme sports on a portuguese tv channel. WTF????? HAVE I NOTHING BETTER TO DO?? I dunno though, I just like watching them surf and stuff and enjoy the sun...lol

I've also begun watching alot of these crappy teen shows...I've always been a sucker for them. Used to always watch the OC, and skins etc., now I've been watching Gossip Girl and the new 90210. What a fkin loser I am :S

Anyway, I justify this by pretending I am not interested in the complex love triangles but in merely spying the hot californian chicks (mostly true tbf). So, I'm at work, and the girl that sits next to me starts talking about it, and I say I've caught a few episodes, start saying that I reckon some of them are well hot (like the one I posted at the bottom of the post a few days ago etc.), then I also mention that I think this girl is hot:

Yeah, she's alright don't ya think.

But wait: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taylor_Momsen

Did you see it? No? Let me be more specific.

Taylor Michel Momsen[1] (born July 26, 1993)

WTFFFFFF

SHE’S 15 FFS

HOW?????????????

I got rightly ribbed for it at work. It's ok though, in 6 months I can gawp all I want :D :D

Uh oh...serial wankers beware

2009-01-26T07:14:00.000-08:00

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7850666.stm

:S

Maybe I should spend less time on yazum, and more time down the gym...

Amatay: You might want to re-think your 'I need a rump' plea...:D

Woo hoo...I stop running bad

2009-01-24T13:41:00.000-08:00

So, I haven't really played much poker this week, but when I have, I've run relatively bad. You know what I mean, every PP holds vs your AK, your Aces get cracked by ATC, and you haven't flopped tripps since shares in HBOS were a good investment. So, I was out drinking last night, nothing major, just went with a couple of fish from work, and ended up talking mostly about....work. FFS. I ended up getting in at about 12 or 1, and deciding to play a few tarbs the next day. I Woke up this morn, checked the footie timetable, nowt too interesting till the Utd game, so I loaded up a few $4 180 manners, 5 or 6 of them. Ended up min cashing in one, and taking one down :D

Haven't taken one of those down in a while, so it was a great feeling. I played mostly tight aggressive, with some post flop bluffing (didn't really re-steal much pre-flop). I ended up HU with quite a tight player, which suits me fine.

In other news: just watching the Porto match now, we're 2-0 up at HT so hopefully that holds up and it'll be a nice saturday :D

Haven't got much else to report, probs go meet some mates tomorrow, b4 back to the grind stone monday. I'll try find something actually interesting to post about next time, maybe find some good porn links or something :D

Someone on RTR posted this game on there, and its kinda fun (for a few mins) if you're sick bored:

http://www.blinkyou.com/codes/flash/squares.swf

I'm crap at it.

Finally: I watched 2 episodes of Gossip girl today. Is it wrong that I get semi's watching it? I got a semi twice in one episode...man those biatches are filthy. Have a good wkend people, gl. I'll leave you with a pic of one of the filth mongers from gossip girl. She is srz bizzness

Top 99 women in the world....apparently

2009-01-21T12:40:00.000-08:00

So I was about to post a really long and drawn out blog about how dejected I am feeling, but then I spied this list. It was askmen.com's top 99 women, so I'll save the boring post for tomorrow or something. The list is basically that magazines top 99 women...duh.

You can view the list here:

http://www.askmen.com/specials/2009_top_99/

But be warned: There are some serious disappointers included. For example, this was voted at number 5:

Erm....

I mean seriously WTF. Feel free to post any comments about the list etc....There are some corkers in there, including my personal favourite Scarlett Johansson (who is joint number 1 in my own personal list with penelope cruz...although I havent spied her in this list yet. You know I loved vicky cristina barcelona :D :D)

Poker....srs bizzness

2009-01-20T05:36:00.000-08:00

So yesterday I got home from work about 7pm after another fantastic tube journey where I was delayed 20mins and fell asleep to nearly miss my stop. I got some bad news when I got home, regarding a family member of mine who's ill...so that put me on a bit of a downer. So just to try take my mind off things, I had a munch, turned on the telly and seen Liverpool v Everton, yaaaawn. Sure its a heated derby, but tbh, I don't really care. I watched 5mins and decided to multi table some tarbs whilst watching the game. So I heat up the battle station (laptop) and play some $6 18 man 6 seaters, I've had great success at these lately, but alas...tonight is not to be. I quickly jizz off 4 buy ins, mostly because I was card-dead, but also cos I felt tilted. This includes me raising a 2 limped pot by 6bbs with AK, getting 1 caller, to find a flop of J-6-4 to which i jam....only for the coooont to insta-call and flip over J-7

FFS

gotta love these micro stakes action, but fook me it can tilt a man.

Anyway, I ended up entering 2 6seat sngs, and winning one, so I lost a few buyins, whatevs. However, during one of these games I had the most epic chat battle with a german player. He said something snidey after I donked off some chips to which I brought up...thats right...world war 2.

Again.

LOL

I start asking him if he enjoyed the results of the 2 wars or whatever, and we had an epic e-battle that included both us going full out, bad teeth, liederhosen, 1966, WW1+2, sausage, tea, and even the holocaust came up :S

Shame that I bust 10 high during this e-battle, it was epic. He greeted me a gg and gl, and off I went. Poker....its srs bizzness didn't you know?

Nandos update...and random tube happenings

2009-01-19T05:07:00.000-08:00

So following on from my post last week, re: work lunch, we ended up going to Nando's on friday. Not really the biggest fan of the fake portuguese chain, but its always good to taste the beer of my homeland: Super bock.

So in the end, it turned out as a nice little lunch, work was never mentioned once which makes a change tbh. What baffled me though was the fact that most people ordered a chicken burger....WTF. Its Nandos ffs, you don't get a burger, you get a chicken. Its like going to a bookies and betting on virtual racing whilst Cheltenhams on in the background..

I really do think Super Bock is the king of all beers though...so fkin fruity...

So this morning I'm on the central line to work, and guess what....DELAYS. standard. So I fancy a little kip seeing as the train literally is at a standstill for 30mins, and people get frustrated and leave so I grab a seat. Silver lining and all that :D So I'm there sleeping, and I'm a fckin pro at this, I can sleep on the tube and know what station it is, so I always wake up at the right stop.

Anyway, I'm there dreaming about Jessica Alba or summat, when I get a fkin nudge in my arm. I obv wake up and expect to see a mate of mine or summat, but no, some random guy just staring at me. I'm sat there wondering if I'm still dreaming, or whether or I imagined the nudge, or whether I'm about to get stabbed by a weirdo...whatevs. He says "what stop u getting off mate?" I tell him im off in a few stops, liverpool street. He says ok. Then reads his book, and gets off next stop.

WTF

Was the guy looking out for me? Making sure I didn't miss my stop? Never happened before.

Was the guy fkin high or summat? A perv? I dunno, its left me completely baffled. Maybe he nudged me by accident. fk knows, but it kinda annoyed me, I hate getting woken up and I was mid-dream ffs. I cudnt get back to sleep after that FFS

On the poker front, I made a tidy little profit this weekend, about 10 buy-ins (I'm still playing at $6 levels though, building teh rollll), playing those gay $4 180 manners or $6 18man sngs on stars mainly. I really didn't feel like playing this wkend, but seeing as I had nothing else to do, I went to my alcohol cabinet to see what delights I might have in store. I see this dirty bottle of liquer looking at me. I've had it for tiiiime but never touched cos it looks like the kind of thing an old man drank during world war 1...being an adventerous bastard (lol) I decide to sample it. Fck me it was disgusting. Cudnt sip that shit without shuddering. Ok, so damaged my liver...still bored. Decide to hit the tables, and after about an hour I realise I'm fkin destroying the tables, like a blitzkrieg, its fkin carnage LOL The liquer wears off, and Im instantly beginning to self pwn myself, including having 89s on a 3-6-7 rainbow flop, I raise, get re-raised and then blast all in for about 5 times pot size LOL The guy thinks for ages, calls with a set of 3s, and I'm left with no help on turn or river. ffs. why? why bossa? you were fkin cruising. I decide its cos the liquer is wearing off, and reload. and again. and again. And yeah, once again destroy the tables.

Eventually I discover that the liquer gives me a foul mouth when i go schizo in the chat box again...and banned, again :(

when will I ever learn?